Are We Ready Yet?.............

 Part 1 of the Black Years
Before I continue on with this story there is some background  I want to share.  The rarest and most sought after of the bloodlines on my farm seem to be my Gamaar bred mares. Many of the younger breeders don't understand what those old lines represent but the old timers do. Many of the big name horses of today trace back to bloodlines I hold dear. I have made preserving them part of my mission which is interesting for me to admit since I have never considered myself a preservation breeder.

Regardless of what I call what I've been doing, I have been very pleased with the horses I have bred to this point. The only reason I was even considering parting with this mare was because my illness has interfered with my ability to breed her but my criteria for a home was very specifically based on my preservation mentality. I had no intentions of parting with her if these criteria were not satisfied and I thought these people might just be the ones to do that.

I had had several conversations with these folks before they decided to come to see Faye. They were interested in her specifically because of her grey color and the tail line of her pedigree which is Gamaar's dam. Although color was not the big motivator, her pedigree was. They had called me inquiring about my grey Melba-Sitt mare which is a pretty specific request that told me much about their knowledge and mindset.

Over  the years they had owned a similarly bred mare and she had a daughter for them.  They had lost them both, the daughter only recently, so they were looking for another, as much like what they had, as possible, a very talk order considering the tail/female lines that represents. With the mares I have seen from those lines, KG Phadra Rose, Faye, is a mirror of the beautiful mares expected to carry those rare genes. I had no question she would be what they sought.

These people from Florida were not, however, the only party interested in this mare and/or the bloodlines. I actually had four inquiries within a ten day period. The Floridians were the first to make the trip to my farm but they were not the only ones to appreciate the rarity of these bloodlines and what they represent.

As the phone call telling me they were just ten minutes away ended, the  composure, I had felt, because I thought I had two hours to be ready,   disappeared and panic replaced it.  A few horses, whose manes I had hoped to untangle, where still in their stalls so I quickly put them out and let go of my usual standard of having every single horse spit shined and show ready.

I didn't know how long these people would stay and I hadn't eaten yet. I needed to put on clean clothes too so I had to run to the house while I still could. I hoped these folks were farther away than they thought or that traffic was heavy so I would have some time to get these things done.  My ten minutes were already up when I'd walked into the house so I wolfed down a banana and a glass of milk while changing into clean light weight clothes with pockets.

I don't ever take meds early but it was not quite time for my next round of medication so I needed a way to carry my next dose with me so I could take them at the proper time.  No way I would be able to show all of these horses and answer questions if my pain got any worse. I got my water bottle lined up too so I was as ready as I could be for them to be here. My wish for them to run late was granted because I got the opportunity to do these things and to sit under my blankets with my feet up again for several more minutes until the visitors arrived.

When I heard their car in the drive, I painfully pushed myself to my feet. My legs quivered and I dug deep and gritted my teeth to get through this. Nothing about this day had gone as I'd expected and with the experiences I had had since my illness, I was really dreading this. Nothing about having people here seemed enjoyable to me. It looked like a necessary evil and nothing more.......until, of course, we got to the horses.

When I turned Legs out in the round pen, I then put Faye in his stall so she would be up front and close to her buddies when the people came. Not knowing what their expectations were for how they wanted to experience her, I figured this would be the best way to start. She would be clean and accessible and when they were done all I would need to do was turn her loose right outside the door so she could join the rest of Legs' wives since I turned them out in that field right after I'd put her into his stall.

What I hadn't figured on was Faye screaming her lungs out because the other mares immediately ran off to the farthest reaches of that field.  She was so upset, I worried she'd be all lathered up before the people ever arrived but there wasn't much I could do short of turning her out. If I did that, my guess is she'd have gone straight to the manure pile to roll so I didn't dare do that. There was no doubt that sweat was better than poop.

Still I worried about how stressed out Faye was getting  as I waited for my visitors so I checked up on her as I scurried around tying up those loose ends. As I was going into the house I noticed that Heiress,  hearing Faye's distress, had come up to keep her company so I went on into the house knowing that Heiress staying with Faye was better than I could have hoped for. I didn't know if it would be enough to settle Faye totally down but she was no longer whinnying. Maybe she wouldn't be sweaty when the visitors came.

I greeted my guests and we chatted about all the travel mess while my pain levels sky rocketed from standing still. I realized I was squirming in place as I caught them casting concerned glances at each other. Before they could ask me if I was all right, I told them we would need to get moving so I could get them through this tour. We could sit down and chat at the end. They nodded in agreement and we moved on towards the barn and the horses.

To be continued....

D-Day Begins........

 Part 1 of the Black Years
It is normal for me to awake in such intense pain that it is hard to think, let alone do anything, but the day the people from Florida came was unusually awful. With the way I had abused my body getting my farm and my Arabian horses ready, all the muscles in my body ached but my abdominal muscles were particularly sore and the nerve endings were screaming from irritation.

With the people not due until late afternoon, I took the time to perform my usual morning ritual for pain. There really was no way I could get right to work, even though that is what I would have preferred. Instead I had to take my morning medication and pile myself under a mound of blankets and wait for the drugs to kick in.

Because I had pushed myself well beyond my limits, I knew I could not hope for much relief but the added heat could only help my aching muscles. I gave myself the two hours that would normally get me to the point I could think about something other than how badly I hurt and hoped for the best. 

The mountain of throws and blankets I buried myself under did the best job they could under the circumstances. My pain was too intense to diminish but the blankets did restore warmth to my ravaged body. That in itself was enough of a relief that I was able to get to my feet so I could attack the day facing me.

Dave and Lindsay were doing the regular barn chores so everything would be presentable and I took care of the horses myself. My first line of business was to check the status of all my horses.

The usual culprits had stains to be addressed and I had a few with knots in their manes. With the people not due at the airport until noon, I figured I had at least until sometime after 2 before they could possibly get here factoring in the time it would take to pick up their luggage, rent a car and make the drive here.  That gave me some time to get things done right.

Since the weather was nice I decided I would turn out most of the horses. It would be easier for the people to get a good look at them outside than cooped up in their stalls. I couldn't put all of the stallions out but I could do a couple of them. The stallions are animated wherever they are so those in their stalls would still make an impression. With my electric fence now repaired I could put one stallion in the paddock in front of my house and geldings in the field next to him. Then I could put Legs in the round pen with his mares around him. Since he has grown up dealing with this, he is fine. The rest of the mares I split between the other two fields. All of this should give these folks a pretty good idea of what kinds of minds these horses have as well as their conformation and talent.

There were some muddy  spots in those fields or paddocks that always beckon the horses for a hearty roll. To counter against this I rinsed the horses that needed it and returned them to their stalls until they were dry. The warm morning quickly dried the horses except for the parts that collect water, under-belly, lower legs, and underneath their manes mostly but I thought those parts would dry quicker outside in the sun.

To keep the horses from rolling in the muddy areas,  I laid out piles of hay, spaced to not cause disputes, and turned the horses out. Because grass is sparse, the horses all think the hay is some kind of special treat and each is too worried he/ she will miss out if a claim is not immediately staked out over a favored pile. That pretty much saved me  from delighted ponies rolling and destroying all my hard work.

If any did roll it was hard to tell. Their coats were so slick and shiny and the day so warm, the mud must have dried immediately and the resulting dust quickly slid off. I didn't have to redo a single horse because of rolling outside although I did add more hay to assure they all stayed occupied munching hay until they were thoroughly dry.

Of course none of the grey mares had looked particularly clean when I checked them but Faye was the worst.  She just happened to be our queen for the day and she looked like she hadn't been cleaned up at all. I decided to deal with her thinking that would be my best shot at having her look good when our guests arrived.

Lots of the horses looked just fine so I had put those horses out while the other horses were drying. If I came across a horse with a tangled mane, I brushed it out before I turned that horse out. I checked my watch regularly gauging my progress against what I had left.

I thought I was making great progress until my cell phone rang. It was just after noon but my visitors weren't calling from the airport. They were just a few miles down the road. They wanted to know if it was ok if they arrived in about ten minutes.

To be continued.....

Are We Ready Yet?

Unexpected News........

 Part 1 of the Black Years

That Friday night it was after 10 when I finally came into the house. I was so over fatigued from all the work my body shook and I was having trouble maintaining my balance. I had to rest just to get enough strength to get ready for bed. My visitors were expected in the morning and I needed to be up early enough to do touch ups on horses before they arrived so I needed to hit the bed as quickly as possible.

While resting up so I could get myself off to bed, I checked my phone for messages since the Floridians had promised to check in when they arrived. There was a message from them but it was not what I expected. They  were stuck in the Midwest and were lucky to have made it that far. 

The entire east coast and midwest airports were experiencing extensive flight cancellations due to extreme weather conditions spawning the worst series of tornadoes the country has ever seen. I hadn't seen the news in days because I'd been pushing to get ready for their visit so I had no idea weather was reeking havoc with the lives of so many and, to be honest, I doubt it would have occurred to me that it might interfere with their plans. I had tunnel vision as to how the weather was affecting me and what it would be like over the weekend. I was shocked to hear they were stranded halfway here.

These people had phoned my house immediately when their plane had touched down and the time stamp put that call at just minutes before I had come into the house so I was not the only one having a long, exhausting day. They should have arrived at their motel here at about 5. They had not even caught a flight out of Florida until after noon. I was surprised to hear they were still coming with all the obstacles they were facing.

The message said they were hoping to get a standby flight out in the morning but there were no guarantees. There were only two flights available but they hoped to be into Sea-Tac around noon. They would call when they arrived. Then they would drive straight to our farm but that was only if they could get a flight at all. If they didn't, they would call when they figured out what their next move would be.

I had mixed feelings about this voicemail. On one hand I had put myself through a load of torture that might all be for nothing. Just the thought hurt. On the other hand as exhausted as I was, this news was a huge relief to me. It meant I could sleep in to my normal wake-up time instead of rising three hours earlier like the original itinerary required and I would have time for my pain meds to kick in before I had to begin pushing myself again. As much as I was over doing, this change would give me a much better chance of getting through the day if they did make it. I was definitely grateful for that.

Not knowing if or when these folks would arrive, I decided the best plan was to proceed as if they would catch the flight they hoped. Even though I was pooped, this schedule seemed doable except that Dave had to work in the afternoon so he wouldn't be available to take over if I got too tired. Depending on what time they arrived, it could be Dave would only be here to help with the preparations. I was hoping that wouldn't be the case but there was no point in worrying over what I couldn't control. It was going to be a long day for me regardless because of how much I had already pushed.

To be continued.....

D-Day Begins.....

Cleaning Up......

 Part 1 of the Black Years


Part One of Amanda's Wright's Story

First off I have to say despite the terse comment made on Facebook, this is my blog and it is my prerogative to write whatever I deem appropriate. The subject matter of these last months is not what I would have chosen as part of my journey with horses but it did happen because of the horses. The impact has been so profound, it is appropriate to the share the story so others can protect themselves should they find themselves in vulnerable circumstances.

I know before this, I wouldn't have believed this could happen to me. I thought I was healthy,  I was most definitely strong, capable and self sufficient and I believed I was a good judge of character. I suppose this gave me a false sense of security but in addition I just didn't believe that so many people were out there looking to make their way on the backs of others. I am a glass half full kind of person and with that I wanted to believe the best in people.

These last two and a half years have set all of that on its ear. My opinion of people has changed dramatically. The fact so many chose to capitalize on my weakness and others have decided to ridicule me as I write this story makes me wonder what has happened to people's humanity. It is hard enough to understand why anyone would want to exploit my misfortune like Kelly Panowicz did but to have that followed up by Crystal Baker's battering seemed unbelievable.  Then to reconcile the fact the vultures were not done with me yet or that they gathered in such force has been incomprehensible. For others to see my victimization as a reason to criticize makes me think the world has gone absolutely nuts. How low can anyone go than to kick someone when they are down or to revel in another's misfortune? Yet that is exactly what happened. It is no wonder my psyche feels as battered as my body.

By the time Amanda Wright ( Mannuq Arabians) left here, I felt so beaten I just wanted to pull the covers over my head and never come out. The fact she intended to abandon me knowing people were coming to view horses hit me like a pro boxer's shot to my mid section. I may have realized in my head that Amanda had come here to exploit but my heart still wanted to believe people are better than that and she was just a mixed up kid.  Leaving me high and dry that way had been the fatal blow to my reticence to accept Amanda was really that self-centered and calculating. When that last holdout fell so did my faith in humanity.  I recall thinking I now understood why people choose to become reclusive. With such ongoing treatment why would anyone want to venture out in the world? I was beginning to think that might be a good plan for me. After all of this, I was unsure I ever wanted another visitor on my farm but I did have the people coming from Florida already scheduled. With their plane tickets purchased it was too late to cancel so I knuckled down to get things in order for their visit. I could deal with my broken trust of humanity later.

I had my hands full getting horses ready in time. From the point where I knew Amanda was running out on me, I had four days to get the horses cleaned up and there were still some issues around the farm I needed too and there was the pain. My constant companion still made it difficult to stand so I try not to push myself beyond the point where I can recover in a day or two.

I used the same type of priorities for doing getting horses ready as I would for an open house. I always do the tidiest horses first and the messiest last.  With 29 horses and 4 days, I must have a minimum of 8 horses done per day. That gave me a little extra leeway for dealing with any last minute surprises. I also reserved these showers for after turnouts so the horses wouldn't roll while they were wet. With dinner time immediately after the horses go in at night, they would be preoccupied with eating while they dried.

That meant I used the earlier part of the day for cleaning up the property. The weed eating had been done but there was an assortment of branches, vines, fence posts, wadded up tarps, torn down boards, broken buckets and pieces of wire fencing laying around.  All of these things discarded near their point of origin giving my farm a trashy, uncared for look that had driven me crazy as it developed. I had cleaned this all up the summer before but it developed again thanks to Amanda and Darryl's lack of regard for my property. Now with the culprits gone,  I found myself stuck with cleaning up their mess.

That muddy area between the barns needed to be addressed too since Amanda had only fixed an area wide enough to get a wheelbarrow through so it would be easier for Darryl to clean those stalls. She had not fixed it properly either, just slip shod work that would hold up for the brief time she knew they had left.

I was determined to get these things done, just as I was determined to get the horses presentable despite the condition of my body. It's funny that Amanda was so overwhelmed, she couldn't move but I managed to get my list of tasks accomplished in the four days I had.

I got all the trash picked up so Dave made a trip to the dump. He repaired the stalls that Darryl had dismantled a board at a time because he'd pulled them down instead of nailing them back into place. I lit off the burn pile and fixed a walkway where the mud had been....and I got the horses cleaned up too.

There was still lots of work that needed to be done but the farm looked presentable. I wouldn't be embarrassed when these folks arrived on Saturday but that wouldn't have been the case if it had been up to Amanda. I was physically exhausted and my pain levels were through the roof and I didn't know how I was going to get through showing horses to them.

Just having that ugly RV gone so l didn't have to look at it made me feel better and it definitely improved the look of my farm even with the dead yellowed grass where that monstrosity had parked. I was hoping that relief and an infusion of adrenaline would get me through showing the horses. Dave knows little about their pedigrees and these peopleb were coming particularly to see some individuals of rare bloodlines so I really needed to be up to presenting horses to these people. I had really done myself in getting my farm in order so now I wondered if I should have settled for less. Were my high standards bite me or would they pay off?

To be continued.......

Unexpected News.......

An Exit Strategy of Our Own

 Part 1 of the Black Years


Part One of Amanda's Wright's Story
My first reaction to Amanda's claim she didn't want to be one of those taking advantage of me  was, " You have to be kidding! You have been doing exploiting me since you arrived 9 months ago but you don't want to be one of those people. It's a little late for that so what does that really mean? You want me to feel sorry for you? Or you want me to think you didn't mean to?  For what purpose?  I will still be friends?  Or so I don't tell anyone what you did? Or maybe so you don't end up as blog fodder?". Something was behind those tears....and it sure wasn't any kind of caring for me.

I didn't share my thoughts with her because her tears were lost on me. I didn't need to think about this to know how manipulative her exclamation had been. I couldn't get her out of my house and off my farm fast enough so I didn't respond to her comment at all. I just let the conversation die despite the urge to let her have a huge chunk of my mind.

I figured the best way to get her out of here with as little drama as possible was to keep my cards close to my vest. I didn't know exactly how we were going to deal with Amanda and Darryl yet because Dave was at work so I couldn't talk to him but once I did, we would figure out how we would handle this. I was pretty sure once Dave heard Amanda's plans he would be as upset as I was and we would finally be on the same page. I just wasn't sure what the best course of action would be.

After she left my living room, I was really angry at myself. I wanted them gone so I wanted to kick myself that I had even suggested there might be a possibility they could stay. I had not promised her anything. I had only said we could talk about it but I was really wishing I hadn't. The last thing I wanted was to be stuck with them and that motorhome.

Turns out the thought of being stuck with that ugly broken down RV is the last thing Dave wanted too. It would cost us several hundred dollars to get that thing off our property and we could only accomplish it IF we had its title. There was little, if any chance of that because I was pretty sure Amanda told me the title was lost. No one from Craigslist would take it without a title either. We were screwed if they left that thing here. The laws in our state require 2 years to pass before a vehicle abandoned on private property can be towed or removed in any manner. We needed Amanda to get that thing running and get it out of here.

Not long after our talk, Amanda and Darryl left taking their first load over to her sister's place. I don't know if they made more trips or not but I do know that when Dave talked to her that evening she told him there was some kind of problem with them moving to her sister's. She didn't volunteer anymore than that and Dave didn't ask but he did tell her the RV must be moved the next day.

Amanda did not come into the house to talk about alternative plans as I had told her she must if she wanted to stay.  I mention this not that we would have invited her to stay but more in line with the fact she was still playing the same games. I think she assumed she could continue on as she had been but the scare of having that trashy motor-home abandoned here was the final straw for Dave. Everything I had predicted and shared with him about Amanda's behavior here had ended up being true so Dave could finally see there really was never going to be the kind of help she promised in addition he could see if they didn't abandon that RV now, they would when the first opportunity arose. It was only a matter of when.

Dave now wanted them gone as much as I did and he wanted it yesterday.
First thing the next morning he was out there asking Amanda for status on getting the RV running. According to her she ended up at the welfare office borrowing money from some emergency fund to get it running.

When it was, Amanda asked him where to park it and he basically told her anywhere that was off our property. She said they had no place to go and he suggested maybe they could go back to the hoarder's farm. Amanda said she had already asked and he'd told her no but Dave stuck to his guns. He told her after seeing that she was planning on leaving it here, we couldn't take anymore chances. They must leave immediately.

It was easy to see that Amanda and Darryl were both livid. The ugly look I had received the day before was mild compared to that I got when I walked in on him in the first barn. He dropped his head and turned his shoulder like a blocker for football and came straight at me trying to intimidate me. He stepped aside at the last second so only his clothes brushed against me. It was clearly a F*CK YOU, B*TCH! gesture.

Dave was scheduled to work that afternoon and the RV was still sitting here. They were so angry,  Dave was worried about leaving with them still on our property so he waited around. Eventually a tow truck arrived and they left the same way they came.

To be continued.......

Cleaning Up.........

More Pieces Towards Getting There.....

 Part 1 of the Black Years


Part One of Amanda's Wright's Story

As I walked to the house, I saw Darryl loading their things into the trunk of the car his parents had driven from California to give him soon after the baby came. There was a mean, angry set to his jaw, l had no doubt was directed at me. I had not seen such an expression from him before. Not even on the day I had brought them both in to confront Amanda for not living up to our agreement when I had asked Darryl to be there.  I wanted him to hear both sides of the story since I was already thinking a lot about the position Darryl was in and it seemed to me he might be being manipulated by her as much as we were. Now with his expression so angry I had to wonder what was behind this attitude. They were the ones cutting out on me. I couldn't imagine what he about this was bothering him.

My mind, still whirling with Amanda's disclosure, instantly shifted gears as the implications of this sight began to mesh with her words. This move couldn't have been executed without prior planning. I wanted to know when Amanda had hatched this plan. How long had she lied to me about helping with the horses when she knew all along she would be gone?   Knowing full well how important these visitors were to my business and the future of my dreams, not only was she running out on me, but her actions had denied me the opportunity to make other arrangements for help to get my horses ready now that the weekend was past.  From her demeanor,  she wasn't even giving this betrayal a second thought. I wanted answers so I would finally know how ruthless and conniving Amanda Wright really was.

I continued on into the house so I could think about what this all meant and what I wanted to say to her. Once I had a plan, I went back out and asked Amanda to come into the house to talk once she finished feeding the horses their lunch. She responded "ok" but didn't ask why and I didn't volunteer.

When she came in, I didn't waste any time with platitudes. Despite everything that had happened, I still treated her with dignity and respect, my ethics still more important than my feelings. I  wanted to understand what was going on so right off the bat I asked her when she had begun planning her exit strategy.

Amanda's answer was sometime around two weeks which is exactly when Darryl got hired by Subway. The man had a part time job at minimum wage and there was welfare for the baby so she didn't need us anymore. This timing was exactly what I had been telling Dave for months would happen when Darryl found work. They had used us for whatever they could get and now that they had other options they were out of here with no regard for what they owed.

Even with this revelation all I could think about was Lindsay. I worried about her and the effect of all of this crap on her. She has been jerked around by the promises of all these sleazy people for two and a half years. She gets her hopes up believing she is going to have help only to have those hopes dashed into smithereens. It's hard enough for me to make sense of this but to exploit my brain damaged daughter in this way is just plain cruel. All I could think about was saving Lindsay from this pain.

Amanda, on the other hand, could think of nothing but Amanda.  She was rattling on with her explanation about how hard this was for her and all I could think was how screwed up she is so I confronted her. I actually told her that her life was a mess. She was barely a step above homeless and her priorities were all messed up but she responded by telling me her life was just fine. Her only stress was my horses. "I just can't do it," she claimed. Without my horses her stress would go away.

Still assuming what she says is honest and trying to help her, I told Amanda her problems were much bigger than my herd. Since her method of dealing with being overwhelmed is to become immobilized, crippled by the "can't" she routinely uses to justify being stuck, she was in big trouble whether here or not. She had not shown evidence of good coping skills the entire time she had been here and she had had the opportunity to learn some important life skills. If she had come to me when she first arrived, maybe I could have helped her see how to deal with what seemed to be insurmountable. We could have done a work schedule and presented the work in a more manageable way.

The interesting part of this was the comments she used to discount my recommendations that I didn't pick up on until I thought about this conversation later.  During the course of these remarks, she also discounted things her counselor was telling her which were much the same as I was saying. Amanda was stuck because she choses to be. She was rejecting anything helpful and this information just cemented my thinking that Amanda, like Jessica, doesn't really want to be accountable for her life. She wants people to feel sorry for her as a way to suck them into her games.

As I spoke to her, I did not try to guilt her into staying because I am not a game player. I didn't even know if I wanted her to stay but thinking about Lindsay and what she needed,  I suggested the possibility of talking it over with my family to see if there was a schedule that might work should she want to stay. However, she must talk to me about it by the end of that day.

Of course our conversation was much longer than this but I don't recall everything I said other than it was much the same as I had said before to her about the way she runs her life and those things I advise others as a life coach.

I specifically pointed out that she was healthy and couldn't get the horses ready because she said she couldn't. It wasn't that she was incapable but because she didn't even try. I assured her, even though I am barely able to stand,  the horses would be ready because I believe I must so I would push through despite the obstacles and I would do it by myself. I might pay afterwards for ignoring my body but I would get it done......doing so is what self esteem is all about and she definitely could use some of that.

All of her excuses were pretty much the same old game to avoid responsibility but there was one thing Amanda said that stuck with me. She sat here in my living room and turned on the water works, "I don't want to be one of those people who took advantage of you." she cried.

To be continued.....

An Exit Strategy of Our Own......

The End Gets One Step Closer

 Part 1 of the Black Years


Part One of Amanda's Wright's Story
Friday came and went producing exactly what I predicted. The drive line had been reconnected on the RV but it was no closer to moving on its own than it had been the day it was towed here.  Amanda Wright (who goes by Mannuq Arabians on FB after her Native American heritage) was still trying to sell us on the idea the ugly yellow spot of dead grass underneath it would be worse to look at than the vehicle itself but we weren't buying it.  She also had the nerve to challenge our decision because there might not be WiFi at the new location like we somehow owed them that. Funny how Amanda always could find an excuse not to do something based on her needs but our needs never counted for anything with her.

On Friday Amanda Wright's sister and the sister's fiance didn't even arrive until well after 1 and they were gone about 3:30 or so. There were a couple of screws missing from Dave's chainsaw so nothing was done about the storm damage. The fiance did, however, edge most of my yard with the weed eater and an area was cleared of grass and debris for the motor-home to be parked across from the hay barn. Without the fiance the work party as Amanda called it would have been a total bust.  I think Darryl did assist with clearing the area for the RV. No horses were rinsed and no work was done on manes and tails but the yard looked good other than my overgrown flower beds. Amanda had done about a third of the little bed in the front but she hadn't finished it so I was grateful for the edging.  I definitely appreciate the hard working fiance. If Amanda or Darryl had given me the quality of work he did, there wouldn't have been a problem.

By this time Amanda knew the people from Florida weren't arriving until sometime the following week. She didn't know exactly which day though. I was still hoping to get some kind of work out of her and I knew nothing would happen over the weekend if she knew the date of their arrival. There was a lot of work to do and I certainly thought she owed me that much and she wasn't denying it.

I suppose honesty was more than I should have expected considering everything that had happened but I was still hoping some part of Amanda was sincere. I was about to find out how truly wrong I was.

Nothing was done over the weekend to ready the horses and little was done on the farm. Darryl waded up a couple of tarps that had been in the area where the RV was to be moved. Amanda had fixed a narrow walkway where the mud was bad but that had been at least a week earlier and nothing more had been done. If Amanda did anything with the horses over the weekend, it was to feed them lunch but I would not swear to that.

Then Monday when I went out to put one of the stallions out, I ran into Amanda going out to the barns.  She was smoking a cigarette, something she was told she was not to do on my property so maybe that should have been my first clue that something was up since Erin had immediately defying my request to not smoke here when she knew she was leaving. When I asked her why she claimed she was under such stress she had to smoke. I reminded her second hand smoke is dangerous for her baby and there is no way to protect him from it when it is in her clothes and hair and on her skin. She owed it to him to stop. She ignored this information and soon after  informed me they were packing up and leaving that day. She said at least a couple of different parties from Craigslist were interested in the RV.

I must admit this while thing caught me off guard. They quite literally didn't have their own pot to pee in. The thought they would up and leave abruptly hadn't occurred to me. I didn't know what to think.  As I tried to make some sense of this, I found myself asking her where they were going.  She replied they were moving in with her sister and her fiance.

I don't recall how I exited this conversation but I didn't say anything rude nor did I yell. I was polite even though I had good reason to scream. My mind was racing. I had people flying in from Florida in 4 days and Amanda Wright was leaving me high and dry. Like that wasn't bad enough, she was planning on deserting that ugly monstrosity of a motor-home right there next to my house where it not only would be the first thing anyone saw coming onto my farm but where it would remain as the fire hazard that it is so if the inevitable fire ever happened it would burn my house too.  Here I had believed she couldn't really get any lower.....and she did.

To be continued.......

More Pieces Towards Getting There....

The Beginning of the End

Part 1 of the Black Years

Part One of Amanda's Wright's Story

Considering the concerned horse person Amanda claimed to be, it is hard to imagine how she could ignore so much and still make such an assertion. JJ commented on yesterday's post that she thought Amanda and Darryl were the worst we had here and I believe she is probably right. However,  it's important to menton Amanda was quite outspoken in her complaints about Jessica and Erin. In hindsight I realize  that was nothing more than a way to get her foot in the door by making it look like she would be some much better than either of the other two.....yet there she was....so much worse in so many ways.

 The only reason I qualify my agreement with JJ is Amanda was around so much longer than anyone else and I am always trying to be fair but the reality is whenever Erin or Jessica were specifically asked to do something they did a much better job than Amanda ever did. Trouble or any of my other horses did not end of looking like poor Trouble while Jessica and Erin were here.   Erin actually spent more time in the barn than Amamda ever did and Erin was only here 2 months next to Amanda's 9.

More horses actually were groomed by Erin than Amanda too, even though that isn't saying much. I was embarrassed by the way my horses looked twice when I showed them to prospective buyers when Amanda supposedly got them ready for the people to see. I was NOT embarrassed by what Erin did to get horses ready when people came during her stay. The job could have been better, considering she came from a show barn and the prospective buyers were looking for show horses, but the horses were presentable. Yet Amanda had criticized what Erin did when she appeared here that day.

Last August I had people coming from Florida to look at a mare and her two daughters. Like anytime I have people coming, I want all of my horses to be groomed since I never know when someone will decide they want to see another horse. These particular people I expected would want to see all of the horses because bloodlines tend to differ across the country so this would be their opportunity to see different horses than they are used to in their neck of the woods.

With Amanda no longer pregnant I expected her to get my horses cleaned up for this visit, all of them, not just a few as I had asked when people had come over the winter.  Dave expected the ugly RV to be moved to a less conspicuous location. There were also some expectations about getting the farm in order. One of which was getting mats fixed since the mare and one of her daughters has the worst mats on the place. I also wanted a muddy walkway fixed and the lawn mowed and edged.

I knew approximately when these people were coming but I also knew from Amanda's past performances that she would put these chores off so I gave her a deadline that was a week earlier than the actual visit. I didn't let her know the people were coming later. For all Amamda knew her deadline was the real deal.

I wanted all of my horses' manes and tails combed out and kept that way as well as each horse thoroughly rinsed off. I gave her enough time she could have bathed them all if she was really interested in making up for all the time she'd let me down.

Interestingly enough at this time, Darryl began some program with the state that he was forced to attend because his child was now on the welfare rolls. As I had predicted, stalls were not being done while Darryl was gone for these purposes. The program, however, didn't take up as much time as expected so its impact was not as bad as it would later become but enough to finally be getting through to Dave.

I kept asking Amanda how she was doing with getting the horses groomed and I reminded her I was not going to tolerate being embarrassed by dirty horses again. She claimed she was making her way through manes and tails but I reminded her she needed to be making progress on getting them rinsed too so that we would only need to do a quick touch up the day before the people arrived.

Amamda assured me she was beginning that task on Friday. Her sister and her fiancé were going to help. They planned to come first thing in the morning and then be here the whole day for a work party. The fiancé was going to work on the storm damage from two winters ago and her sister would hold horses for rinsing. Amanda figured they would put a big dent in the job then.

I had experienced Amanda's idea of a work party with her sister and fiancé before. They had shown up after 1 and were gone around 3. The only real worker in the group was the fiancé. I didn't expect this time to be any different.

While I was pressuring Amamda to get the horses cleaned up, Dave was doing the same thing with the RV. He told Amanda the thing could NOT stay where it was. It had to be moved or else......

Dave is a very easy going guy. He would have to be to live with me. I push him pretty hard and he rarely pushes back. I think Amanda had seen enough to know she'd better take him seriously when he said "or else because that is really unlike him. The RV wasn't running yet but she claimed to be waiting on parts.

Darryl actually found a job working for Subway. His orientation was to start the same week the people were coming from Florida. I knew the stall cleaning was done by the way they had already handled Darryl's absences. Amanda did feed lunch sometimes but she had not touched a stall. The working dynamo she'd claimed to be when she was grooming her way onto my farm was just one more lie. She had a lousy work ethic and her word was useless. The only question I had was how high and dry would she leave me with people coming all the way from Florida?

To be continued.....

The End Gets One Step Closer........

This picture is Surprise. I should have posted it yesterday when I was talking about her. As you can see from the attitude, she expects to be appreciated. I love this little mare. Hope I get to breed her someday. Curretnl that's not looking likely.

Some "Special" Treatment for the Twins and More Shortcuts...

 Part 1 of the Black Years

 Part One of Amanda's Wright's Story


The more time that passed here without the promised help, the more frustrated I became. There were so many instances were I felt used that I couldn't walk out the door and see that hideous RV and not feel exploited.

That thing was so bad they had a tarp over the roof with milk jugs full of water tied with hanks of yellow plastic rope at each grommet to anchor it down to stop the leaks. During a windstorm that tarp caught air and wrapped itself around the power line going to my house. The weight of it all caused the line to sag and as the wind gusted the whole thing bounced and blew. The dangling anchors flung about like dancers in some misguided choreography, thrown by the wind and jerked back by their tethers,weaving themselves together in a unwieldy mass that dangerously jerked at the power line. Watching the movement of this conglomeration, I feared the force would rip the wires down or tear them loose and start a fire.

Of course Darryl and Amanda were gone and when I called her about the danger she showed no concern. The only thing that mattered was her schedule and she was busy. You'd think if she wasn't worried about my house burning down, she would have at least have been worried about her own since the RV was parked so close if one burned so would the other. 

I ended up out in the storm fencing with the milk hugs to untangle this mess, not an easy fete with a cramped abdomen. When I finally got this mess off the wires, I pushed the wadded up tarp underneath the RV so it wouldn't blow around and cause no more problems. It stayed there for months until I insisted they do something with it and the other junk they has accumulated around and underneath the RV.  Neither of them ever apologized for the problem and that too irritated me. it seemed like everywhere I turned there was another reminder of their sense of entitlement.

Every time I worked outside picking rocks or turning horses out etc that Amanda was supposed to do while she and Darryl sat in their motor-home playing on their computers, I felt raped. Every time I stepped in their dogs poop or cleaned up after them in my bathroom....I felt raped. Every time I had to clean their rotten food out of my refrigerator or found no room in my freezer, and had to clean up the crap down my hallway that Darryl dragged in, I felt raped.  Plain and simple....to be hurting so badly I could hardly stand while those two played on my WiFi was more than I could take especially when there were these other things happening to add salt in the wounds.

Then when I shared these feelings with Dave, his response was he didn't want to do anymore work. I'm sure he thought it could not be that bad but I have been raped in my lifetime, actually more than once.  A man who raped me actually turned into a murder-rapist who killed a woman I knew so I am familiar with what being raped feels like and to be old, sick and exploited for nearly 2 years has all the emotional elements of rape: humiliated, powerless, guilty, ashamed, embarrassed, exploited, exposed, weak, vulnerable, abandoned, depressed, unworthy, unloved, used and abused, the list goes on. The repetitions of these events only exacerbated these feelings and  the wedge between Dave and I grew every time I pushed through my pain while they played and Lindsay and I worked. It was getting pretty ugly here. My horses were fine but I was falling into the darkness with no lifeline in reach.

By the time the baby came I had a pretty clear picture of what Amanda Wright was about. She had led me to believe she saw horse keeping the same way I did and that's what she would do once she was here but it only took a few days after they arrived for me to see it was all a lie. If she really felt the same as I, she would have been in the barn grooming horses and seeing to the turnout rotation instead of hold up in her trailer acting like the horses didn't exist.

At no time during her stay did Amamda show anything that looked like genuine concern for my horses despite the fact she was trying to convince me otherwise. There were a few, very limited instances, where she mentioned to me a horse had an issue but she didn't follow through with the care the horse needed.

As an example, some time over this last summer, after the baby came, Amanda noticed Surprise was injured. The mare must have been kicked by another horse. She had a huge lump on her jowl, a cut that looked like it might be infected(I thought it might be from a hoof's edge although it was not long enough to show a curve) and her eye was swollen closed and weepy. Treatment was twice a day icing/cold hosing, SMZs and ointment for the eye but Amanda didn't follow through after the initial treatment even though she kept the medications with her in the RV so she wouldn't forget.  She didn't take care of Surprise unless she was reminded by me. After she went somewhere leaving Surprise's medications out of reach,  so even we could not treat her, I ended up having her return them to me so I could monitor the status of Surprise's care. I prepared the SMZs so all Amanda had to do was give them but it  was only the first three days that she was involved in Surprise's care at all.  It was easier for me to take care of the mare myself or have Dave do it than chase Amanda down.

How Amanda could claim to love the horses and ignore/forget Surprise's injury is beyond me but it is just one of many examples that says Amanda does not love horses like she claims. Luckily there were not many injuries but most of them weren't even seen by Amanda. Lindsay was and is my eyes and ears.

Then there was the issue of keeping the horses clean. Not having shavings in the wintertime required some extra attention to keep the horses clean.   Their long winter hair is like a magnet for poop and pee. If not curried regularly clumps of material can form. Despite my illness I had kept my horses clean until last winter when it was Amanda's job to see this happened. As long as you stay on top of it, it's not a difficult job. Most of my herd is pretty tidy. Only a handful of them require constant watching but Amanda didn't groom them at all.

I pulled Trouble out of his stall one day and he was disgusting with dried on crud totally covering his belly, armpits, hocks and lower legs. The only time I have ever seen anything like this was when Heather Kohl Davis left Vee living in a sewer. Vee's situation was worse because the sludge covered her entire body. I would say that Amanda's behavior was as neglectful as Heather's. Lucky for my horses they weren't living in circumstances like poor Vee.

I spent two hours hosing this mess trying to soften it so I could get it off. In the process I was stepping in Amanda's dog's crap. Two days earlier Amanda had turned Trouble out and she had ignored this disgusting mess because she didn't want to deal with it. The whole time I have been laid up my horses have never looked this bad but it never occurred to me this woman would  neglect my horses like this.

Like this all was not enough there was another nasty habit Darryl had. My stalls are wood and having a board kicked loose is pretty common with all of these mares. Instead of hammering them back up, Darryl would pull them off and throw the board out of his way never telling anyone. Eventually there were more boards over my french drain than there were forming the partitions separating the mares. It was only as Dave discovered the extent of this that he began to realize he was spending more time fixing Darryl's messes than he had ever spent cleaning stalls. The lazier Darryl got, the more Dave realized this wasn't turning out like he had expected either. Darryl didn't know it yet but Dave was reaching his boiling point.

To be continued.....

The Beginning of the End......

Getting to Enough......the Reality and Some Predictions....

 Part 1 of the Black Years



 Part One of Amanda's Wright's Story

Despite my confrontation with Amanda, things continued on as they were. Occasionally Darryl and Lindsay would work on stall mats but with 2 people cleaning stalls, the issues with the mats could have been resolved the first month they were here if Amanda had been interested in doing what she'd promised.  As it was, mats were only fixed when there was so much debris pushed up underneath, the stalls really weren't safe.

It usually took me pointing out to Lindsay that a particular stall needed work, even if it was a stall that Darryl was responsible for maintaining, for mats to be fixed. It really wasn't an issue of him not knowing. It was that Darryl wasn't doing anything he could avoid.

Without Lindsay any problem mats wouldn't have been fixed at all. As far as I know, Darryl didn't ever do this work without Lindsay's involvement and he didn't reciprocate by assisting her with mats on the stalls she cleaned.
During the 9 months they were here, only one stall had the situation fixed properly where the stall was re-leveled, gravel brought in and rolled, and the mats put back in place. There were 8 more that needed that kind of fix. The 1 that did get fixed only happened because I raised a pretty big fit over it after 8 months of nagging hadn't worked.

And just for the record this particular stall was not only the worst but it was one that Darryl cleaned so he saw the situation every day that he did stalls but still ignored it.

Amamda can't say she didn't know it was a problem either because the one thing she did do for me when I asked was worm horses. That meant she went in each stall and actually saw the irregular surface that mare was living with. If she cared for the horses like she claimed she would have made sure Darryl fixed it. Instead she turned her back on the situation and she ignored my requests to have it done.

Of course, Amanda used being pregnant and work as her excuse for not doing things here but personally I believe both were about her having a reason not to do what she'd promised, if not for me, at least for Darryl, since even he didn't understand why she was avoiding me when she'd convinced him that horses were her dream and she wanted to be mentored by me. Darryl took on stall cleaning because she convinced him he must so she could have what she dreamed.

Even though Amamda had a job, she began driving a taxi for extra money but she soon quit the Wal-Mart job because she claimed they wouldn't work with her taxi schedule. However, as I correctly predicted, that job too quickly went by the wayside. By then Amanda claimed she was feeling poorly so age did nothing until after the baby was born.

At no point do I want to suggest I expected Amanda to put her health or that of her baby at risk because that was never the case. Darryl could have easily done the job Amanda promised if he'd wanted. My observations about Amanda's status are strictly informational, pieces to the puzzle, and how I got to my opinions.

After 18 months of dealing with the way Amanda operates, I believe it was her intention all along to avoid work of any kind. Maybe she thought she could live here indefinitely, like she had at Jerry's, but by this time I had had it with being exploited and I wasn't going to let her slide. I was sure they would push Dave beyond his limits and then he would ask them to go. It was just a matter of time.

It was becoming clearer to me all  this had been about Darryl taking care of Amanda because she was doing what she could to avoid any kind of work herself. Once the baby was born she would get assistance from the state and no longer need to work but the state would require Darryl to get a real job.

I predicted if Darryl found a job that would be the end of the stall cleaning. The state wouldn't care about any arrangement with us and I figured Amanda would not step up as she'd claimed she would after the baby came. Then it would finally be enough for Dave to reach his limit.

To be continued.....

Picture is Rose

Some "Special" Treatment for the Twins and More Shortcuts..........

Counter Measures........and Ploys.....

 Part 1
As the words came from Darryl's mouth, I had to check myself. The rage I already felt now fueled by the incredible selfishness his response indicated. How dare he live here and neglect the horses entrusted to his care. In all my life I have not felt more contempt for an individual than at that moment.

I was definitely well beyond my limits with these two but my easy going husband was not. If it had been up to me, they both would have been gone then and there but my illness, and the responsibility for all these horses, has strained our relationship so I didn't know if it would endure if I took from my husband what he perceived as help. Without him there is no way I could afford to take care of these horses even if I wasn't ill so I had to suck it up and deal with this situation regardless of my feelings until Dave could see that there really was no benefit for him to have these two vultures living here. Unfortunately, doing so came with a price.  I no longer just resented these two for their exploitation but I resented my husband for putting his needs over everyone else's.  The longer it took for Dave to understand there was no benefit in putting up with their nonsense, the bigger wedge being driven between us. This illness, that could have brought us closer, had become a breeding ground for a virus, the question was would the resulting illness be terminal to my marriage of nearly 40 years?

As ludicrous as it sounds, I knew Dave's reaction to Darryl's behavior without even discussing it with him so I tried to remain professional with Darryl instead of snapping his head off like I wanted. I reminded him it was his responsibility to both prepare and fix the beet pulp and that he darn we'll better do it. Then I went into the house and called Amanda in to confront her.

When she came in she looked pale and drawn but I couldn't afford to let that sway me. If I couldn't get Dave to support me with what Darryl had done, I needed to gather what I could to build my case with him.  Knowing Dave it would take a mountain of evidence before it finally sunk in. I knew confronting Amanda would not change her behavior but however she handled it would affect Dave even if in only a small way. A brick at a time would be better than no brick at all.

I was not prepared for Amanda's response when I told her she was not doing a single thing she had promised. Instead of arguing that Darryl was fulfilling her responsibilities as I had expected, Amanda agreed with me. She actually said, "You're right." which caught me off guard for a brief moment until she began making excuses.

I am a believer in the golden rule so when talking with Amanda and Darryl, I tried to treat them with dignity and respect even though I didn't really want to but when Amanda's excuses began to roll my resolve was sorely tested. No way could I have Predicted Amanda's reasoning and it certainly made no sense to me.

You see Amanda claimed she couldn't do anything here because everything belonged to me. She couldn't groom my horses or clean the bathroom or refrigerator or fix up the farm because all those things and the necessary equipment and tools belonged to me too. According to Amanda, her whole life she had been screamed at for touching other people's things and doing things wrong so she was immobilized with fear thinking she would be yelled at for touching somebody else's things or screwing up. She claimed she didn't realize this would be a problem because it hadn't been when she was at Jerry's but then she figured that could be because she had known him since she was a kid.

What struck me about this was that this motivation didn't stop her from using the things she needed. She used our bathroom, washer and dryer and the fridge as well as Dave's tools to work on her vehicles and our hoses to put water in her car.. The only things she didn't use were the ones needed to do the promised work and she certainly could have been directing Darryl to do the work. They didn't pick up after themselves either and that didn't require our tools just a little elbow grease but I guess Amanda didn't think of those things when she used this flimsy excuse on me.

She made no excuses for the lack of communication that occurred when we were not informed Darryl wouldn't be around to feed, water or clean stalls. Nor were there about Amanda not providing horses with turnout. Those complaints amd requests for communication were ignored.

And one more thing, Amanda claimed she had called her therapist to schedule an appointment so she could deal with these issues. She also claimed her therapist was surprised to hear that Amanda needed help because she had been so confident before. I must admit I think this was nothing but a ploy to get her off the hook with me. As long as Amanda claimed "I can't" nothing is exactly what would happen......and nothing is exactly what did.

To be continued.......

Getting to Enough.......

The Plot Thickens

 Part 1

To make this all the more pathetic, Darryl did not take orders from any of us. Amanda was his boss. He could have cared less about keeping us happy whether we were providing them a safe place to live or not. He just cared about keeping the peace with her. I would tell him what I needed of him and he basically just ignored me.

When I did talk to Darryl about what I wanted him to do, he would mumble something about needing to talk with Amanda like he must run everything by her first but that was really the end of it. I don't know if he ever actually spoke with Amanda or if it was just s ploy to rid himself of me. It probably doesn't matter much which was the case, what matters is I made clear what I needed done and those requests were ignored.

When I realized that talking to Darryl wasn't working, I tried talking directly to Amanda but that didn't accomplish anything either. Sometimes there was no acknowledgment that she even heard what I needed him to do and other times she would say she'd talk to Darryl. Either way it was a dead end just like talking directly to him had been. Nothing came of my requests but it wasn't because I didn't keep asking and reminding them of what I needed done here.

There were a very few exceptions where Darryl actually started a task but even then "started" is the keyword. Sometimes I would get a promise of help but it usually ended badly. In particular, soon after they arrived comes to mind as a task both Amanda and Darryl committed to doing....a very important one.

I was having great difficulty feeding the horses lunch because of my issues with pain. I mentioned to Amanda my reticence to add the chore to Lindsay's already long list because her brain damage makes it difficult for her to track feed changes.  With lunch I feed the extras to my hard keepers and any horses that are experiencing a growth spurt or needing a short term boost so Lindsay doesn't have to deal with the changes. Amanda volunteered Darryl for this task  but asked that I provide her with a list of who got what. This happened, of course, before I learned Darryl was not trustworthy. By this time I did get that Amanda would not be living up to her promises anytime soon but it never occurred to me that would include not feeding my horses. Everything she did say indicated the horses were important to her and she wouldn't abide their needs not being met so I believed this task would be handled.

To assure everything went as it should, in addition to fixing a list for Darryl, I  showed him how to measure and soak the beet pulp so that it was ready for lunch and for the nighttime feeding that I prepare each day. I even showed him how to measure and feed this combination of beet pulp, rolled oats, vitamins and oil. I walked him through each step so there would be no misunderstandings and he could take these chores over for me.With that done I monitored this task for several days to assure it was happening as needed and not ending up like other chores I'd needed from him. 

I must admit I was looking forward to turning this task over to Darryl. It was a huge relief not to have to force myself to my feet because doing so only makes my pain that much worse. I was already dealing with pain so intense tearing my hair out or banging my head into the wall actually seemed like a reasonable distraction so God knows I needed this help.

There really was no break from this pain increase when I checked up on Darryl each day so once I thought he had the job down and it looked to me he really was going to follow through I stopped going to the barn to assure the horses were all getting hay for lunch and any of the horses I was trying to put weight on and the hard keepers were getting the extras needed as spelled out on the list he'd been given.

Not long into this arrangement, I found myself questioning Dave about whether this noon time meal was happening as directed. With his varied work schedule he wasn't here for lunch other than a couple of times a week but he said he could see Darryl tending to it then. Still it seemed to me we were not going through the amount of beet pulp we should be so I kept pushing Dave to check its status and I monitored weight of the horses I could see from the house. I also tried to track when Dave was going to the feed company trying to ascertain if the horses were being fed what I wanted.

With Amanda doing nothing with the horses, I was turning stallions out on those days I could push through the pain enough to get that done. Since the stallions are all on my lunch list I used this to check their status and I was very frustrated by the fact I wasn't seeing the weight gain I expected on them.  I kept asking Dave to check if beet pulp was ready in the barn and for other signs that might explain this lack of progress. It just didn't make sense to me that there was no headway but the only time it appeared that lunch was being missed was when Amanda took Darryl to run errands or go to doctor's appointments etc.

About 3 months into this I was putting out Legs when Lindsay asked me if I would wash blankets for Dancer and Rhapsody. I told her I would if she would take them off and carry them to the house because the movement required to accomplish those tasks really exacerbates my pain.

Since both mares were on my lunch list, I decided to check their weight while they were naked. Both are relatively easy keepers but had lost some weight when the grass quit growing in the fall. I had just added both to the lunch list before Amanda and Darryl arrived. By this time they really should have put that weight back on but that hadn't happened. Neither had lost weight nor had they gained any. I knew when I looked at them, there was no way those mares were getting the extras on the list and I was pretty sure if that was the case, none of the others were either.

Even if I hadn't had the experience with Kellee Panowicz, this would have made me mad but I was beyond mad. I was livid.....seething rage from every pore, livid. I stormed over to Darryl cleaning stalls, swallowed hard so I could speak without fire spewing from my mouth and scorching him to the cinders he deserved. Don't ask me how I managed to sound calm because I don't know but I heard these words in what sounded like normal tones, "Darryl, have you been feeding beet pulp at lunch?"

His one word answer, "No."

When I asked him "Why not?"

Without shame or discomfort of any kind he responded, "Because it wasn't fixed."

To be continued....

Countermeasures........and Ploys......

Nightmares.....and Torture.......

 Part 1 of the Black Years



 Part One of Amanda's Wright's Story


It didn't take long to see my suspicions about Amanda Weight were correct. If they didn't have some kind of plans, Darryl cleaned part of the stalls and he usually watered those horses then too but the  only time Amanda went anywhere near the barn was to talk with Darryl. She was living here but, with few exceptions, not lifting a finger to do anything and she sure wasn't showing any interest in the horses.

Considering her sole purpose for being here was her claim she loved this breed so much that she couldn't wait to get her hands on horses of such quality, her behavior once she arrived was quite the contrary. There was nothing in her behavior that said she loved horses.  If Amanda had a reason for Darryl to be gone, they went. I wasn't told he was cutting out on doing stalls and no arrangements were made to feed the horses either. Amanda came first with no consideration for, or obligation to, the horses. Not really what I would call appropriate horse care and certainly miles away from love.

By this time the change in doctors had halted the progress of my recovery.  I was once again flat on my back, crippled with debilitating pain. I was like that before Erin left but managed to push my way through to get to my feet sometimes for an hour or more a day, maybe a couple of times a week,  but that continued to deteriorate.

My new primary care physician thought, because there had been a decrease in the amount of pain medication I was taking, that it was time to get me off these medications altogether. He didn't look at my chart to check out my history or look for any kind of explanation for the amount of pain I was in. He just figured it must be getting better. Why else would I cut back on my meds? 

I tried to deal with his cutbacks thinking doctor knows best. Initially he dropped my dose by 2 tablets. Then each month, my dosage was cut back by one more. Due to these decreases, I ended up literally writhing in pain because the dose was so low it had no impact on my pain levels at all. I was so far on the other side of the pain threshold, nothing worked.

I told my doctor I was experiencing too much pain for these decreased but by then it was too late to fix it. Our new state law requires chronic pain be treated by a pain specialist. The law wouldn't allow my doctor to return my meds to the dose that worked. He could increase the dose by one pill and maintain that until I could get in to the specialist but he had started me off with a bigger decrease than that.

I was referred to a pain management clinic where I ended up on a waiting list with a prescription to get me through that was actually half of the amount that allowed me to get to my feet for that hour a day. It was a horrible way to live.

By the time Amanda arrived here, that's where I was...on the waiting list. Pretty much restricted to the couch, in a slouched position trying to avoid being upright, unable to stand. I was in so much pain I could barely walk upright. I could get to the barn for an emergency but I could hardly manage a few minutes standing.

For my peace of mind, I desperately needed the help Amanda promised but she had no compunction about moving here and staying hold up in her RV ignoring my horses and their needs. I guess I shouldn't be surprised that she could do such a thing, since she had been there on my arm at the horse show sowing the seeds to get herself here in the first place. I guess I just don't understand why anyone would choose to be so cold, so heartless. Those people saw my condition every single day........and still they took advantage.

I can hear Amanda defending herself because she got a job at Wal-Mart so she was working 32 hours a week AND, after all she was pregnant. However, as I told her, that did not change our agreement. She could have spent some time after work and on her days off grooming horses and cleaning up around here or directing Darryl in what to do but I think that was never her plan.

The way that I saw it, if Darryl was filling in for Amanda then he was here in the capacity of a farm hand so he should have been working on whatever needed to be done. From what I can tell, Amanda had an idea in her mind how much it would cost to park that RV in a park so I think she had decided that the stalls Darryl was cleaning were enough to satisfy that even if I didn't agree to any such thing.

I believe my thoughts on this are accurate because months after they moved in, she actually told me RV parking would cost around $189 but I knew better. Anticipating this ploy, I  looked up RV parks in our area when she moved here. There was nothing under $475, most were well over. That didn't include WiFi and certainly not bathrooms and laundry facilities and absolutely NONE of the parks would even allow an RV the condition of hers. Not that any of this mattered because she didn't get to change our agreement without my approval but the fact she threw that number out there (which BTW was the fee listed on the internet for an RV park torn down years ago) shows she was justifying to herself what she was doing to me.

The fact is I had clearly told her I was not interested in having someone live here in exchange for stall cleaning. Nothing had changed that. I wanted my horses groomed and turned out regularly and repairs done and even though Amanda justified to herself Darryl couldn't do that because he isn't experienced with horses, nothing changed her responsibility to me. When she moved here she knew exactly what was expected but she also knew others had successfully exploited my circumstances. She made the decision to do the same thing when she ignored her responsibilities to me and my horses and my family.



To be continued......

The Plot Thickens........

Moving In.........Another Nightmare Begins....

 Part 1

That motor-home barely made it off of Jerry's farm before it broke down. Amanda had to have it towed to even get it here.  Hours after they should have arrived, she called to say they were stuck at a stranger's farm just down the road from Jerry's,  waiting for a tow truck. I didn't know what to say, a weak "Oh" my only response. After she hung up, I began thinking of the implications. That was my first real indicator of the condition of that RV, even though I probably should have known considering how she got it.

Sitting there after I got off the phone, thinking about this new information, I wished I had told her she couldn't tow that RV here. Now I can give you all kinds of reasons why that would have been appropriate but not then. I just couldn't bring myself to do it. All I could think of was that poor baby and how much help it needed with parents like these. If there was any way I could help get them back on track, I had to try.  I knew the odds were slim to none that coming here would change anything and that we would most likely be better off if they weren't here but I had to try.

Even now when I think about that phone call I cringe at my choice and I must remind myself what happened here is on them. They are the ones who chose to exploit my circumstances and they are the ones responsible for the way of life they are teaching their baby. What a mess!

In order to tow that motor-home, the drive line had to be disconnected so  when it arrived here it was incapable of being parked out of the way. It pretty much got left where the tow rig could maneuver it near the power pole. Dave told Amanda he wanted the drive line hooked back up ASAP. He did not want that thing sitting there with the drive shaft touching the ground and since Amanda insisted its problems were only minor and it could go short distances even without being repaired, there was no reason for her not to comply. Once it was reconnected, the RV could be moved to a more reasonable place than where it ended up. The only problem with that plan was Amanda ignored Dave's request...and his reminders.

That motor-home was a huge, broken down, moss growing hunk of junk and the first thing anyone saw coming into my farm and it stayed in that spot the entire 9 months they lived here. Its position actually blocked a portion of my driveway making it difficult to navigate the corner.  My truck and trailer and the farrier and vet rigs had to drive across part of my lawn to get to the barns due to the way the thing was parked but Amanda and Darryl didn't notice or care. They were oblivious to anyone's needs but their own.

If it wasn't bad enough the way the RV was blocking my driveway and my parking area, Amanda parked her car just as poorly. Instead of putting it out of the way, she parked it in front of the RV blocking AND across the sidewalk blocking access to Dave's parking spot and access to our front porch and the front paddock.. Depending on her car's location sometimes Dave could maneuver his way between her car and the RV to get to his parking space in front of our house but other times he was forced to park on the other side of the driveway near the front field. When it was parked so Dave could park his car in its normal spot, she parked so far out it was impossible to lead a horse through there. Amanda's need to park close to her doorway trumped my husband's desire to park near his own front door or the stallions' need for turnout.

This may seem like a petty complaint but it was very upsetting to me and it offended me just as Jessica's leaving Dave out when she fixed dinner.  There was room for 2 cars to be parked there in front of the house if they were pulled up to the log separating the flower bed from the parking spots.  When Amanda chose to disregard the parking area and leave her car out in the driveway or across the walkway, I saw her behavior as an indicator of her sense of entitlement as well as her disrespect for what was being done for them. Dave was paying the bills for the land she was parked on and she had the audacity to inconvenience him and she interfered with our ability to turnout horses. I can assure you when she was coming here working her con to get here that she never once parked in a manner that inconvenienced Dave or blocked that paddock. She even asked where she should be parking. Obviously once she was living on our farm, her fake respect flew out the door along with all of her fake promises. Her treatment of the parking indicative of how she regarded us in general.

It was bad enough that ugly monstrosity of a motor-home was left out in the middle of my yard without that equally ugly Chevette compromising the rest of my front yard. Seeing it parked there like that felt like Amanda was giving me the finger and shoving it in my face each and every day......and we were just getting started with Amanda's time on my farm.

To be continued.......

Nightmares.......and Torture.......

So Much for Clarity.......

 Part 1
As I have already stated, I believed that circumstances with Jessica and Erin would have turned out better if I had set clear  boundaries.  I was determined not to have another problem so I made sure that Amamda knew exactly what was expected of her. I was determined I was not going to be in anymore situations where I felt exploited so we talked about it all. Everything I had learned from the previous situations, I used to get it right.

Amanda not only knew up front all the things I needed done but she knew it couldn't cost us any money for her to be living on our property and I certainly didn't want it to be causing us any more work. In addition to the work we discussed, she would be required to pay her utilities including garbage and she was required to recycle.  Also since she would be using my bathroom, she was to help with its cleaning. Even that was spelled out, twice a month it was her responsibility to clean it. Because she only had a tiny fridge in the RV, I told her she could use a portion of my extra fridge and she could put a few things in its freezer but she must clean up after herself and respect our needs. Nothing was left unsaid, even keeping her areas cleaned and orderly was discussed. I did not intend to have anyone disrespecting my things or my property again so when I thought of something we hadn't covered, I brought it up and we had months to get this right.

We talked about her dog and cat. The cat was supposed to be an indoor cat so that wasn't supposed to be a problem.  I told her dog  must be cleaned up after  immediately because I did not want nor need to be cleaning up after another dog and I sure didn't want to be stepping in dog poop. Amanda insisted this all went without saying but I wasn't taking anymore chances. I made sure we talked about it all.

She asked about the location where her  motor-home would need to be parked inconspicuously so it didn't detract from my farm or the horses. We talked about the possibility of it being parked near the house but if that didn't work there was a place across from the barns.  She would purchase a privacy screen to assure it was hidden. She even sent me links to the site she intended to purchase this screen from so I could choose an appropriate color that would blend with its surroundings. She claimed she didn't want her presence here to be a problem in any way.

Since we were already talking about the effect of the farm looking rundown, this conversation made sense. A big older RV parked helter skelter could quickly make an old farm look worse. It was an important consideration but in reality it was just another part of her ruse. Amanda didn't do anything once she was here that showed she cared about anyone's needs but hers.

I believed I had learned much from the other exploitations so the boundaries were clearly set. The only problem with that is setting boundaries alone is no protection from those who take advantage of others. Such people know how to work their way in and then they do exactly as they please and that is exactly how it went with Amanda. She was definitely all talk and nothing I could have said or done would've made this turn out differently, except of course never allowing her on my property in the first place.

Sometime during Erin's stay, Amanda began talking about having a boyfriend in the Midwest. Next I  heard he was coming to visit in August for his birthday. The ink was barely dry on her divorce papers so it seemed to me this was a lot in a very short amount of time but Amanda said they had been online friends for a couple of years. To me it made no sense....but it certainly would later.

Soon Amanda's pitch of all that could be done for me began to include Darryl. He is not a horse person but he would be able to assist her with the work.  She claimed he was a computer geek and he would fix my computer and he could help me get my website updated......more promises never met.

Darryl arrived in August and Amanda promptly got pregnant. Of course I wasn't told that at first. Actually I really was not told it at all. I discovered she was pregnant and then confronted her about it. At first she claimed that wouldn't affect our arrangement.

Darryl quit his job at Walmart to come to see Amanda. He had no driver's license because he forgot to renew it before he left and he was broke so he was living with Amanda who also had no job. He is considerably younger than her and she is definitely the alpha in this relationship. Darryl does what Amanda says, nothing more but definitely less if he can get away with it.

Right from his arrival, Amanda was pushing to move here. She complained the living conditions on the other farm were growing worse. Then once the pregnancy was out in the open, Amanda couldn't wait to come here because that other farm was not a safe place to raise her baby.

I wanted to know she was going to do the work  but she was pushing stall cleaning for Darryl when she had been clearly told for months that stall cleaning was not what the offer had been. Every time  she brought it up I reminded her my horses needed grooming and turnouts and the farm needed repairs and that was our deal. Amanda heard what she wanted.  I believe she had no intentions of doing anything with the horses or the farm. I think she decided in her mind what should be enough for parking her RV on my farm but she didn't tell me she had decided on less than she had promised. She deliberately withheld it, just as she's left out so many details along the way. Whether that worked for me was not her concern. She wanted to be away from the hoarder's place and I think she wanted people to know she was here because she thought it would give her credibility. Just like Crystal Baker, she  traded on my name.

I could see the writing on the wall before she ever got here  I was not the one who wanted Amanda here once Darryl entered the scene and Amanda got pregnant. Dave and Lindsay wanted to believe that Amanda was sincere and she did a pretty good job of working us against each other. By the time Amanda and Darryl moved here the only one recognizing the truth was me and I was too sick to fight my husband over this so I went along hoping I was wrong but terrified I was right.





Are you groaning yet?

To be continued.......

Moving In........ Another Nightmare Begins Thanks to Amanda
.