Wednesday, October 30, 2013

Cleaning Up......

 Part 1 of the Black Years

Part One of Amanda's Wright's Story

First off I have to say despite the terse comment made on Facebook, this is my blog and it is my prerogative to write whatever I deem appropriate. The subject matter of these last months is not what I would have chosen as part of my journey with horses but it did happen because of the horses. The impact has been so profound, it is appropriate to the share the story so others can protect themselves should they find themselves in vulnerable circumstances.

I know before this, I wouldn't have believed this could happen to me. I thought I was healthy,  I was most definitely strong, capable and self sufficient and I believed I was a good judge of character. I suppose this gave me a false sense of security but in addition I just didn't believe that so many people were out there looking to make their way on the backs of others. I am a glass half full kind of person and with that I wanted to believe the best in people.

These last two and a half years have set all of that on its ear. My opinion of people has changed dramatically. The fact so many chose to capitalize on my weakness and others have decided to ridicule me as I write this story makes me wonder what has happened to people's humanity. It is hard enough to understand why anyone would want to exploit my misfortune like Kelly Panowicz did but to have that followed up by Crystal Baker's battering seemed unbelievable.  Then to reconcile the fact the vultures were not done with me yet or that they gathered in such force has been incomprehensible. For others to see my victimization as a reason to criticize makes me think the world has gone absolutely nuts. How low can anyone go than to kick someone when they are down or to revel in another's misfortune? Yet that is exactly what happened. It is no wonder my psyche feels as battered as my body.

By the time Amanda Wright ( Mannuq Arabians) left here, I felt so beaten I just wanted to pull the covers over my head and never come out. The fact she intended to abandon me knowing people were coming to view horses hit me like a pro boxer's shot to my mid section. I may have realized in my head that Amanda had come here to exploit but my heart still wanted to believe people are better than that and she was just a mixed up kid.  Leaving me high and dry that way had been the fatal blow to my reticence to accept Amanda was really that self-centered and calculating. When that last holdout fell so did my faith in humanity.  I recall thinking I now understood why people choose to become reclusive. With such ongoing treatment why would anyone want to venture out in the world? I was beginning to think that might be a good plan for me. After all of this, I was unsure I ever wanted another visitor on my farm but I did have the people coming from Florida already scheduled. With their plane tickets purchased it was too late to cancel so I knuckled down to get things in order for their visit. I could deal with my broken trust of humanity later.

I had my hands full getting horses ready in time. From the point where I knew Amanda was running out on me, I had four days to get the horses cleaned up and there were still some issues around the farm I needed too and there was the pain. My constant companion still made it difficult to stand so I try not to push myself beyond the point where I can recover in a day or two.

I used the same type of priorities for doing getting horses ready as I would for an open house. I always do the tidiest horses first and the messiest last.  With 29 horses and 4 days, I must have a minimum of 8 horses done per day. That gave me a little extra leeway for dealing with any last minute surprises. I also reserved these showers for after turnouts so the horses wouldn't roll while they were wet. With dinner time immediately after the horses go in at night, they would be preoccupied with eating while they dried.

That meant I used the earlier part of the day for cleaning up the property. The weed eating had been done but there was an assortment of branches, vines, fence posts, wadded up tarps, torn down boards, broken buckets and pieces of wire fencing laying around.  All of these things discarded near their point of origin giving my farm a trashy, uncared for look that had driven me crazy as it developed. I had cleaned this all up the summer before but it developed again thanks to Amanda and Darryl's lack of regard for my property. Now with the culprits gone,  I found myself stuck with cleaning up their mess.

That muddy area between the barns needed to be addressed too since Amanda had only fixed an area wide enough to get a wheelbarrow through so it would be easier for Darryl to clean those stalls. She had not fixed it properly either, just slip shod work that would hold up for the brief time she knew they had left.

I was determined to get these things done, just as I was determined to get the horses presentable despite the condition of my body. It's funny that Amanda was so overwhelmed, she couldn't move but I managed to get my list of tasks accomplished in the four days I had.

I got all the trash picked up so Dave made a trip to the dump. He repaired the stalls that Darryl had dismantled a board at a time because he'd pulled them down instead of nailing them back into place. I lit off the burn pile and fixed a walkway where the mud had been....and I got the horses cleaned up too.

There was still lots of work that needed to be done but the farm looked presentable. I wouldn't be embarrassed when these folks arrived on Saturday but that wouldn't have been the case if it had been up to Amanda. I was physically exhausted and my pain levels were through the roof and I didn't know how I was going to get through showing horses to them.

Just having that ugly RV gone so l didn't have to look at it made me feel better and it definitely improved the look of my farm even with the dead yellowed grass where that monstrosity had parked. I was hoping that relief and an infusion of adrenaline would get me through showing the horses. Dave knows little about their pedigrees and these peopleb were coming particularly to see some individuals of rare bloodlines so I really needed to be up to presenting horses to these people. I had really done myself in getting my farm in order so now I wondered if I should have settled for less. Were my high standards bite me or would they pay off?

To be continued.......

Unexpected News.......


  1. I hope all your hard work paid off. No one should have to go through all this when they are in pain and not feeling well at all.

  2. that is a heck of a lot to take on in 4 days for a healthy person, I hope your efforts did not set you back too badly

  3. I can't believe you could get all that done. I have to split of the task of bathing and grooming just four horses over two days because my back starts aching and I get fatigued. You must be a dynamo.

    It's got to be disappointing if you do all that work every time potential buyers come out, and then they don't buy a horse. But I remember Arabian horse breeders I know telling me that selling horses is what paid off their mortgage, so when sales are finally made, I'm sure it makes all the effort worth it. I'm losing enthusiasm for my line of work in photography and graphics design because no one understands how intensive the labor can be and how little earnings I make in return. I can spend 8 hours doing a photoshoot and two weeks processing photos and sending out communications, and only get one or two orders with a profit of twenty bucks. I have started charging by the hour for individual clients and that helped a little, but there's no way I can make a living doing this. I can imagine that running a horse breeding business can be a strain since it involves a lot of work and there are no guarantees you will make money.

  4. I find myself losing faith in humanity as well. It sometimes seems that whatever I get involved in, I'm surrounded by people who take no pride in themselves or anything they do. It's very sad. I hope you managed to prove that having standards does pay off!

  5. wow - what a lot to take on... I wish I was even remotely close - I would've come to help - espcially with the clean up stuff - I'm good at that! :-)

  6. I am just so sad for you that all these incredible things happened. I wish only the best health and wellness for you. I've been reading your blog for many years and hearing about your ups and downs. Your writing is awe inspiring and you are an incredible survivor.

    I want to say how much I sympathize with how much hurt you have been through. It is so difficult to ward off the blood-sucking vampires! Replacing these folks with truly healthy and supportive people takes a mental shift that is challenging even when our bodies are healthy. I so so hope that you have better people around you now.

    I will keep reading and hoping, but I do want to say how glad I am that you are writing again, even though you are writing of your terrible struggles.