Sunday, October 27, 2013

More Pieces Towards Getting There.....

 Part 1 of the Black Years

Part One of Amanda's Wright's Story

As I walked to the house, I saw Darryl loading their things into the trunk of the car his parents had driven from California to give him soon after the baby came. There was a mean, angry set to his jaw, l had no doubt was directed at me. I had not seen such an expression from him before. Not even on the day I had brought them both in to confront Amanda for not living up to our agreement when I had asked Darryl to be there.  I wanted him to hear both sides of the story since I was already thinking a lot about the position Darryl was in and it seemed to me he might be being manipulated by her as much as we were. Now with his expression so angry I had to wonder what was behind this attitude. They were the ones cutting out on me. I couldn't imagine what he about this was bothering him.

My mind, still whirling with Amanda's disclosure, instantly shifted gears as the implications of this sight began to mesh with her words. This move couldn't have been executed without prior planning. I wanted to know when Amanda had hatched this plan. How long had she lied to me about helping with the horses when she knew all along she would be gone?   Knowing full well how important these visitors were to my business and the future of my dreams, not only was she running out on me, but her actions had denied me the opportunity to make other arrangements for help to get my horses ready now that the weekend was past.  From her demeanor,  she wasn't even giving this betrayal a second thought. I wanted answers so I would finally know how ruthless and conniving Amanda Wright really was.

I continued on into the house so I could think about what this all meant and what I wanted to say to her. Once I had a plan, I went back out and asked Amanda to come into the house to talk once she finished feeding the horses their lunch. She responded "ok" but didn't ask why and I didn't volunteer.

When she came in, I didn't waste any time with platitudes. Despite everything that had happened, I still treated her with dignity and respect, my ethics still more important than my feelings. I  wanted to understand what was going on so right off the bat I asked her when she had begun planning her exit strategy.

Amanda's answer was sometime around two weeks which is exactly when Darryl got hired by Subway. The man had a part time job at minimum wage and there was welfare for the baby so she didn't need us anymore. This timing was exactly what I had been telling Dave for months would happen when Darryl found work. They had used us for whatever they could get and now that they had other options they were out of here with no regard for what they owed.

Even with this revelation all I could think about was Lindsay. I worried about her and the effect of all of this crap on her. She has been jerked around by the promises of all these sleazy people for two and a half years. She gets her hopes up believing she is going to have help only to have those hopes dashed into smithereens. It's hard enough for me to make sense of this but to exploit my brain damaged daughter in this way is just plain cruel. All I could think about was saving Lindsay from this pain.

Amanda, on the other hand, could think of nothing but Amanda.  She was rattling on with her explanation about how hard this was for her and all I could think was how screwed up she is so I confronted her. I actually told her that her life was a mess. She was barely a step above homeless and her priorities were all messed up but she responded by telling me her life was just fine. Her only stress was my horses. "I just can't do it," she claimed. Without my horses her stress would go away.

Still assuming what she says is honest and trying to help her, I told Amanda her problems were much bigger than my herd. Since her method of dealing with being overwhelmed is to become immobilized, crippled by the "can't" she routinely uses to justify being stuck, she was in big trouble whether here or not. She had not shown evidence of good coping skills the entire time she had been here and she had had the opportunity to learn some important life skills. If she had come to me when she first arrived, maybe I could have helped her see how to deal with what seemed to be insurmountable. We could have done a work schedule and presented the work in a more manageable way.

The interesting part of this was the comments she used to discount my recommendations that I didn't pick up on until I thought about this conversation later.  During the course of these remarks, she also discounted things her counselor was telling her which were much the same as I was saying. Amanda was stuck because she choses to be. She was rejecting anything helpful and this information just cemented my thinking that Amanda, like Jessica, doesn't really want to be accountable for her life. She wants people to feel sorry for her as a way to suck them into her games.

As I spoke to her, I did not try to guilt her into staying because I am not a game player. I didn't even know if I wanted her to stay but thinking about Lindsay and what she needed,  I suggested the possibility of talking it over with my family to see if there was a schedule that might work should she want to stay. However, she must talk to me about it by the end of that day.

Of course our conversation was much longer than this but I don't recall everything I said other than it was much the same as I had said before to her about the way she runs her life and those things I advise others as a life coach.

I specifically pointed out that she was healthy and couldn't get the horses ready because she said she couldn't. It wasn't that she was incapable but because she didn't even try. I assured her, even though I am barely able to stand,  the horses would be ready because I believe I must so I would push through despite the obstacles and I would do it by myself. I might pay afterwards for ignoring my body but I would get it done......doing so is what self esteem is all about and she definitely could use some of that.

All of her excuses were pretty much the same old game to avoid responsibility but there was one thing Amanda said that stuck with me. She sat here in my living room and turned on the water works, "I don't want to be one of those people who took advantage of you." she cried.

To be continued.....

An Exit Strategy of Our Own......


  1. Not take advantage of you? A little late for that wasn't it?

  2. Grey Horse said it, "too late!"

    Hope you're feeling better!