Tuesday, October 22, 2013

Counter Measures........and Ploys.....

 Part 1
As the words came from Darryl's mouth, I had to check myself. The rage I already felt now fueled by the incredible selfishness his response indicated. How dare he live here and neglect the horses entrusted to his care. In all my life I have not felt more contempt for an individual than at that moment.

I was definitely well beyond my limits with these two but my easy going husband was not. If it had been up to me, they both would have been gone then and there but my illness, and the responsibility for all these horses, has strained our relationship so I didn't know if it would endure if I took from my husband what he perceived as help. Without him there is no way I could afford to take care of these horses even if I wasn't ill so I had to suck it up and deal with this situation regardless of my feelings until Dave could see that there really was no benefit for him to have these two vultures living here. Unfortunately, doing so came with a price.  I no longer just resented these two for their exploitation but I resented my husband for putting his needs over everyone else's.  The longer it took for Dave to understand there was no benefit in putting up with their nonsense, the bigger wedge being driven between us. This illness, that could have brought us closer, had become a breeding ground for a virus, the question was would the resulting illness be terminal to my marriage of nearly 40 years?

As ludicrous as it sounds, I knew Dave's reaction to Darryl's behavior without even discussing it with him so I tried to remain professional with Darryl instead of snapping his head off like I wanted. I reminded him it was his responsibility to both prepare and fix the beet pulp and that he darn we'll better do it. Then I went into the house and called Amanda in to confront her.

When she came in she looked pale and drawn but I couldn't afford to let that sway me. If I couldn't get Dave to support me with what Darryl had done, I needed to gather what I could to build my case with him.  Knowing Dave it would take a mountain of evidence before it finally sunk in. I knew confronting Amanda would not change her behavior but however she handled it would affect Dave even if in only a small way. A brick at a time would be better than no brick at all.

I was not prepared for Amanda's response when I told her she was not doing a single thing she had promised. Instead of arguing that Darryl was fulfilling her responsibilities as I had expected, Amanda agreed with me. She actually said, "You're right." which caught me off guard for a brief moment until she began making excuses.

I am a believer in the golden rule so when talking with Amanda and Darryl, I tried to treat them with dignity and respect even though I didn't really want to but when Amanda's excuses began to roll my resolve was sorely tested. No way could I have Predicted Amanda's reasoning and it certainly made no sense to me.

You see Amanda claimed she couldn't do anything here because everything belonged to me. She couldn't groom my horses or clean the bathroom or refrigerator or fix up the farm because all those things and the necessary equipment and tools belonged to me too. According to Amanda, her whole life she had been screamed at for touching other people's things and doing things wrong so she was immobilized with fear thinking she would be yelled at for touching somebody else's things or screwing up. She claimed she didn't realize this would be a problem because it hadn't been when she was at Jerry's but then she figured that could be because she had known him since she was a kid.

What struck me about this was that this motivation didn't stop her from using the things she needed. She used our bathroom, washer and dryer and the fridge as well as Dave's tools to work on her vehicles and our hoses to put water in her car.. The only things she didn't use were the ones needed to do the promised work and she certainly could have been directing Darryl to do the work. They didn't pick up after themselves either and that didn't require our tools just a little elbow grease but I guess Amanda didn't think of those things when she used this flimsy excuse on me.

She made no excuses for the lack of communication that occurred when we were not informed Darryl wouldn't be around to feed, water or clean stalls. Nor were there about Amanda not providing horses with turnout. Those complaints amd requests for communication were ignored.

And one more thing, Amanda claimed she had called her therapist to schedule an appointment so she could deal with these issues. She also claimed her therapist was surprised to hear that Amanda needed help because she had been so confident before. I must admit I think this was nothing but a ploy to get her off the hook with me. As long as Amanda claimed "I can't" nothing is exactly what would happen......and nothing is exactly what did.

To be continued.......

Getting to Enough.......