Part 1 of the Black Years
Part One of Amanda's Wright's Story
I must admit I didn't really get that Erin had deliberately taken advantage of my situation until a long time after she left. Even when I saw that room, I didn't get it. I thought she was one really mixed up kid.....and the condition of that room really made me angry but it took a while for the implications to really sink in so I would finally begin to question my perceptions about Erin's heart.
She lived with me for two months and witnessed firsthand the condition of my health, my pain and how it affected my life and still she trashed that room because she was mad at me for sending her away. I thought that made her behavior particularly cruel. I had seen the door open often enough to know the room was messy but it wasn't destroyed. She easily could have put that room in order before she left but instead she was vindictive creating the biggest mess she could in the time she had. I think it's entirely possible had she not needed our help to get to the airport that she would have caused much more harm but that thought didn't occur to me for many months. At the time, however, I was struck for the first time that she did not care for me the way she had claimed.
To be honest, I found it difficult to understand how she could be mad at me for sending her home when it was in her best interests to leave. She was miserable almost the entire time and it wasn't going to get any better since she was pinging off of me like crazy. She claimed she had come because she needed horse time but in actuality there was very little of that happening. Being angry under these kind of circumstances just didn't make sense to me.
Then I guess I am trying to make some sense of her thinking when we clearly have ethics and values as different as Venus and Mars. The realization of that is what opened the door to getting what Erin had been about all along.
The similarities between her behavior and the others the real key to her motives. Her reaction definitely more in line with that of the others and her behavior made sense based on the parameters of their logic. Erin claims she is different but that is not what her behavior says. As time has gone on I have come to realize just how much alike all three of these young women are.
What is peculiar about this to me is how much they disliked each other. Erin's vandalism of Jessica's make-up was only part of her expressions of contempt towards Jessica. Amanda was equally outspoken on that subject. Then while Erin was here, she meet Amanda. It was obvious each felt threatened by the other. Both denied those feelings but their body language betrayed them. It struck me as curious at the time so I tried to reassure each because I saw no reason they should be worried about the other.
Maybe I should have given more consideration to this behavior since it makes sense in hindsight. They say no one recognizes a con faster than another con artist. The animosity between them since both were trying to exploit me. Neither wanted the other horning in on her territory.
The contempt each showed towards those before them is about deflecting attention away from themselves by making it appear that they found such behavior reprehensible when in fact each was playing the same game. This was also a way to get me to talk about what happened so they could identify what works to hook me and reel me in. I thought they were empathizing with me when instead I was giving them a play by play report with all my buttons.
This is not the first time I have seen the use of contempt towards a predecessor. Richard Galarza used the same trick to gather information from me on how Heather Davis managed to get Storm. I realized after the fact that I had supplied Richard with very exact information on how to get Storm when I sued both Angie Miller and him but I had not realized he had tricked me into giving that information up by feigning contempt for Heather and her mother until now. It is one more piece of information about how this all worked that caught me.
The farther away I got from Erin's stay, the more the implications of her behavior became clear. Of course it was only a piece here and one there but it started off with the trashing of that room. People can be messed up and not be cruel and inconsiderate. I needed to reconcile who she claimed to be with how she actually behaved. There was a wide margin between the two. A little might be understandable but this gap was pretty wide. Even looking back I find it difficult to recall if Erin said or did even one act that might be considered an act of kindness or gratefulness and I cannot. Not wanting to be unfair I asked Dave if he could recall anything and he confirmed my observation.....which I can tell you does not happen often.
When Erin left here she told me she didn't want to have any contact with me because of what I did to her. I remembering thinking at that time how ludicrous this sounded and that this mirrored her blaming the breeders in Minnesota for her decision to stay away from horses for an entire year. Maybe I thought about them because she was now saying she would never be around anyone else's horses again so horses couldn't be taken away from her anymore. I remember challenging her belief she was being victimized when she was doing this to herself and thinking she was trying to make me feel guilty.
The combination of these things were enough for me to decide I didn't want to be exposed to anymore of her games so I was not the least bit bothered when she angrily declared she didn't want to hear from me. I had no intentions of dishonoring her request because I wanted no contact with her either. I thought if I expressed that, Erin would have seen it as an opening to dump on me so I said nothing hoping I had heard the last of Erin. I stayed in my room most of the night to assure that happened.
Her resolve to not "talk" to me lasted a little over 12 hours when she sent me an email or Text saying she had cooled off so I could contact her. It was then that I replied letting her know she might not be angry anymore but I was furious at the way she had behaved so I never wanted To hear from her again unless she took full responsibility for all of her bad behavior.
I knew at the time I would never see that day when Erin was accountable but I really didn't expect her to ignore my request for her to keep her distance from me. Each time she contacted me against my wishes, I began to get a clearer picture of how selfish and self-centered Erin really is and how she had no regard at all for me or my health. That contradiction to what she told me upfront so she would be welcomed here and how she behaved once she got here, and everything since, fueled the changes to my view. I know Erin thought there was no harm in those emails but to me it felt like I was down on the ground being poked at over and over with a stick. Her intrusions as vile as her time here since they repeatedly showed her total disregard for my needs. I am sick and tired of Erin's selfishness and the rose colored glasses are gone. I see Erin for who she truly is.....not the fragile, helpless victim she portrays.....and I pray for those whose path she has crossed. It is an awful trip. I'm glad its over for me.
To be continued.......