I must admit as I wrap up on Erin's time at my farm that the writing has had a bigger impact than I expected. I thought by this point I really understood what happened yet each day as the words come, with them, are new realizations. Up front I saw a lot of differences, now similarities emerge that were so unexpected. Writing has definitely affected my understanding of these individuals. Hopefully with that will come an ability to protect myself from anything like this in the future. I'm pretty sure I've learned enough to write a book on this subject but I still have lots of questions.
I may not understand everything I want to about how this all happened but the writing has been very productive, freeing me of the burden I have carried since these events went down. Exposing this darkness to the light has brought a refreshing breath of air into the forefront pushing this ugliness to the past where it belongs. It is a welcome and much needed relief.
When Erin left, I had enough physical pain to contend with, I needed to put this psychological torment to rest as soon as possible. Just as I couldn't get Jessica's things out of my house fastest enough, I was driven to rid myself of any reminders of Erin's stay and the fact I had given myself and my family over to the whims of another selfish, young woman for a promise never kept. The idea of reclaiming my home seemed like the way to get that done so I intended to put that room in order as soon as possible after Erin's departure.
I guess I should have realized when I found her bedroom door closed that morning that she had something to hide since she rarely bothered to close that door behind her. Nothing with Erin had been honest or direct, everything an illusion hiding the true Erin. Looking back I think hidden behind the closed door, the only accurate portrayal of what Erin Johnson had really been about all along.
I opened that door to find the same kind of chaos that Jessica had left behind. The only thing missing were the volumes of fruit flies, the mounds of her dirty clothes and the drug records. The room was thoroughly trashed. There were dirty dishes and used towels everywhere and garbage that was so deep I couldn't see the floor.
I filled 5 large, trash bags with the junk from that room. If I had any doubt about who ate my protein bars, I didn't now as I picked the wrappers up off the floor, from under the bed and crammed down crevices, any place that trash could be stuffed that was inappropriate was used. Discarded with the wrappers was an assortment of other packaging, empty cans and bottles and leftover food....even torn clothes.
The bed was torn apart and the blankets and comforter wadded up in a huge ball. When I got this mess untangled, I discovered the sheets and a couple of towels were ruined with some type of dried on paint that also ruined some plates Erin evidently decided would serve as palates for blending colors of that paint. There were other items of mine that had been damaged by equally inappropriate use.
Of these things, the only items she had bothered to ask if she could borrow must have been those she hadn't managed to find on her own. It was clear from the hoard of my things in her room that she had no boundaries and no regard for damaging things that didn't belong to her. Erin had definitely been inventive in determining uses for objects they obviously were not designed for but what this was about I can only guess from the pile of damaged goods left in her wake.
The assortment made it evident she went through the things stored in the closet and most everywhere else in the house looking for whatever drew her fancy. She actually destroyed some just for the sake of destruction, maybe thinking the items from the closet belonged to Jessica, or who knows maybe she didn't care whose things she trashed.
Complaining when she arrive she had few clothes because of baggage restrictions, I told her she could have clothing of Jessica's if there was anything suitable but that had not been a license to destroy anything nor had she been given permission to search through those closets anymore than she had been given permission to search through any of my other things or destroy things that weren't hers. The state of this room showed her issues with boundaries were far worse than I'd imagined. The wanton destruction of my property something I have never seen before.
One item she destroyed was a large tray of make-up. There were many, maybe fifty, colors of eye shadows, each in its own little round container but Erin had gone through them all and traced things like "f*ck" "you" and other such vulgarities making sure that each compartment was defiled with a remembrance of her vile intrusion on our lives.
It took me two days, and that was with Dave's help, to clean up the mess left behind by Erin. He did the heavy things like moving the furniture to get at the garbage thrown underneath and behind. Dave also did the vacuuming, carpet cleaning and anything else of the lifting it took to clean up the filth left behind. I sorted through everything to assure nothing of ours was mistakenly tossed with all the trash and then bagged it up for Dave to haul off.
Since I had just recently thoroughly cleaned this room to make it habitable after the debacle with Jessica and Jimmy, it was hard to understand how one person there for a third of the time could have created such a comparable amount of filth. It still boggles my mind. The only reason there wasn't the infestation caused by Jessica and Jimmy was because Erin wasn't here as long. Had she been I have no doubt, with the level of filth left behind by Erin, the same results or maybe even worse would have been the result. I had to disinfect that room, its furniture and repack everything stored in the closet before I could finally close the door to that room.
As a person who has always tried to assure that I show appreciation to anyone generous enough to have me as a guest, it is hard to understand the thinking it must take to be so completely disrespectful of another person's property, let alone their hospitality. Even when I stayed in the trainers' apartment at Feature Farm caring for the horses while the trainers were gone to horse shows, I always cleaned the apartment thoroughly before I left. I wasn't being paid for the work I did there and I was always exhausted from working shorthanded for the whole time but I made sure that apartment was in better shape when I left than it had been when I arrived.
I was not being paid for the work but I never saw that as some kind of permission to disrespect them or their property but it is certainly a common thread in all of these stories. These women claimed to respect me but they clearly didn't. The way they took care of my home and my property the true measure of the contempt they held.
Then when you add in the state of my health, I believe it paints a pretty clear picture of what kind of people these women really are. Erin can tell herself all she wants than she is better than Jessica or Amanda, the truth is she is no better than either one of them. These three women were different in the approach each used to get their feet in the door but underneath it all, each wanted the same thing.....to get something for nothing.
To be continued......
Confessions and Lessons Learned.........