Thursday, June 6, 2013

A Return to the Journey of 2011.....More Baggage

 


  Part 1


This whole thing was complicated by another harsh reality. My oldest daughter, Colleen, and her children including my granddaughter, Rachel, had made no attempts to see me or contact me in any manner since they had learned of my illness. Even when they were told I was in critical condition there had been no concern or interest in my well being.

It is one thing to have differences of opinion. Their betrayal in joining Richard Galarza and Angie Miller of Opus Arabians as partners in trying to defraud me by keeping Storm without paying for him had been difficult.  Neither Colleen or Rachel or her siblings had spoken to me since I'd discovered their subterfuge but I guess I still held out hope there would be a reconciliation at some point. But when laying there for days not knowing if I would live  or die did not generate some sign of caring, it was finally obvious to me that they are not interested in having a relationship with me.

Now a while back when their betrayal actually happened an anonymous commentor suggested if they had indeed behaved as I said, I must have deserved it. The claim was they must have learned that behavior from me. I was also accused of always. blaming others and taking no responsibility for my behavior.

I knew at the time this person sure hadn't read much of my blogs nor did she know me because her assessment sure didn't fit how I have chosen to live my life. The thing that concerned me was this person was putting her trust in people who not only don't deserve it, but who will exploit it should the opportunity arise.

That bothered me then and it bothers me now mostly  because of that guilt by association thinking.  Integrity is everything in the horse industry. I have worked hard for mine and to have it affected by something I have no control over felt like one more thing stacked against me in times that appeared to be growing exponentially worse as the days ticked by.  I don't seem to be able to think about this loss without considering the effect their betrayal has had on the perceptions of some of my integrity.

So as I faced this situation where most people would be able to depend on family, I found myself dealing with a broken heart and a dis ease about my place in the industry. It was one more thing heaped on my shoulders and it gnawed at my soul. As much as this may not appear logical to some, feelings are not necessarily logical....and these were mine....the whole convoluted mess as I left the hospital and returned home.

Medical professionals will tell you that healing is compromised by stress and heartache. As hard as I tried I could not get the worry for my horses or the heartache out of my mind.

To be continued......

My Situation at Home..

11 comments:

  1. I find it unbelievable and cruel that your own daughter and grandchild didn't come to see you. No matter what differences you've had in the past family should be able to be depended on in times of crisis. I can understand a mother's heartbreak with this kind of treatment. Shame on them.

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    1. I agree with you. Had the roles been reversed, I would have been there for them but it is what it is.

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  2. I do not know you but I can tell you are a very caring lady. I have read your blog for a few years and feel I do know you in a way. I have a sister in law that refuses to speak to us and when my husband had lung cancer this person did not even call or care if he lived or died. Just move forward and know that a lot of people care and wish you well.

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    1. Because this is my child, it's been a hard thing to move on from but I am working at it. I have had to be truthful with myself about who my daughter has been all of her life which is not easy. No one wants to believe a child of theirs is anything short of wonderful but unfortunately there are parents who must admit that just isn't true in some cases. No matter how hard we try to see they turn out ok, the choice is the child's.My daughter and granddaughter are who they choose to be and there will be more to this story.

      I'm sorry you have had the experience of this kind of betrayal. It is not something I would wish on anyone, not even those who perpetuate it on others.

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  3. the betrayal of family must be such a blow, I am blessed to not know that feeling personally but I know the feeling in my gut when you talked about it says a lot.However much we say it is their loss, I am sure it was one you felt more than we could know

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    1. I am glad you don't know what this is like but it is easy to see from your long standing commitment to your family that you probably wouldn't.

      Unfortunately I think families that harbor secrets of abuse like the one I grew up in have a legacy of such things. Even though I took all my children to therapy and tried to see that there was healing from any short comings in their young lives, mine was not the only influence there. My daughter very much reflects the values of her father (who I divorced when she was an infant). than she does any of those I tried to teach.

      When I see commercials or ads about stopping the cycle of abuse, I wonder if they really understand that just reporting such things is not enough to stop those cycles. At this point I am not even sure what it does take, only that I tried everything the professionals recommended but my grandchildren have not been protected nor spared from some pretty scary things because my daughter is more comfortable playing the victim and blaming others and chooses that lifestyle over one of personal power and responsibility. Still, I wish it wasn't so....

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  4. What Grey Horse Matters said. I agree 100%. I'm sorry a thousand times over for your heartache. :(

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    1. Thanks for that. The support is appreciated.

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  5. It is so, so hard to deal with family betrayals. I can't imagine how this must make you feel. For what it's worth, you did your best by them, even to the point of sharing your lovely horses with them. It's hard to move on from such cold, calculating betrayals, from the last people you'd expect, but you don't need such toxic people in your life.

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    1. Thank you, I do know I did everything humanly possible to have things turn out differently. You're so right about toxic people. After this, it is clear my earlier concerns about my daughter were in fact well founded. While it would have been less painful to keep her at arms length once she left home, I had to try for the sake of my grandchildren and that is why I shared my horses with them. Despite the way it turned out, I would not change what I did but I will not allow them to hurt me anymore either. I can finally see the reality of this situation so there is not point of setting myself up for more grief.

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  6. There are toxic members of my family as well (very accurate way to describe them, Snipe) and I know how both their presence and lack of presence can effect you, even when you aren't sick! Some days I feel that the world is being overrun by these types of attitudes. It's a sad state.

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