The Fork in the Road........... The Worm Turns....

Part One

By this point it didn't take a rocket scientist to figure out where this was headed but I wanted it to be perfectly clear what BG meant. I wanted him to admit he was keeping my horse and not doing anymore work for me AND more importantly that we HAD a contract.

Now I was thinking of those things I would need if BG really did try to get out of paying for Storm. I very carefully worded my emails to extract all the information from BG that I could get. I was after anything in writing that might help me prove that he was breaching our contract and anything that would reflect the true intent of this man.

I still responded to this email as I had the others. I went point by point down through his response addressing him with my honest thoughts and feelings about them as well as making sure I included specific references to what had already happened on FB and anything else I could think needed to be substantiated by him to work in my favor.I was careful not to go places he hadn't yet travelled not wanting to expose my hand. I figured if I played my cards right, I would be able to use my emails in court if it came to that.

Once I was finished with thie email I sent it off to BG. He responded once again in email. This time when he came back to me he had altered his methodology of responding. Instead of writing his information in the top portion of the email for the response, he added his "answers" to the lower part that was my email. At the end of an item he was addressing he added his answer in bold.

This following section is that second email with the two intermixed emails so you are seeing my email right along with his response. I suppose that will make it easier for you to follow as well. The only thing I have altered is those same changes from names to my chosen acronyms and, of course, the use of italics for my portion. I did not continue the italics in his portion because I thought it was too confusing. His response show up more distintively being in bold without the use of italics.

I compose in Notebook. When I did the cut and paste from the email it dropped the bold connotations. I have hand added them in so I hope I didn't miss any. If you think something is odd that looks like it was me, ask and I missed putting something in bold. After a while my eyes gave out working on this so it is possible I missed something. Here goes:


So let me get this straight. You are telling me that you are no longer working my horses and that I am no longer welcome at your arena to work them either. Is that correct? We need to resolve these issues first

If that is the case it sounds to me like you are accusing me of taking my toys and going home. Somehow that just does not make sense to me when you are the one making the decision to no longer work with me. Reference was more about taking me off facebook

There are underlying issues here, that were clear from WF's comments as well as the others. A public forum was not the place to be discussing them. It would not have been good for either one of us. You seem to disagree and yet you talk about all the people watching to see how this comes out. While you might think there was no harm happening with those comments, that's not how I see it. Why can't we agree to disagree and continue?

You should know me well enough by now to know that I prefer to work differences out in private. I have never spoken to you about issues between us in front of other people. I am not comfortable with confrontation as it is. I find public displays of it directed at me to be humiliating. With feelings of humiliation for me come some baggage that is more than I believe you would inflict upon me. I protected myself from that by deleting the comments as well as terminating their source. Which this might have not been the best reaction. terminating this makes all concerned, looking bad.

You may think that I "should" be able to tolerate such things. Is that any different than me thinking that you "should" be able to read what I wrote as I intended it? Isn't what is important here how we resolve these issues.......and not where we do it?

I had no intentions of avoiding the issues, I just didn't want to do it in a public forum. Maybe it should have been stated to take it off line. I knew when I deleted "your barn" off my friends list it would stop the public discussion on the page that is supposed to be about the horses. I also knew that I could reinstate the friends status once we worked things out. It was never my intent to be permanent with the deletion. But it felt that way. I was very taken back by this. Considering my feelings about such public confrontation, that should be understandable. Evidently it is not and you are terminating our relationship. Yet we are supposed to be friends. I could say the same thing...we are supposed to be friends.

This is all very confusing to me. I am not responsible for your feelings, I am responsible for mine. I cannot control how you or WF reacted to what I wrote. I can only control what I did. I meant no harm. I think no one really mint harm it was just taken very wrong. WF was defending me and all the work I had done. She had seen me work long hours, on 12 different horses, hauling your horses for you when you couldn't , bred your horses for you when you were out of town, help you at the shows and even go to a show we were not even attending for you, keeping one of the horses boarded here for 5 mos. or more (and was to be taken off the balance of Storm.) ...and also get hurt. She was just reacting. WF is not very knowledgeable on face book and didn't know how to read past postings so this might have come out wrong.

I am a very competent writer. If I meant to criticize the amount of time you have spent working my horses these past months, believe me it would have been stated clearly and consisely. There would have been no doubt in any reader's mind that I was being critical. You must admit I have a knack for making things very clear so that people understand.

Being critical was not what the post was about. It was about updating people on the status on the horses. I wanted them to know the horses have not been worked. I spent paragraphs detailing what I was doing that prevented me from working them and yet somehow that isn't even considered. My intent seems to be limited to one small paragraph stating you hadn't worked them either and I found myself criticized for what, criticisizing you and taking advantage of you?? Did it ever occur to anyone that I might be protecting you? I can now see your point. If people assumed you had the horses in training all of that time and they had not progressed, they might assume that you are a lousy trainer. I sure didn't want that to happen. It was important to cover all the bases so that people didn't assume anything. Yet, my intent was assumed to be about complaining. What really is at the bottom of this defensiveness? I think I deserve to know. Part of the problem might also lay in your other blog. (My clouds my storms)

"Donna, I have to laugh just a bit about the comment about women. My "source" is a man but there is a woman behind him that's for sure. I'm beginning to think the things I have been told may not be the truth or have been elaborate to such an extent the truth is barely visible.......... a little stirring of the pot. " So maybe you can address this for me.


You seem to think that what I have done is totally about me. That I am not interested nor do I care about you. Well, nothing could be farther from the truth. I have said repeatedly I believe what was developing in the comments was not good for either one of us. You seem to disagree. Yet there were other issues influencing those comments you know nothing about. WF's comments were feeding into them and there would most definitely have been harm to my reputation and to that of my horses. I believe there would have been harm to you and WF as well. Those people who understand where I am coming from wouldn't have seen you in a good light either. Both sides of the coin need to be considered here......and I did that. Have you? I address that above and it should have been taken off line. Or are you so convinced that everyone in the horse world sees me as some kind of kook that I am that the only one that would have suffered from a continued public display? I really don't think that is the issue If that is the case, we have serious problems in our relationship.I think

It is clear from your email that you don't really get me at all. I disagree with this. Some times its really hard to know YOU , you have to admit that sometimes I'm dealing with different people. For me NONE of this is about me (except my feelings about being confronted in public, I will certainly own that), it is ALL about the horses. I am dedicated to the Arabian horse. Pretty much everything I do is based on that dedication. I do agree to this, you are committed to the Arabian bred, you do live and breath it.

If this were about me, I would never leave the property. I am not comfortable out in the world. I prefer my privacy. I literally hate being in crowds. I would be content to stay at home with my horses for the rest of my life and be a recluse. I don't say this to be amusing, it is the God's truth.

However, I have been entrusted with great horses like Legs, Reflection and Rhet and some equally great mares. I see that as an obligation. It's important to the breed that such horses are able to influence future generations with their genetic code.

In the wild it would happen because they are great horses and they would dominate. With the horses being raised in captivity it is up to the owners to see that it gets done. In these horses case, that leaves it up to me.

It is not about me being known as a breeder of great horses for my names sake. I would be happier if no one knew I existed. It is about the preservation of the breed. It is about making sure that these horses get the opportunity to make their contribution to the breed.

That can only be accomplished by me being successful with them in the show ring. For some reason this community is not willing to give a great horse its credit without that nor are they willing to participate in utilizing these horses of mine in their breeding programs. That means this herd of mine is closed. It offers no input to the genetics of future generations.

I force myself out of bed each morning to get the job done. I spend hours working on the stupid blog and the networking it takes to get the job done. I made a dangerous trip across the country by myself when I was absolutely terrified of doing it at all, let alone doing it by myself because of my dedication to this breed.

I don't care what people say about me because of how it affects me but because of how it affects the success of my horses. I care what they say about my horses because obviously that affects whether these horses will get the opportunity to contribute to the gene pool or not. I believe that this breed needs to be protected so that future generations can experience the same healing effects of their companionship that I have known. That will not happen without maintaining the integrity of the gene pool.

I also believe that integrity will not happen unless small breeders like me make sure their horses influence the future generations as well as those popular horses that are backed by big money. Many of those horses breed because of their ribbons despite major defects in their conformation and difficult dispositions. And they breed large numbers of mares. Their daughers are everywhere. That means they will have a huge impact on the genetics of the breed. The genetics available in the gene pool are in jeopardy of being limited to a very few bloodlines.

It's important that the great horses of small breeders get the opportunity to have their influence as well so their genetic code remains in the gene pool. With the Arabian horse having the most closed of all gene pools in the equine, it is more susceptible to genetic anomolies than any other breed. In order to assure the intergrity of that gene pool it is imperative that the small breeders have their influence. Without it, the outcome could be catastrophic.

I realize that genetics are probably not your thing. I only go through this so maybe you can see what I really am about. As I said before, it is not about me. It is about the Arabian horse. An Arabian horse saved my life when I was a small child. Arabian horses keep me alive today. I will be forever in their debt and I will do whatever I can to be sure I repay that debt.

Whether or not you are a part of that, is up to you. The ball is in your court. While I will never promise you that I will be able to tolerate public confrontation because I know I cannot, I will promise you that I will do my very best to act with honesty and integrity. I have and will continue to do what I believe is in the best interest of our relationship. I believe that what hurts me hurts you and vice versa. I will always try to act accordingly.

If it makes this being about me because I cannot tolerate the attacks that were levelled at me, then I guess we are at an impass. If you think I was not attacked, then you don't know PF. However, I do and I know her agenda. It is not a paranoid reaction to some perceived threat. I experienced her agenda first hand at Region 5. She would like nothing better than to see me go down in flames. I doubt she cares others might go with me.

You tell me all the time that you cannot change who you are. Now I will tell you I cannot change that aspect of my personality that makes public confrontation humiliating for me without extensive and painful therapy. I am unwilling to do that. I have suffered more in my lifetime than anyone person should have to, I will not reopen those old wounds. Either you accept that as one of my character flaws or you don't. That's up to you. Agreed we both need to accept each other for who we are.

You probably think if I can't deal with public confrontation then I shouldn't post a blog. My blog is not about me either. It is yet another part of my devotion to the Arabian horse. I started that blog for the purpose of introducing people to the Arabian horse as I see it hoping to dispel some of the myths and misconceptions about the breed as well as to introduce people to my horses personally. Why that is important I have already covered above.

I understand that you aren't interested in the "what" that makes me the way I am. I will respect that. Unfortunately along with that "what" lays the key to who I am as an individual. It might be easier for you to understand why I do what I do, if you understood from where I come.

I have the benefit of knowing from where you come. You have shared a lot of history with me........both childhood history and adult history. While you have not openly shared your feelings about those things, I can imagine what it must have been like for you. I see the effects your history has on who you are. That helps me to understand things in your behavior that might otherwise be difficult for me.

I wish that you had the benefit of same. Again, I understand you have chosen not to know those things and I respect that although I suspect it affects who you perceive me to be.For me that is what relationships are about. Understanding peoples differences and accepting them for who they are instead of expecting them to live up to my standards.

I would appreciate it if you would answer these questions. You have been good at skirting around any questions I ever ask you in texts or emails. But I think I deserve to have answers. I believe that answering those questions and maybe you asking questions of your own instead of assuming is the key to resolving this conflict. I hope I have addressed some of them at least.

Then there is the thing about our contract? It is clear that the contract has become muddied in its interpretation. Not having it down on paper was a big mistake for both of us. Had if been in writing as we'd planned, there would not be confusion now. I agree with this. What I don't understand is back when my mom was sick and in the hospital and I thought I was leaving we talked. You said we were good on Storm, you said that the first year of him showing you would like the Sweepstakes and WF and I agreed with this. So it was our understanding at that point we were good, and that we agreed on the obligation / terms we were even. I have continued to work the horses due to me enjoying them.

You have an obligation to me to work horses to pay for Storm. Address above I have kept my part of the bargain. The horse is in your possession. I have my puppy but nowhere near the amount of training I was supposed to receive. I think you have received eigther all of or close too. I can go back on the records. But didnt feel a need to due to your statement when my mom was sick. I have trusted you to make good on your commitment to me and I expect nothing less.I feel I have. When you count into the training of the 12 horses I worked with, lessons either with you or with others on your behalf, breeding your horses for you , show fees ( helping you at the shows) boarding of the horse for 5 mos. hauling your horses including gas and time it took. I have no idea where you stand on this issue. I would like to know that as well. I think I have address this above.

I suppose me asking about this turns it into being about me in your eyes. Again I will say you honoring your commitment affects the success of these horses. While I might manage without you, things would certainly be easier with you. Also, if we had not made this bargain the odds are I would have been able to sell the horse for money that would in turn have furthered my goals for these horses.

I don't know how much longer I will be able to continue trying to hang on hoping something will happen. I know I am tired and quitting seems inviting but I would never be able to live with myself if I gave up before I accomplished my goals. I hope that you will continue to be a part of the plan to do that.

I believe all of these issues can be resolved if you chose to do so. If you do not, as you say that is your choice. I would hope that the time we have each put into this relationship would warrant the effort. If not, it speaks volumes to you true feelings about our relationship. I feel we need a break and we then need to resolve this and see which direction this will go.

Incase you don't remember which ones I worked with here's this list. Some of them I might have only worked with a few times and some a lot.

Legs
Dandy
Percy
Louise
Tag
Love
Rhett
Scarlett
Dancer
Gypsy
Hope
Lucy




Looking back it does not surprise me how emotional I got in this email. This thing with Storm has always been a big deal to me. I really never wanted to sell the horse in the first place but I needed to for my business. It was important to me this sacrifice pay off.

What does surprise me is how blind I was. Even at this time I was still giving BG credit for being a trainer and a friend (that is until I got this email response and saw proof of his real intent.) Had he stepped up, I probably would have gone along believing he was sincere. I also see where I exposed myself emotionally as I had certainly done before. I gave him more information on where I was vulnerable and I pretty much told him how he could push my buttons. Being the "gentleman" he is he stepped right in and took a stab at me.

The ball was in my court and for the first time I could see the real person. If you've been following along and keeping track of the details as they unfolded you will see the glaring things in BG's response that told me what BG's game plan was and kept me focused on what I now knew I needed to do.


To be continued................

Heading in the Right Direction

(Just a little note about this vulnerability, the current troll who there is evidence to suppest reports back to BG with what's going on here, attacked me on the other blog last week. There were references that made me suspect the alliance and a familiarity in the attack so I did a little investigating, hence, my evidence. While I have not posted that troll's comment yet, I am going to do so in my own time. When I do I will address it's content. In the meantime I would like this person to know if you think attacking me will make me stop posting, you are wrong. It only makes me more determined. Whether you like it or not, I speak the truth and time will show that.

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