Monday, September 30, 2013

An Unexpected Encounter at Daffodil.....

 Part 1 of the Black Years

 Part One of Amanda's Wright's Story

"He who controls others may be powerful but he who has mastered himself is mightier still." ~ Lao Tzu

I was so unsteady even with Amanda and Sheryl supporting me, that I had my eyes glued to the ground watching the placement of each foot. I didn't dare fall and for some reason watching the inching movements of my feet gave me a sense of security even if it didn't improve my unsteadiness. Because of this I had no idea exactly where we were.  I just moved along where ever Sheryl guided me.

Outside the barns Amanda asked me which barn aisle I wanted to go down suggesting I probably wanted to avoid Opus Arabians. Considering the only thing I was seeing was my feet, I didn't think it really mattered which route we chose. I was just trying to get to the car.  I had already run into Angie and Crystal and my granddaughter had walked right by me like I didn't exist In the arena stands. What more could happen?

To assure I kept moving (standing still increases my pain abruptly and severely), I chose the aisle right in front of us. I saw no point in trying to figure out who might be stabled where. I just wanted to get to the car before I collapsed and I'm pretty sure Sheryl was worried about that too.

Three quarters of the way down, Amanda pointed out my granddaughter,  Rachel Walker. I looked up just in time to make eye contact with her as she changed directions and exited the barn abandoning the horse she was walking with to someone I didn't recognize all so she wouldn't have to encounter me. It was obvious from her furtive movements and her glances our direction that she was fleeing to avoid an encounter with me.

I have posted some of the issues with Rachel but not all of them.  I have been criticized for doing so but I believe the truth is an important consequence for bad behavior. It provides much needed motivation for making better choices and the opportunity for healthy growth.
Drunks, druggies, thieves, liars, stuck victims, spoiled children, you name it, never get better when their families and loved ones enable their bad behavior and fix things for them. Even though sometimes it would be easier on me to be an enabler, I have chosen to do right by my family. If their behavior is inappropriate and they refuse to take responsibility, I hold them accountable in whatever way I can.

I had hoped when I got Rachel involved with my horses that would help her find her way out of the dysfunction she was raised in and I have tried to be a good example so that she could see another way to live but Rachel has chosen to surround herself with people who lie, cheat, and steal even though they play games, belittle her and call her names. It's hard to understand why she would prefer such abuse instead of choosing a better life based on claiming her personal power by taking responsibility for herself and her choices and surrounding herself with those who truly love her and would do anything to help her find the right path.

Because of her decision to stay stuck, every time I see Rachel my heart aches for her. She is a smart, beautiful and talented young woman with so much potential but she is traveling the same self-destructive path her mother chose. I know I cannot help her when she doesn't want help but I still will not enable her bad behavior. As long as her choices have an impact on me, my family or my horses, I will talk about it because doing so is an appropriate consequence. Anyone who doesn't understand that might examine their personal values to see if they are designed to keep them stuck or help them achieve personal growth because my guess it they are the former and include a lot of unhealthy behavior that enables those who exploit.

Unfortunately my granddaughter is much like Jessica and the other young women who took advantage here. Rachel didn't just mistreat Dandy and take poor care of the other horses in her care (for which some of those horses have paid a high price) and join forces with her mother to defraud me of Storm with Angie Miller and Richard Galarza. She stole from me too, expensive jewelry one piece of which I actually caught her wearing at a horse show before we went our seperate ways.  I just didn't want to believe on top of everything else that my granddaughter would steal from me too....but she did.

These sightings of her at the Daffodil show were the first time I had seen Rachel since I discovered the truth about her stealing from her grandfather and from me. Even so I want so much better for her than she will ever have on her current road because sooner or later these kinds of choices will catch up to her. My heart bleeds for her.....and for our family too. I wanted so much better for our relationship. I hoped we could be close in a way her mother never allowed and that she would judge me on my own merit instead of the twisted view her mother inflicted on her and her brothers.  It is hard to imagine loving someone so much and having it not be enough.......let alone being so sick and still being discarded like this. I will never understand it but this experience in the barn aisle made it perfectly clear where I stand with my granddaughter.

I also must wonder what Amanda had to gain by assuring I actually noticed Rachel was there. How much she saw of Rachel's reaction to me coming down that aisleway before she pointed out Rachel's presence I will never know for sure but considering how calculating much of her behavior has been, I can only assume she recognized the value to her cause of reopening my wounds with my granddaughter. There's nothing more valuable in convincing someone they need your help than reminding them they don't have family to fall back on and I certainly got a vivid reminder of that here.

Other than such an ulterior motive, I can think of no useful purpose for assuring I noticed Rachel's presence there. The way I was moving we could have easily gone right by her without me noticing such a hurtful rejection but Amanda made sure that didn't happen. I took this blow straight on to my heart. All the joy of coming to the horse show sucked away with this gigantic blow and I wasn't even out of the barn area yet. Fate was not done with me either.

To be continued......

A Second Encounter at the Horse Show.....


  1. It's a shame how your granddaughter treated you. Maybe someday she will mature and learn what's really important in life. Right now she is still young and under the influence of some sketchy people. That's no excuse though, she is old enough to know better by now. That is heartbreaking.

  2. i maes me sad to read hw cold and calculaing so man have been to you , just want to send you a big hug