Saturday, May 18, 2013

A Return to the Journey of 2011...Troublesome Perceptions





 Part 1
Of course my enthusiasm about the impending shower was definitely naïve. It had been so long since I'd experienced the luxury it was all I thought about. Had I considered the fact I had little enough strength to walk unattended, nor had I seen a shower within the scope of any of those walks,  let alone I was expected to repeat the event three times a day for fifteen minutes each,  I probably would have been not quite so enthusiastic.  Surely I  would have made some different choices when asked by the nurse about my preferences along the way.

I have always been unwilling to admit weakness. Even as a child I was trying to prove my strength and ability and that has never ceased. I guess that explains me starting my own horses even in my sixties among other things.

Now despite my weakened body I was unwilling to admit that anything had changed. Even noticing the muscle wasting had only a superficial effect on my expectations of myself.  I refused to think I was anything but the strong, independent woman I have become over the years, yet in this current reality   I was a frail, geriatric patient. My decisions were based on that false perception and unfortunately none of the nurses questioned those choices.

When asked if I wanted to walk or take a wheelchair, I chose to walk even though I had no clue how far it was. Fortunately I did make it to the shower but not without some assistance from the wall and the attending nurse.  When asked if I wanted a chair for the shower I was able to see the need but only because that question was asked after we reached the bathroom with the shower. My limitations were clearly apparent at this point since my body quaked and my knees threatened to buckle.  As the nurse vacated the room to locate a shower chair, I dove towards the toilet to catch myself lest I fall. 

Luckily the commode was positioned right next to a half wall that formed part of the shower. I was so exhausted from the walk I didn't have the strength to support myself upright, instead I leaned against that wall and rested as I waited for the nurse to return. Luckily it took her several minutes to return so I had a little time to recoop enough so I could even get to my feet again. As I sat there waiting for her return I wondered how I was going to be able to manage this shower when I had barely managed to make it there.

To be continued.........

Vulnerabilities

6 comments:

  1. It's amazing how quickly the muscles can waste away, and how difficult it is to build them back up again. Sounds like you had a rough time of it.

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    1. It was certainly surprising to me how quickly it happened and how far down it knocked me and yet I didn't get how vulnerable I was.

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  2. it makes me parts sad and parts angry that the choices were offered to you that would only deplete your strength,advising you of the distance and at the very least offering the support of a walker would have been better, and also ,sorry but assuming you would need a chair when you arrived would have been far safer that to leave a weakened post surgical patient in a dangerous position with the risk of a fall. Sad how the system has stretched health care worker so far that simple patient care can be so limited

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    1. I know what you mean. This particular nurse was the nurse I was walking with when I had the pulmonary embolism. She was one of the most efficient and caring nurses I had care for me. I have no doubt that what happened here was about being stretched too thin because it sure wasn't because she didn't care.

      The really sad part is right after this hospitalization, the hospital did even more cutbacks and the level of care plummeted.

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  3. Seems they shouldn't have even given you a choice considering your weakened condition but should have assisted you with a wheelchair and a shower chair. You could have fallen and been seriously injured. Hope the shower went okay.

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  4. Common sense would tell me to bring you the chairs. One to get to the shower and the one for when you were in it. Why even risk it? I know we tend to think we are stronger than what we sometimes are, but the nursing staff should have had a better idea of reality there. Glad you were able to stay upright and didn't take a nasty fall.

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