A Return to the Journey of 2011...Vulnerabilities

  Part 1

As I sat there on the commode, my mind wanted to race but I was too exhausted even for thinking. My eyes closed. My focus waned. My normal hyper vigilance in unfamiliar places could not be maintained. I slept.

The opening of the bathroom door startled me awake. Fear coursed adrenaline through my veins as I turned to face who or what had awakened me.

In the doorway stood another nurse as startled at discovering me as I was by her intrusion on my unplanned nap. Apologizing while quickly retreating she was gone in an instant. The door was once again closed leaving me with only enough charge to be concerned about my vulnerability lest the next intrusion be not so benign.

When the door opened I was not startled at all since my eyes had not left its surface since its last closing. This time it was my nurse carrying my shower chair which she quickly placed in the cubicle. Then she proceeded to lay out in convenient order all the supplies she'd previously carried before turning her attention to adjusting the water's temperature for the perfect warmth for me.

With everything ready the nurse assisted me in removing my hospital clothing and then getting me from the toilet to the chair. With the surge of adrenaline from the earlier intrusion I actually had the strength to move from one perch to the other.

Age has certainly relieved me of any comfort I might have had with my body at one time. Yet even in days past I was never comfortable around others naked so I had no intentions of an assist with showering.

It did not take much for to convince this nurse. She easily let me close her out with the curtain but only after being certain I  saw the call button. Standing on the other side of the flimsy barrier she really wanted to stay but I would have no part of that. I wanted privacy.

Only once I agreed I would ring when finished, did the nurse depart.  My privacy from a nurse I actually trusted was more important than the jeopardy of once again being left alone, now naked and all the more vulnerable in a place and circumstance I never would have continued safe under normal circumstances. It may not have been clear to me at the time, but I was definitely making decisions I was no longer qualified to make. If I was not harmed by such it was only because no one who might be trolling for such opportunities happened by my door that day. That would not always be the case.

To be continued.......

Realizations.......