Wednesday, February 23, 2011

The New Journey.......... Revelations.....and an Insult....

Part One

I discovered, quite by accident, that the lease on the palomino mare had not been renewed nor replaced with a purchase agreement. In addition, there were no payments of any kind being made even though MD had led me to believe that was the case. The owner had tried several times to get MD to redo the lease or commit to buying the mare and MD had made promises she had not kept.

I also learned that the second mare that I had been told by MD was there on a lease for GD was really not leased at all. She was in fact supposed to be in the process of being purchased on a contract. Payments were not being made on that mare either. The contract was in arrears and there had been promises made but not kept.

Both of these things put me in an awkward place with the owners of these horses. Not that the women were blaming me for MD's behavior but it was clear that neither would have made a deal with MD in the first place had it not been for me. They thought because they could trust me, they could in turn trust her and that had not turned out to be the case.

Not only was I disappointed with MD's behavior because it does not reflect the values she has been taught by me but I felt bad for my friends. Each was in a difficult place financially and could really use the money that had been promised by MD. Knowing MD was responsible for some difficulty in their lives added to the burden I was already carrying at this time.

Considering each of these women is a member of my usual support system these situations made life for me a little more difficult. Part of my process of sorting through the information and figuring out how it affected my case, included bouncing the facts off those friends I trusted with such information.

That meant these two women were repeatedly hearing the events that had happened in the barn and couldn't help but relate to how things with MD fit in with all this mess. Despite the fact they were trying to keep their impressions of MD to themselves, I could hear the awkwardness in their voices and sometimes see reactions on their faces. They were trying their darnedest to keep their feelings about MD to themselves but it was clear each had lost respect for her and in a pretty big way.

To be honest, I didn't know what to think. I had spent enough time with BG relaying things he'd said MD had said about me, now finding out she had been lying to me too, just fit right in with the rest of the mess I was now faced with. Then despite the fact I didn't know all the details of these women's dealings with MD, I could see their reactions meant they felt pretty wronged by her. These things did not reconcile with my impression of MD. What could this be about? And could I really be that wrong about MD?

The fact she or GD were making little or no attempt to keep in contact with me did not help. If it weren't for Dave picking up one of my grandsons to help him with work here, there would have been no contact at all with her family for months on end.

Sometime during this time, WF contacted Dave again wanting to have another meeting. I don't recall if he told her over the phone or suggested in person that we were still waiting for something real in regards to BG's claims about work he had done. WF commented that "This isn't how it's supposed to work. MiKael's supposed to make a counter offer." Dave just shook his head and said there would be no negotiating until they got real with the figures.

Because I had missed the opportunity to retrieve my horse as had been suggested by the equine lawyer, I was looking for another window that might be possible. Once I decided on it, I let MD know so she would be prepared for what might be coming if I was successful. I still did not want MD and GD put into a difficult situation caused by my actions without at least having some notice.

By this time I had enough questions about MD's motives and intentions, I knew I was taking a risk in telling her of my plan. I decided if that niggling little voice inside me was right, they would know we were coming. If she informed WF and BG of my plan, then at least I would know where things really stood with MD. While that might not have been smart in terms of getting my horse back, I decided I was willing to take the risk to see just exactly where MD stood.

As it turned out, my suspicions were correct. When the attempt was made to pick up the horse, the barn was locked up tight. There was a big chain padlocked closed around the door handles. It would have been possible to cut it with a bolt cutter but that would have been breaking and entering and we were not going to break the law to get the horse back. Whatever we did it was going to be on the up and up.

It was only a week or so after this, that Dave and I received a letter from an attorney on behalf of BG and WF. In that letter we were accused of keeping Storm's papers under fraudulent circumstances and pretty much ordered to produce the signed duplicate registration papers by the 4th of June. We were also warned to refrain from visiting their property or trying to obtain the horse or the authorities would be called.

That didn't leave us much choice. With the letter dated the 24th of May but not received until later in the week and the Memorial Day holiday, we had less than 7 work days to have an answer. I don't think they were prepared for what that answer would be. BG should have listened to Dave's warning all those months before. I shifted into an all new gear to make sure I could meet their deadline. Accusing me of fraud when they were the ones perpetuating fraud, pushed buttons they couldn't have imagined I had. They should have been able to smell the smoke coming out of my ears all the way to their place

To be continued...............

Taking a Stand

Visit Blog Village and vote daily for this blog Here They are now measuring the rankings by votes out, so if you find my blog on the site, please click that link too to improve my rankings. TY


  1. Nooooooo--tell me she didn't!!!! Okay, I guess she did. :( That's probably the saddest part of this story so far. Had she not done that, it all would have been over and saved you a whole lot of heart ache. As it is, sounds like you're gearing up to defend yourself.

  2. Incredible. Absolutely incredible.Hang in there!

  3. Oh, man...I wish she hadn't done that. All along I was hoping she was on your side...

  4. no! are you kidding? oh, my... keep the faith!! as someone else already said, hang in there!

  5. There is nothing more dangerous than locking a stall or a barn. In a fire they could have lost ALL the horses. In some states I *think* this may be illegal.

  6. I am SO not surprised about "MD" pesonally. Arg that really bothers me with just that.

    But THEN for BG and WF to accuse YOU of fraud?? And locking up their barn so tight almost instigating you to break and enter...Im so glad you didnt. I know it would have been DAMN hard for me to not especially after all this build up. Wow.

    Im eager to learn how you stuck it to them.

  7. Okay, it appears the mud pit has been upgraded to quicksand. She has seriously lost her way.

  8. You know, a person can handle a lot when you are dealing with 'outsiders', but when it's your own family, especially your own daughter...The pain runs deep.

    While I don't want to offend you because MD is your daughter and I'm sure you tried to raise her better than this...sounds like she fell right with BG/WF and their bullcrap.

  9. I'm glad you made certain of where MD stood before you went to court.
    I am under the impression you have not been so easy on either MD or GD and they are not only offended and resentful but vengeful. What is sad is that they do not understand that while a loving mother may not make life too easy for her kiddos, she really does have their best interests at heart. I am sad that they do not understand the blessing and opportunity they have in you. Hope they figure it out before they get bit too hard.
    Btw, have you ever directly asked them specifically what they are offended about?

  10. Linda, it does indeed look like she did. How else would they have known? I was definitely getting ready to stand up for myself.

    Breathe, that's what I thought.

    Nikker, me too, on both counts.

    Hopeful, nope, not kidding. It was hard not to get lost in the heartache but I didn't want to drop the ball and loose sight of what was right.

    Dressage Mom, I totally agree with you. I was so appalled that keeping the horse from me was more important than risking his life and the lives of the other horses there but I suppose they could justify it because all of the horses that mattered to them were gone. It was just one more reason for me to know I had to get Storm out of there.

    PHM, I wish I could say that. In a way, I was shocked but not as shocked as I was going to get.

    I guess I hadn't really thought he might be setting me up to break the law by putting that chain on the door. But you're right it makes perfect sense with the way they operate.

    smazourek, I think she has indeed but I doubt that she sees it that way, unfortunately. It's very sad to see her going down such a road when I know sooner or later it will catch up with her.

    BECG, you are right about that. The sting of this is quite deep but then I suspect that is exactly what she wanted it to be. This is not the first time she has attempted to cut me so deeply. Unfortunately I thought those days were gone and I really didn't see this coming which made it all the worse. It has been a difficult road.

    No offense taken. I did raise her to live by a higher set of standards. As much as we want our kids to turn out as we wish, they become who they chose. There is more to this story and it will confirm your observations are correct, I'm afraid.

  11. dinkleberries, yes, I have asked her. MD would tell you, as she told me, she is offended at my reference to her parenting in one of my posts. I actually linked to that post in one of the first posts in this series and will provide a link if you need. If you read it I suspect you will see as I do, that is an excuse for her behavior not the real reason. I suspect the real reason goes back many years ago. That material does not belong on this blog, it is not horse related. It has been posted on the other blog, I believe, over the course of time.

  12. dinkleberries, in rereading your comment I realize I did not address the first portion of it. In doing so I guess it really depends on what you consider to "be hard." The only issues I am aware of between us since GD was born have been posted here. If expecting GD to treat me with respect and to take proper care of my horse and then removing my horse because that was not done is hard, then I guess I am guilty of that. Otherwise, I am pretty much at a loss except for old issues with MD from when she was a teenager. That's a really long time ago with lots of counseling in between for MD and me. And yes, I would say some would see my decisions from back then were hard, but they were as you said based in love and trying to do what I believed was best for her.

  13. I have a lot of catching up to do but it just plain sucks when you have to spill some things to find out which direction everyone is coming from.

    Smelled the smoke? I'm surprised all of us couldn't see the flames. That goes beyond being a bit mad. I think Livid is a better description.

  14. I hope md didn't tell you she would testify for you on court just so you would give her info as to what your next move might be, like picking Storm up.

    As for the situation with the Palomino and your gd, sadly this is exactly what I've been told by experienced people that have been in the business longer than I have; some trainers will get it in your head that only THEY can get the horse to behave so they are guaranteed to get the horse back as a client. Pretty slimy and sad to do that with children. Not only will the child get hurt but most likely kill her desire to ride.

  15. CNJ, yes, livid is a good word. You made me laugh with the flames remark. I was definitely THAT mad.

    horsemom, I don't know what MD's motives were. Fortunately I had other resources than them to corroborate my story. I had figured from the start the more I had to support me, the easier it would be to find the truth through all the lies they were telling.

    It doesn't not surprise me that you have seen trainers using the same tactics. There seem to be lots of trainers out there who want their clients to be dependant upon them instead of teaching them to be independant. Many clients believe they will never be able to ride their horses as well as the trainers do and how could they when they're being told all the time they "can't" It's really destructive to do that and as I said I could see the effect on GD. It makes me sad. The girl has such talent that's never going to be realized like this. I could write a book on this subject alone.

  16. I really don't know what to say to this except your daughter and GD have a different set of standards than you do. I'm sure she was brought up differently but circumstances have changed the way she sees things. I have a hard time defending her actions and at the same time I don't want to offend you by saying anything too bad about her because she is family.

    Hopefully, she will see how much this is hurting you and realize all she has learned from you over the years.

  17. Ohhh, MiKael, my heart goes out to you, I skimmed back to refresh my mind, something is very broken here. I understand your fury over the injured horse, I wonder if her behavior is showing that somehow she is not connecting with the pain the horse is experiencing. Is it too much responsibility for her to follow through on all those details necessary to keep that horse in good riding condition, or is it possible that her ability to feel compassion for the horses pain is compromised somehow?
    I admire your ability to be patient with the horses and continually trying new things to communicate to the horse what you expect until he is able to understand and actually accomplish what it is you expect him to do. I also appreciate that you take responsibility for when the horse has issues. I wonder if you were able to take on that same attitude toward MD and GD if things wouldn't change. I assume you know that Kim is my daughter and while her math teacher told me she is brilliant, (I agree) I could teach her a math concept and she would get it, however literally 5 seconds later it would be completely gone out of her head. Highly maddening and frustrating. However we discovered that if she were to take cod liver oil, she could totally retain information she was given. So she was a pleasure to work with when she took her cod liver oil.
    I know from personal experience that frustration and anger don't get any better results when dealing with kids than with horses no matter how justified. Also, I know that my own mom would never dream of treating other people with the anger, harshness and judgement that she rained down on her own family. Just sharing a perspective I have. . . .

    As MzScarlett said, "That's my two cents. You're welcome to trade them in on something much more valuable!!! :)"

  18. Arlene, you are most definitely right, they do have a different sent of standards than I do. That has become painfully clear.

    I appreciate you trying to be kind but it is what it is. That has been part of my journey this past year, accepting this for what it is. I am not going to make excuses for her behavior nor am I going to take blame for it. She is an adult and responsible for her choices.

    dinkleberries, you're right, there is something very broken here. I am pretty sure what it is does not really have to do with me.

    I can appreciate you wanting to understand her motives but I just can't answer that.