Saturday, January 8, 2011

Food for Thought........



Yesterday I came across this reference in a post that really got my wheels to turning. I was thinking if I'd been applying this measure to my standard for how I decide which people are to be trusted with my horses I might not have gotten myself into some of the messes that I did.

Now as I prepare to post about some of those situations I didn't see until it was too late for me and my horses, I'm thinking it might be a good idea to ruminate a bit about this new perception.

From a post by The Horseback Writer life with horses does mirror a person’s style and health (or not) within relationships. Horses reveal us to ourselves; they are a revelation if we allow it. Angry/controlling/inflexible/a push over/highstrung/restless/relaxed/available/emotional/unstable/unresponsive? There’s an excellent chance your horse is, too. An English proverb states: Show me your horse and I will tell you who you are. My horse is at the mercy of my personal awareness and it’s up to me to straighten things out

Right from the moment I read these words a light bulb went off in my head. Sure I knew if a rider was stressed they were probably putting that stress on their horse too but I hadn't really thought if a trainer was dysfunctional they would be dysfunctional in their training relationship with the horse as well. Yet, it only makes sense that would be the case.

I guess I was giving others credit for being able to put their personal flaws aside when dealing with horses. Why I thought that should be the case, I do not know. Somehow I must have thought that training could be disconnected from one's psychological make up. Even in the typing the idea sounds ludicrous. Yet that's exactly what I did and so I was not using one skill at which I am quite well versed.

That skill would be the ability to read people and the games they play in less than record time. The world of psychology and patterns of human behavior have been a study of mine. Ever since I did therapy for childhood abuse reading the signs and understanding the behavior that leads to victimization of any kind has been a passion of mine.

I made it a point to learn everything and anything that would help me understand what makes people tick. Those skills have given me the tools to deal with people in difficult situations because I can read their patterns of behavior. I have been able to predict when and how much the same as professional profilers. Yet when it came to applying those skills to make decisions about who to trust training my horses, I have somehow managed to think their dysfunction didn't matter. It is as if the behavior only counted in their relationships with people, a situation I thought I could keep a safe distance from. By the time I felt threatened I was into something I should have never been. The signs were all there telling me to keep a safe distance but the signs were ignored.

Angry/controlling/inflexible/unresponsive these terms and some other equally disturbing ones fit some people I've given horses to for training quite well. I thought their personal issues aside, they could be trusted and would do right by my horse. Now looking through fresh eyes I can see exactly how these traits affected both our relationship and what happened with my horses.

I have wondered for years how do you tell the good trainers from the bad without even considering what I already knew. Had I used this measure of psychological health, I would have never made the mistakes I did. People who are personally accountable for their behavior and take full responsibility for what they do are not likely to abuse horses or cheat clients. If they are always covering their tracks and making things some one else's fault, the odds are you or your horse are going to pay and/or be blamed if things go wrong. It just so simple, I can't imagine why I didn't get it sooner.

16 comments:

  1. I think we've all made that same mistake in some form or the other. Two things I look forward in a trainer/clinician - (1) a person of integrity and character - I'm not interested in how famous they are, and (2) a person who exhibits the traits I want to see in my horse - steadiness and calmness.

    If I read your post correctly, I think you were saying something similar.

    Good post.

    Dan

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  2. Yes, Dan, you got it. This is what I'm saying. You want your horse to be honest and to try hard to give you want you want and to work in a relaxed manner etc, etc. There's a huge list of qualities you want in a horse that don't just come from genes. If those qualities are not within the scope of a trainer's personal behavior, there's no way you're going to see that in your horse.

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  3. What a great revelation--and, I think, an accurate one. I was lucky to have worked with only one trainer so far and she was/is both honest and steady/calm. Whenever our horses came back from her, they were lovely--no matter how we sent them. She gave them a work ethic and a great deal of confidence.

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  4. I am lucky in that I have known my trainer a long time ,and seen his work on his own personal stock, as well as my own.But you raise a good point Ernie loves horses, and has a wonderful way with them and patience to spare, but I have known other trainers that ,just simply watching them ride thier own stock turned me off,yet until now I hdn't particualrly thought about why.Just a gut feeling I guess.One of the biggest "things I like about rnie,is if he has had down time for wone reason or another , he takes it on himself to first advise me of it ,and how long and then to make it upp at the end of the sssion or refund it .An honest guy

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  5. I had an abusive parent and because of that I can read body language really well (which comes in handy with my horses). Were I ever to consider sending my horses to a trainer I would spend a lot of time studying them and their interactions with everything around them before they got anywhere near my horses.

    Do they stomp, slam doors, belittle those around them, have fits of temper over little things, brush off questions without consideration or just plain ignore you?

    How do the horses react to them, do they avoid them if given the chance or shut down and act like a robot if they have to interact?

    Stuff like that waves big red flags at me. Fortunately it's not too difficult to spot the truly wonderful people out there, my clicker training mentor is one of those and I trust her completely with my horses.

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  6. Don't beat yourself up, the fact that you had this revelation at all speaks volumes. There is no doubt that you had the best interests of your horses at heart, and I'm sure these people made it seem like they did too.

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  7. I was just thinking about something similar, to a degree, but I was thinking back to when I owned a very challenging filly. She pushed me and challenged me to look at myself and find out how I needed to change in order to work with her.

    The sayings you couldn't be more true. Horseless for a while now and missing that challenge only a horse can give you.

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  8. Very good insight. I don't think most people make this connection, but now that you mention it, it really makes sense.

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  9. Sounds like you've had an Aha! moment to me, and now you've shared it with the rest of us! Thank you!

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  10. Horsemanship is life - it's all one thing. But this is certainly not something I started out knowing and I've made some pretty bad mistakes of the type you describe in the past. A number of Dawn's issues come from a bad trainer we used in the past - she's a sensitive and proud horse and did not take well to rough handling. Many years later, we're still dealing with some follow-on issues relating to this.

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  11. That really makes sense. Thanks for sharing.

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  12. good post. yes, horses can tell us so much. i don't think we ever stop learning from them. i'm a mental health therapist and have done the equine assisted psychotherapy training and it's amazing how horses tell it all - and if you learn to read the person's reactions (or can step back and feel your own) there's a millin and one lessons there. we owe them a lot. you're on to something! have a great sunday.

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  13. My trainer is someone I genuinely like and respect. I hang out with her. If a trainer is not someone I want to be around, someone around whom I am free to be myself and speak my mind, I'm certainly not going to turn my horses over to them.

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  14. You're right. And alot of people think that trainers can magically set aside their personality flaws when they deal with horses, but that's not the case. That's is an exceedingly good tool to use when searching out equine help.

    My trainer isn't perfect and after 12 years of working with him I know exactly what parts of his personality are effecting my horses, unfortunately nothing horrible, but its still there.....ALONG with the good and there is alot of good. I don't think anyone is gonna find Mr. or Mrs. Perfect Horse Trainer, but they can come close and make sure that those flaw don't translate to abuse...

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  15. That is very interesting and it is something I had never thought of before. Thank you for pointing that out, I will definitely keep that in mind from now on.

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  16. That is very interesting and it is something I had never thought of before. Thank you for pointing that out, I will definitely keep that in mind from now on.

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