Sunday, January 9, 2011

Transitioning from a Promise to Lytha

Ever since I wrote the post Food for Thought........ my mind has been racing with all the things I had before me that I did not use to protect myself or my horses. The revelations just keep coming and I cannot help but wonder what other things are out there I didn't utilize because I didn't see how they related to my dealings with others and my horses.

For those of you who might think I am beating myself up over this, nothing could be farther from the truth. For me it is about the learning process so I can make sure I don't make the same mistakes again. I want to understand it all as best I can so my horses don't pay because I've made similar mistakes in the future.

I thought I had gone through those early things from my time in the horse industry in Life............and Its Lessons and understood them pretty well. Now I see there were even more lessons there than I once thought. I cannot help but wonder how differently I will see things in those stories that are yet untold now that I have this new perspective thanks to The Horseback Writer

In my last post in the series of lytha's visit to my farm I promised 'Coming up next..............What lytha wanted to know...................the story/stories behind the biggest story here in 2010." Before I start down that road I think you should know lytha did not ask me a question. It was I that asked a question of her. "Was there anything she really wanted to know?" Her response to me was two simple, but daunting, words................. "the lawsuit."

I ever so slightly nodded my head in recognition of what I knew she would say. If that question had been asked of me as a reader, I know what I would want to know so it was not a surprise. Hearing those words, I had to take a deep breath before I could even begin to speak. I'm going to tell you the same thing I told lytha that day.

It's complicated. There is just no way to make it simple. There is no way to easily explain it. The only thing I can think is to do it the way that I know best. That is to just tell the stories as they unfolded. As I said to lytha, there are things that happened that played into later events. Each is a piece of the puzzle that makes up the whole picture of what this past year has been for me and my family here. Without all those pieces there will only be and incomplete picture leaving more questions. I know that because that's how I got to the perception that I have now, all the questions I asked myself and the answers I found in the past. I figured in the telling of the story, it was important to tell all the stories that played into it so you could see the "hows" and "whys" of it.

It may seem at times that I have gotten off subject. I assure you, that will not be the case. If I post something that doesn't relate, I will tell you I am off subject for the moment. From this point forward everything I post , even if it doesn't seem to fit, somehow has a place in the overall story. I suspect you will recognize them when the time comes.

As I tell each story, I will tell it from the perspective I had at the time. As time went along my perceptions changed. I will try to keep those changes within the confines of the time in which they happened. That way I hope to maintain some semblance of how it was for me and what I was thinking at the time.

If you're wondering why I'm choosing to do this now, I guess the simplest answer is this. People have done a lot of talking about me and in response, I have said nothing. Much of what has been said is so far from the truth it is no longer recognizable and still I didn't speak. It killed me inside but I knew it was in my best interests to say nothing about what I knew. Even though that was the case, I felt like I was letting myself down in some ways. Up until now only one side of the story was being told. Now, I figure it's time I stand up for myself and tell my side of the story.

In this process, I hope to see the things I missed in the actual living of these events. I hope to apply my new found perception and understand how that might have saved me, my family, and some of my horses a lot of grief.

The Journey Begins.........................

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  1. I ,like many have wondered , but tried to respect your privacy on this issue. I am glad you are going to tell it .And I hope in the telling you have some opportunity to heal as I (hope I am not being presumptuous here) think this was a sad and heartbreaking time for you

  2. fernvalley, you are not being presumptions at all. The words "sad and heartbreaking" couldn't be more apropos and I, too, hope there will be healing in this process.

  3. oh goodie *rubs hands* this is gonna be a great tale.

    hail, storm!

  4. lytha, I'm glad someone is excited about it. Personally, I'm a bit sick to my stomach.

  5. I'm glad you are finally able to tell it. I hope you will find not only healing in the telling, but actual peace.

  6. I agree with fernvalley--I hope it gives you an opportunity to sort through it and put whatever is negative behind you and not bring it into to the future. There's nothing worse than half/truths (or less than that) circulating the world, seemingly defining us and limiting us to some small space and time--as we have to sit and keep our silence. Remember though, most of us have been (or are) where you are.

  7. Get the truth of your situation out there. If your critics read it the worst that could happen is that they are still critics. At best they might change their mind.

    I doubt that the reasons for this lawsuit would make me think less of you, if that helps any.

  8. I have also been wondering but its one of those things where you want to be respectful and hey I know if you want to tell us about it you will....

  9. Don't hesitate to take breaks from telling this tale if it becomes overwhelming. I am as curious as anyone but want this to be a healing process for you, not a reliving of a painful time.

  10. Horses, just as they are, to me, are a blessing. I wouldn't want anything to change it unless it is a nice dog.

  11. I'm sorry you have to relive some pain. Horses heal our hearts. We would all do things differently if we have the chance. But at the moment, we do what we do with the best interests of everyone involved. Especially for the horse. I hope that time and through blogging (or secretly blogging - type what you need to say to heal yourself, but you don't need to blog unless you feel that brings some healing too), your heart and soul heals and you find peace. hugs, Brenda

  12. Life is full of lessons. Some are easy to learn and some...not so much.
    All we can do is our best just living our lives day to day.



  13. Say what you need to say, if only for yourself. I have been emailing a few of my close friends about things going on in my own life and through the written words, come to a few stinging, bitter revelations as to where things are going.

    Not pleasant at all, but sometimes we say it best in a way that brings us to an understanding only we can have. Looks like you have several shoulders to lean on around here, if you should feel you need one to lean on or cry on. Count me in either way.

  14. Thanks everyone for the support. It makes this journey much easier.