Food for Thought........

Yesterday I came across this reference in a post that really got my wheels to turning. I was thinking if I'd been applying this measure to my standard for how I decide which people are to be trusted with my horses I might not have gotten myself into some of the messes that I did.

Now as I prepare to post about some of those situations I didn't see until it was too late for me and my horses, I'm thinking it might be a good idea to ruminate a bit about this new perception.

From a post by The Horseback Writer life with horses does mirror a person’s style and health (or not) within relationships. Horses reveal us to ourselves; they are a revelation if we allow it. Angry/controlling/inflexible/a push over/highstrung/restless/relaxed/available/emotional/unstable/unresponsive? There’s an excellent chance your horse is, too. An English proverb states: Show me your horse and I will tell you who you are. My horse is at the mercy of my personal awareness and it’s up to me to straighten things out

Right from the moment I read these words a light bulb went off in my head. Sure I knew if a rider was stressed they were probably putting that stress on their horse too but I hadn't really thought if a trainer was dysfunctional they would be dysfunctional in their training relationship with the horse as well. Yet, it only makes sense that would be the case.

I guess I was giving others credit for being able to put their personal flaws aside when dealing with horses. Why I thought that should be the case, I do not know. Somehow I must have thought that training could be disconnected from one's psychological make up. Even in the typing the idea sounds ludicrous. Yet that's exactly what I did and so I was not using one skill at which I am quite well versed.

That skill would be the ability to read people and the games they play in less than record time. The world of psychology and patterns of human behavior have been a study of mine. Ever since I did therapy for childhood abuse reading the signs and understanding the behavior that leads to victimization of any kind has been a passion of mine.

I made it a point to learn everything and anything that would help me understand what makes people tick. Those skills have given me the tools to deal with people in difficult situations because I can read their patterns of behavior. I have been able to predict when and how much the same as professional profilers. Yet when it came to applying those skills to make decisions about who to trust training my horses, I have somehow managed to think their dysfunction didn't matter. It is as if the behavior only counted in their relationships with people, a situation I thought I could keep a safe distance from. By the time I felt threatened I was into something I should have never been. The signs were all there telling me to keep a safe distance but the signs were ignored.

Angry/controlling/inflexible/unresponsive these terms and some other equally disturbing ones fit some people I've given horses to for training quite well. I thought their personal issues aside, they could be trusted and would do right by my horse. Now looking through fresh eyes I can see exactly how these traits affected both our relationship and what happened with my horses.

I have wondered for years how do you tell the good trainers from the bad without even considering what I already knew. Had I used this measure of psychological health, I would have never made the mistakes I did. People who are personally accountable for their behavior and take full responsibility for what they do are not likely to abuse horses or cheat clients. If they are always covering their tracks and making things some one else's fault, the odds are you or your horse are going to pay and/or be blamed if things go wrong. It just so simple, I can't imagine why I didn't get it sooner.