Monday, August 13, 2007

Inappropriate Behavior at the Horse Show

I had expected to begin today posting about Rachel and Grandma and an Arabian Horse at the horse show this last weekend. However, I don't want to get this ugliness mixed up with how things went for Rachel and Grandma there.

Part of the reason that we are doing horse shows with Rachel is because we want good wholesome activities to do together. It's funny how you can just assume that when you go someplace in public you can count on the fact that what happens will be what you expect.

I guess any time you get a large group of people together you should count on the fact that there may be some weirdos in the bunch and about anything can happen. While this is something I am aware of, I still never expected to have anything like THIS happen at the horse show.

On Sunday I went over to the stalls of a friends. She gives lessons to a bunch of kids and an adult or two. They are very supportive of each other and are all normally at the horse show most of the day. I had a few minutes so stopped in to chat.

A few minutes after I got there, Colleen showed up and joined in the conversation. I was talking with one of the father's about Rachel and the problems with the kids at school.

He works at a school so he sees lots of things and we were having the discussion about how bad things can be and no one really does anything about it. He said there are good principles who care and deal with the problems and those who are in it for the money and don't do anything but push paper.

So here we are talking about kids being out of control and adults tolerating it when I see some strange movement out of the corner of my eye. I looked over and here is this maybe twelve or thirteen year old boy with his pants unzipped and a very long stuffed sock (or tube of some kind) hanging out of his pants. The kid is flipping that sock up and down like he's playing with himself, looking around, grinning from ear to ear.

Lookiing around, there were adults who knew this kid everywhere and many of them saw what this kid was doing but not one said a word. I looked back to Colleen and this father and could tell they had both seen the behavior as well. I commented about the fact that no adult was intervening and both just nodded their heads and agreed that's the way the world is today.

WELL, not MY world!! I couldn't stand it. I looked back over at the kid. I made eye contact with him and said:
"That is inappropriate behavior, and you know it. Knock IT Off!"

He could tell when I looked at him that I was going to confront him because his demeanor immediately changed. He dropped the sock when I told him to quit but just stood there looking at me. So I ordered him to zip up his pants! Which he did.

Then I turned back to the father I'd been talking with and asked him if he would be comfortable with his daughter (I think age 11) seeing that kind of behavior. He said no but still didn't act like he would have done a thing to stop it.

At which point I warned him that such behavior is an indication of poor sexual boundaries and the first markers for developing deviancy. Stated in simple terms that translates to the makings of future rapists and child molesters.

Offenders many times can seduce their victims by utilizing confusion. Acts such as this perpetuated in front of potential victims and not confronted actually aid offenders in tricking their victims into silence.

A child might feel uncomfortable witnessing such an event but because adults don't intervene, the child feels confused about the validity of their own feelings. That confusion is the number one tool child molesters use to trick their victims.

Because I know as much as I do about victim AND offender behavior, I couldn't have been more upset. Having to deal with this at a horse show where I have taken my family for good wholesome activities. I was past angry and into down right appalled.

Over my years of showing I've seen lots of kids out of control doing things they shouldn't be doing but never have I seen anything more than questionable from a safety standpoint with the kid doing whatever being the one most likely to suffer the consequences.

Never have I seen anything so blatantly and sexually inappropriate in such a public setting. I still can't get over the fact that NONE of the adults who knew this child intervened. Now, after it's all over, I'm regretting I didn't find out the name of that boy.

16 comments:

  1. Ummm....wow....amazing! I'll tell ya...if my boys ever...EVER did anything like that they'd be in sooooo much trouble they would think their world came to an abrupt end. What happened to the days of raising boys to be gentlemen? Jeez...thank goodness we homeschool and can consistantly deal with inappropriate behavior ourselves better then if they were in school. Our schools are a few that turn a blind eye to bullying, obnoxious behavior, etc and is one of the reasons we chose homeschooling. Good for you for saying something! Someone definately needed to!!

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  2. You are exactly correct. That is how sex offenders get started, just like that.

    It's amazing what society has been conditioned to "tolerate".

    Props to you for not allowing you and those around you to be victimized.

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  3. That really is appalling. I suspect, though, that the adults were a little afraid to intervene. Some parents are so touchy now that they go ballistic if you impose discipline on their kids.

    When I was growing up, any grownup could verbally reprimand any child in the vicinity, and the parent nearly always backed up the adult. No longer! We're seeing the results, too.

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  4. Good for you! I'm really surprised that nobody else stepped in. I would've crawled ALL OVER that kid. Glad you took the initiative.

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  5. Fear of the parents coming down on me or not, I would have been down on that kid so fast his head would have been spinning. Makes me wonder what else he thought it was okay to do.

    Good for you for doing something about it. It's a shame that things like that are 'allowed' to happen today.

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  6. I am glad you stepped in, I am sure you were the first person to do so. Heavens know what is going on in that child's home.

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  7. OMG! It is a good thing you stepped up and did something about that kid's behavior.

    I am the mother of a 13 yo boy. I read your post out loud to him and he said, "golly what a perv, if he does that in public no telling what he does when hes alone"

    If my son ever behaved like that he'd be in SO MUCH trouble.

    Crazy these days what kids get away with.

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  8. lol, sorry! but this boy makes me think of Charlie Pride lyrics,

    My Ding-A-Ling-A-Ling
    Charlie Pride

    When I was
    A little biddy boy
    My grandmother bought me
    A cute little toy
    Silver bells
    Hanging on a string
    She said it was
    My ding-a-ling-a-ling

    My Ding-A-Ling
    Everybody sing
    I want to play
    With My Ding-A-Ling
    OH My Ding-A-Ling
    My Ding-A-Ling
    I want to play
    With My Ding-A-Ling-A-Ling

    When I started
    In Grammar school
    I used to stop off
    In the vestibule
    But Everytime
    The bell would ring
    I'd take out
    My ding-a-ling

    My Ding-A-Ling
    Everybody sing
    I want to play
    With My Ding-A-Ling
    My Ding-A-Ling
    My Ding-A-Ling
    I want to play
    With My Ding-A-Ling-A-Ling

    Humpty Dumpty
    On the wall
    Humpty had
    An awful fall
    When they went
    To tell the king
    Caught him playing
    With his ding-A-ling

    My Ding-A-Ling
    My Ding-A-Ling
    Come on everybody sing
    I want to play
    With My Ding-A-Ling
    My Ding-A-Ling
    My Ding-A-Ling
    I want to play
    With My Ding-A-Ling-A-Ling

    I remember
    The girl next door
    We used to play house
    On the kitchen floor
    I'd be king,
    She'd be queen,
    Together we'd play with
    That ding-a-ling-a-ling

    My Ding-A-Ling
    My Ding-A-Ling
    Come on everybody sing
    I want to play
    With My Ding-A-Ling
    My Ding-A-Ling
    My Ding-A-Ling
    I want to play
    With My Ding-A-Ling-A-Ling

    When they took me
    To sunday school
    Tried to teach me
    The golden rule
    But everytime
    The choir would sing
    Catch me playing
    With my ding-a-ling

    My Ding-A-Ling
    My Ding-A-Ling
    I want to play
    With My Ding-A-Ling
    My Ding-A-Ling
    My Ding-A-Ling
    I want to play
    With My Ding-A-Ling-A-Ling

    This here song
    It ain't too sad
    Cutest little song
    You ever had
    Those of you
    Who will not sing
    You must be playing
    With your own
    Ding-a-ling

    My Ding-A-Ling
    My Ding-A-Ling
    Come on now
    Come on everybody sing
    I want to play
    With My Ding-A-Ling
    My Ding-A-Ling
    My Ding-A-Ling
    I want to play
    With My Ding-A-Ling-A-Ling

    Do you think that boy heard this song one too many times?

    definitely inappropriate! and perverted!

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  9. I cant believe how disgusting some boys can be... and how funny they think it is to act like male animals.

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  10. I too have been at horse shows and seen kids act up. I have told them to straighten up and even went and told the parents. Guess what, they acted like they didn't even care.
    Glad you took control of the problem.
    Laura

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  11. The one thing I could not get out of my head is that because you stepped in and reprimanded him, just might be what he needed to stop and think!

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  12. This upset me so much that I forget why I was coming over to do.

    You have been awarded the Creative Blogger Award. Stop by PJ's Paper Doll Cut Outs to pick up your award!!!

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  13. Tracy sent me over so you could entertain me while she's away!!

    I love horses and Arabians are absolutely gorgeous!!

    It's a shame about that kid. You did the right thing for sure! Many, many children these days do not have the proper upbringing. Sad to say, but true. Some parents are as bad as the kids or worse, so what can we expect from their children? Sad, sad, sad. Scary too!

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  14. Wow MiKael, I have just caught up on all my missed posts. I hope your weekend went well apart from this blemish. I have to say that I used to shoot school portraits and while I was in London I shot many many schools there, private (all very well behaved I might add) and public schools, from the Westminster Abbey Boy's Choir to the HUGE schools with 1200 odd pupils. This experience left me very jaded on my opinion of the majority of the youth of today and the fact that they ran the show. The teachers were too scared to step in and they just did what they wanted. I was actually quite scared at a few of the schools and if there had not been other photographers with me I would certainly have left. Anyway dont start me on this subject LOL. Sorry you had to witness it and sort it out because no-one else would.

    I have been invited to shoot an Arabian show the weekend after next, I am going to have to pick your brains for hints on what the competitors look for in their photographs in each discipline.

    I hope you are holding up, I miss our regular "chats", think of you often. ((((Hugs))))

    Lori
    xx

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  15. Wow, that's completely not acceptable. I'm constantly appalled at how children today act and talk to their parents and other adults. I would have had the taste smacked out of my mouth for sassing like I hear every day. Good for you!

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  16. I think it's great that you stepped in. I would have said something too. As it was inappropriate behavior on this boy's part. I'm sure he thought he was being funny. Having had alot of experience with teenaged boys, they tend to do stupid things. Their brains actually don't fully develope until their late 20's. Kudos to you, I totaqlly would have scolded him as well. Someone has to teach. Obviously his parents haven't been up to the job.

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