Thursday, May 17, 2012

Mother's Day Reflections......... a Lifeline.........

While I can look back and use Mother's Day of 2011 as the most obvious turning point in my medical issues. At the time, being without healthcare,  I tried to convince myself I was fine.

I had been to doctors about these problems before. I'd been told my symptoms were a combination of stress and menopause but solutions that should have worked didn't. The symptoms had come and gone and I was hoping to be repeating again. Instead my health continued to decline for another 5 weeks before there were no more ways to deny it. I ended up in the emergency room on a Sunday night and by Monday morning I had been diagnosed with colon cancer and my life was on the line. I'd begun the telling of that story here

but go sidetrack with on going health issues. There's a lot of story missing in between there are now that I probably should catch you all up on at some point. It certainly explains my slow journey getting to where I am today.

It has only been in the last 2 weeks that I have begun to feel like I am making some real progress. The beginning of show season found me unable to ride, let alone show and I was pretty bummed over that. I felt like the world was passing me by and it wasn't helping my recovery one bit.

I am not driving yet and I probably didn't really have the strength to even be thinking about going to a horse show  but I decided I wanted to attend the Daffodil All Arabian and Half Arabian Spring Horse Show.  I have not missed a  Spring Show in over twenty years. It was bad enough I couldn't show, or work at the show. I decided going to watch was better than missing out.  Giving up on this one felt like giving up on my life and I really needed something to hang onto so I called a friend asking her to take me.

I did this a couple of weeks before the horse show hoping I wouldn't make plans with her and have them changed at the last minute. An opportunity arose for a back up plan so I set that up too. With two friends willing to get me there, all I had to worry about was my body actually being strong enough.

From the moment I first decided I wanted to do this, I was very careful not to push myself beyond my limits. I never really know when I'm going to have a good day or a bad day but one thing's for sure, if I push too hard, I'm done. I was determined to make it to Daffodil. It became my lifeline. For the first time I can remember since going into the hospital for my third surgery I was looking forward to something beside crawling into bed at night.

We went Sunday morning because my breeder friend, who I begged to take me,  loves halter. One of the classes I would normally ride was also in that session so I figured we could watch a little of her thing and a little of mine and by then I'd probably be done.

I didn't really talk this part over with my friend but I did figure she would be in no hurry to return home. I didn't really think about how early I would need to get up to be there for the morning session and I sure didn't think about the two hours it takes to get me comfortable so I can even move in the morning. Then it helped that the beautiful gray stallion from halter is a gorgeous western horse. I was able to convince my friend it was worth staying to to see the pretty, talented boy doing what he loves most.

My friend, however,  was worried I didn't have the strength to get through the wait between halter and my western class but during that time I got the opportunity to visit with an old horse buddy I hadn't seen in 12 years.  If I had listened to my body I wouldn't have even tried but I'd been wanting to see this horse since I'd first learned he'd been purchased by my friend and my heart won out.

 This beautiful gelding was one of my horse children back in the days I'd worked for the halter trainer, Eric Krichten, and the horse had won my heart with his kind disposition and beautiful face. I was pleased to know he now had a forever home and someone who loved him as much as I did. Although realizing "back in the days" turned out to be twelve years ago didn't do much for my stamina, just having Blaze's nostrils extend in recognition of my scent warmed my heart enough to give me strength to get through.

While I was up I stopped by to visit the Hat Lady where I learned very few of my friends had any idea I had even been sick.  In addition they knew  nothing of other rumors I had been told were rampant. Instead the spread appeared to be limited to those few people who would like to see me discredited so others won't believe what I have to say about their business practices and treatment of horses.

I suppose I shouldn't have been surprised by that.  By now I am fully aware that some had been trying to benefit from my vulnerability.  I guess I should have realized the suggestion of rumors circulating to discredit me were just another part of that whole thing.

I also ran in to my friend, the oncological radiologist. He lives in the hot bed of rumorville and he also knew nothing about my illness or rumors about my horses. It was good to learn it was just another manipulation even if I have begun to feel like I have been fed upon by vultures.

To be continued....................


  1. I am so happy you got to get out to the show!! And seeing people that you haven't seen in awhile! It must be so hard being there and not showing.
    Sounds like you are feeling better too!!

  2. Ditto on what Paint Girl said. I'm rather stunned that people would even repeat whatever the rumors were back to you. You don't need to be worrying about what other people are thinking or saying. I think those in the know should just correct those repeating false rumors and leave it at that.

  3. I'm so glad you got to make it to the show. I'm even more glad that your friends and people you know weren't aware/participating in all that negativity!

  4. So glad you got out to the show , and got in some positive visiting as well

  5. What a great thing to be able to get to the show and revisit with some of your friends. This time next year you'll be showing again!