Tuesday, September 20, 2011

The Journey of 2011..............

Looking at the number of comments on my Update it looks like everyone would like the opportunity to understand what has happened here. The only way I can see that will happen is for me to tell the story and really the whole story.

From the hospital I did a post I called The Story but it didn't really tell much of the story at all. Mostly all it did was mention the C word so I guess the best way to do this is to go back and start at the beginning.

To be honest, I'm not even sure where this story starts. Over the past few years I have had problems on and off with my stomach, or at least I thought it was my stomach. I know that during the journey that led to the lawsuit I posted about trouble with my stomach then but I had some minor issues before that.

When the disease really began in my body will probably never be known . The only thing I am sure if is when I posted Under the Weather in June, I was already having a considerable amount of trouble because that's what it would take for me to quit posting. A minor little stomach ache would not have been enough to shut me down.

Once I did that post, I pretty much quit doing much of anything except for trying to figure out something to make me feel better. I jumped through all the hoops I'd done the previous year when I'd had so much trouble every time I ate. To deal with that I had gone to eating bland foods and taking probiotics. I don't know really know if those things helped me or if it was just a coincidence that my stomach issues got better. All I can say for sure is this time around those things didn't work.

Because we had not been able to keep up with the rising costs of premiums for health insurance, neither Dave or I had insurance coverage. I had been to the doctor when my stomach trouble had flared up the year before but the prescription they had given me was not the least bit helpful. Since I had a similar experience a few years back I wasn't really trusting that the doctor would help me at all so I worked at trying to figure things out myself.

As the days went by I got more and more uncomfortable whenever I ate. I was plagued with gas but it took me some time to realize while I was burping a lot, no gas seemed to be escaping from the other end. Once I realized that I decided that an enema was in order.

An enema is not an easy thing for me to do. It was a form of abuse in the house I grew up in and it was only after I got a "normal" enema when I had my first baby that I even realized how evil the enemas I'd been given as a kid had been. Since then I find it difficult to even give them to foals when needed. I do them but they are accompanied by some pretty miserable flashbacks.

Despite those issues by now I knew I had to do something. I didn't want to end up in the emergency room only to have them decide I needed an enema so I took it upon myself and got it done. The result was I did get some relief BUT it didn't last for long.

I figured I was on the right track but I also knew that repeating enemas can result in messing up the balance in the gut which can cause its own set of pretty miserable issues. Instead of repeating a tap water enema, the next day I decided I would try a glycerin suppository since I knew from my vet glycerin type enemas are much more gentle on the gut than the water type.

I read the directions carefully and followed them just as carefully. I got the same kind of results as with the tap water enema. I was better for a time but it didn't last long.

By now it was the weekend. I told Dave if I wasn't better by Monday I would let him take me to the doctor (something he had been pushing me to do for days). Saturday night I went to bed early. Something that Dave has not seen often in the years we've been together. If I had really been listening to myself, I would have noticed the unusualness of that too and maybe that would have affected my decision making process but who knows.

Sunday morning, I tried another glycerin suppository and got pretty much the same result. Had I not gotten any results, I would have gone to the hospital immediately as the directions instructed. As it was I figured I would wait until the following morning and then head to the doctor.

I was in bed by 6 that evening which was pretty much unheard of around here. I got up and then down again a couple of times that evening. No matter what I did I just couldn't get comfortable but I was still thinking of heading for the doctor's in the morning.

By this time I was barely eating. What I did eat was directed towards dealing with constipation and bloating. Mostly I tried to keep the fluids going knowing that fluids area big issue with constipation as well as dehydration. I was doing better drinking water than anything else but I knew I wasn't eating or drinking enough to survive and I was getting pretty frightened but still hanging onto the thought my best bet was the doctor's office in the morning.

I'm sure that thought process was totally motivated by the insurance issue. Going to the doctor's office wouldn't be nearly as expensive as going to the emergency room and every penny that we had to spend on something like that would mean less money to care for my horses. I was taking no chances at putting them in jeopardy despite the issues I was causing myself.

That Sunday I laid in my bed rocking back and forth trying to distract myself from the pain. My mind raced with all the possibilities of what lay ahead. I had no idea what to expect because we had didn't have health insurance and I worried about my horses. What would become of them if something happened to me?

To be continued.....................

The Eye Opener....

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  1. With all the pain you were in I'm glad you finally decided to go to the doctor.

  2. How horrible! I know iour system here in Canada is not perfect , and I am a wait and see person. I prefer to "walk it off" before going to the doc. But to feel like you essentially have to chose between health care and financial devastation! Is jsut horrifying!

  3. I remember you mentioning how torn up your gut was at a horse show. It's so hard to tell what is just a result of getting older and what is a serious, life-threatening health problem. With the high cost of both health insurance and medical care, I suspect most of us are gambling with our lives. I'm astounded by the abuse you went through as a child.

  4. Oh, no! I am so sorry you went through that much discomfort. I occassionally have "tummy troubles" myself, but it's usually from a salad I've eaten! My tummy seems to be my weak area.

  5. Our bodies let us know what's wrong, if we listen. Not having insurance is tough.

  6. Oh how I've missed your blogs...Welcome back! I wish you continued positive recovery and thank you for sharing.

  7. I'm so sorry you have to endure this, and sorry that your lack of insurance kept you from seeking the care you needed. Just remember that they must treat you, whether you can pay or not.
    Those of us that do have insurance, due to the new laws that have been put in place and will be coming in over the next few years, can barely afford it as as well, far more out of pocket than we've ever had to pay. The only saving grace is that we have outstanding medical doctors and facilities to treat us and we don't need our case to be put in front of a panel to be approved for care, so take heart! There's a reason leaders of foreign countries fly into the United States to be treated.
    My friend was diagnosed three years ago with pancreatic cancer at 35 years old. Thank God the doctors got her in surgery the day after discovering it and so far she is cancer free.
    Hope this was offering some encouragment to you, which was my intention, and that you will stay strong, your horses, kids, and Dave need you.

  8. Losing insurance is a big fear for me now that I am in my 50's and Things seem to fall apart much more often...so glad you are posting again but so sorry also to know the pain you have been through.

  9. I cant imagine not being able to pay for going to the hospital. I know we commplain about wait times, but at least we all have the choice to see a doctor.

  10. My own gut clenched as soon as I read that you didn't have health insurance. Just what you needed: outrageous health care bills.

    At least you're feeling better now, right?

  11. I am also glad you decided to go to the doctor.

  12. Just to play devil's advocate I will point out that having insurance and access to doctors is not always foolproof. I went through weeks of testing and incredible pain before it was determined that I needed gall bladder surgery.
    BUT, once they actually determined what the problem was it sure was nice to have them. Surgery is not something one can self administer.

  13. I am definitely one of those people who likes to avoid doctors at all costs. It has to reach the point where I'm starting to panic before I go.

    It's sure nice to have you blogging again. And horsey or not, this is an important story.

  14. Having had insurance, being covered, getting treatment or care, then the insurance company denying the claims, cancelling the policy- the whole 9 yards, I have been there, and have to many Tshirts. Mkythx.

    I am along the same mind set- there had better be broken bones, a lot of blood, horrible pain or a serious whack to the head before I go to the doctor. Even then, I wait until Monday if possible.

    Doctors offices a lot of times will cut you a reduced rate if they know in advance you have no insurance. They are more likely to get paid on the spot or within a reasonable amount of time. Their staff doesn't have to bill the insurance company and then haggle over the price before finally getting paid some 6-9 even 12 months or more later.