Thursday, September 15, 2011

Update




I know it's been a while since I've posted so I thought I would post an update. . It's just that my recovery is moving so slowly that it seems there really isn't much to say but I don't want anyone to be concerned my lack of posting is a bad sign so I guess here goes with the boring details.

With all the comments with suggestions on increasing the font size I did manage to figure out my problem here. It appears that somewhere along the line I changed the settings to something less than 100% and that's why I was having issues.

I'm still having major issues with my double vision but at least now size of font isn't contributing to them. I have managed to visit a few blogs but progress is slow since I only seem to be able to read one post before my eyes are shot and usually I'm done for the day.

I have really appreciated everyones comments, emails, cards and phone calls. It sure helps my day not feel quite so long and I feel less isolated when I hear from my horse and blogging friends. I'm quite sure the phone calls even help my blood pressure. LOL

I can finally walk to the barn without Dave's help but I can't really do anything once I get there, nor can I stay for long. I have one of those lightweight bag chairs out there so I can sit for a while and drink in the smell of my horses.

Usually the boys in that first barn talk to me. I'm sure they are puzzled to see me doing nothing but sitting in a chair. All of the horses seems to be very vocal when I speak. I am sure they are all wondering what the heck is going on that most only hear my voice and do not see me.

Making the trip around to visit all the horses is really still too much although I must confess I have done it a few times. I usually am done for the day after that. Legs is just downright p*ssed with me shaking his head and pinning his ears. He is wanting to go back to work and that just isn't happening anytime soon.

I must confess I am really frustrated with the length of my recovery and I feel like there's some deficit on my part responsible for me not healing faster. The docs and nurses assure me I'm doing well and that I must be patient but patience is just not my thing.

I had an appointment with the surgeon yesterday and he finally scheduled the colonoscopy that needs to be done before he can do my next surgery. That test is set for Oct 11 and if all is fine, the surgery will be Oct 25. He also said, if all goes well, I will probably be myself again by this time next year.

I can't even explain how hard those words hit me even though I know he is probably right. I have been hoping I would be back in the saddle by my birthday in Feb. I knew I was probably stretching that just a little, some of my friends have suggested more like spring but fall of next year just seems like too much to bare.

I haven't really posted all the details about my illness and so that long date might confuse some. Mostly I haven't posted because I keep telling myself this is a horse blog and people expect to hear stories about my horses. However, my horses have been so tightly wrapped up in my journey because of how deeply they are in my heart, I am beginning to think my reasoning has been flawed. Each blogger I have spoken with has wanted to know the whole story and I guess it really does explain what is happening here so I am considering telling it as I have the strength to do so.

Keep in mind It still does not take much to exhaust me. Yesterday I had two medical appointments AND then a farrier visit along with some people coming to see horses. Although I spent much of the barn time in a chair I overdid and will be paying for it for days.


I would like to know what my readers think about this. Are you interested in knowing the whole story? Or would you rather just hear about my horses on this blog?

28 comments:

  1. I've loved reading about your horses, you have a wonderful gift in your writing and as I got to know you more through your writing I felt as though you became my friend. Blogging is weird that way. Without being nosy and only if you are comfortable I would like to know what's happening to you. It also gives me comfort to know you will get better in time. To me it seems everything went downhill so fast and I don't understand. Please understand, I respect your privacy entirely and I do hope the best for you.

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  2. Your blog , your story my friend. tell what you need told, and hold only back what you do not care to share.

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  3. I'll third the above sentiments; up to you, chickie ;o) I think you will find that you are not alone in much of what you are feeling and going through.

    I had a terrible time adapting to my body's new limitations imposed by cancer and a muscle disease (had to go "face first" more than a few times to get the message *grin*). Push a little, but don't overdo.

    Take things one day at a time, and one week at a time (don't focus too far out, and don't waste time looking back...you'll just get discouraged). Hang in there - we're all pulling for you and of course the horses are wondermous therapy! Have a hug :o)

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  4. We love hearing your horses stories, but we also care deeply about you. I will read whatever you are comfortable sharing:)

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  5. It's your blog, so your choice. All of our blogs eventually digress into so-called real life when it gets in the way of our horsey lives.

    My prayers continue for your restoration to health and strength. Maybe writing your story is a part of your recovery.

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  6. I echo Fern. You and your horses are twined together; their story is your story. You tell what you wish of it. Hang in there and let yourself heal. Hugs and prayers to all of you.

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  7. There's no rule that your blog has to be about horses. Our lives change and sometimes we can't spend as much time with our horses as we want. I think most of us who have been blogging as long as you have already morphed into writing about other things. People are interested in you and your journey.

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  8. I'm like Mary, I feel like you are my friend, I have been following your blog for about 2 years, and have read probably just over half of ALL of your posts and I feel like I can relate to some of your story, I even tried to find some of your other blogs as I think they may have things in them similar to what I went through as a child, and I still have trouble dealing with. You are such a strong woman, and I admire you so much and your story inspires me every day! I went out 7 weeks ago and bought a horse (I haven't owned or had any contact with horses for 13years! And nearly being 40 years old, thought I was too old to have a horse again!), and it was you who inspired me and gave me the courage and confidence to try loving and riding and looking after a horse again. (My first/last horse died 13 years ago at the age of 27years old).

    I would like to hear what has been happening, if you are comfortable talking about it on this blog.

    Thank you so much for considering telling us.

    Lots of love and super get well and stay well wishes!

    Karren from Australia

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  9. I think sharing your concern with friends...and thats what we are...can only help the healing process as it unburdens your fears and concerns and lets others be able to comfort you. I am so glad you are getting to the barn, is there anyway you can get someone to loan you a nice big wooden rocker with a soft seat and back pad and sit in the barn in front of the stalls, in this cooling weather, just to talk to them, read, smell them? Please continue to updat as you feel fit to. praying for a fast recovery!

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  10. I'm glad to hear that you have at least gotten out to the barn if only to smell the horses and be with them. Take your time and heal. If you feel like writing about your experiences and what's happening in your life right now that is up to you. I support you and wish you well and would be happy and relieved to hear from you and know what is going on. Not out of nosiness but out of concern. Be well and have a good visit with the doctor.

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  11. I agree just tell what you want to. I am happy just for these little updates as I think about you all the time now.

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  12. It's your blog, MiKael, write what you want and I'll read it.

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  13. I am glad you are able to go to the barn. I miss reading your blog everyday and have been very concerned about you. I would like to know more but I also respect your privacy. Tell only what you want to tell. You are in my prayers.

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  14. I feel like I know you through following your blog so now I really worry about you and your horses when I don't hear anything for a long time. It helps to know you are recovering even though it will be slow. If you wanted to tell us more of what is going on it would help ease some of the worries. Please take things easy and don't overdo. I got this saying from my Dad "This too shall pass." Helps me deal with things I don't have much control over.

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  15. I love hearing stories about your horses, but I will admit I am nosy and do want to know what happened, so if you feel like telling it, i will sure read it. Next fall seems like such a long time to get better, but I guess now you know and wont be upset if by spring when you arent riding. Hope you heal up soon and just enjoy sitting by your horses for a while.

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  16. Post what you are comfortable with. If someone is bored by what is happening in your life, well then, are they the kind of people you want in it? Probably not. Look at it as a way to weed out the chaff.

    Glad you can make it out to the barn. Even just sitting there can bring comfort and peace within. Knowing the horses are close, even just smelling the manure in the air, it helps bring peace of mind and through that, some balance and maybe some ideas of how to proceed from here. It was good talking to you last night. Definitly gotta do it again soon!

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  17. Love the pic by the way! And which horse might this be????

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  18. Speaking for myself alone, yes, I initially started reading your blog for your horse stories. Over time, your personality has shone through as you've shared the good times and bad. As Mary said, blogging seems to create a sense of friendship with otherwise complete strangers. Write what you feel comfortable having us know. We care about you, not just your horses.

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  19. We'd like the whole story, MiKael. Through your horses and your blogging, we've become vested in YOU. YOU matter. So, when you're ready, and when you're up to it, we'd like to hear the story.

    From FB, you already know we know some of the same people, although, I've been away from the Arab world for a long, long time. I *might* be able to find someone to help come work your horses, IF it would be helpful to you and IF you would trust me to do so. I can't promise anything though, without talking with my bestie first. I just thought I'd throw out that potential offer. It could be a win-win as it would get your horses working and happier, and keep them in condition, making you happier. Let me know.

    In the mean time, rest when you need to rest. Get pony therapy when you need pony therapy. And just work on getting well!

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  20. I love your blog because it is about both you and your horses. Can't have one without the other, and we want to hear everything about both! Please take good care of yourself and try not to do too much. Thank you for updating us. Cause we worry. . .

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  21. I think writers, readers and commenters form a type of relationship over time, and as with all relationships, the big stories overlap and are woven together. I want to know what is happening with you, to the extent you are comfortable writing about it.
    I'm so glad you're back to posting. Visiting with and smelling the horses is sooo good for the soul. Try to be patient. The year will fly by.

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  22. Any news is good news, Mikael. Sorry to hear that the recovery is going so slowly, but I'm glad to hear anything at all.

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  23. OMG-MiKael...Yes, we love hearing about your horses...

    but it's YOU that we care about!

    Even if you don't feel like sharing the whole story, at least keep us posted of how YOU are doing and feeling.

    I can only imagine how difficult it must be to realize that your recover is going to take a full year. I'm so sorry.

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  24. MiKael, I have come to consider you a friend as we have spoken at various points over a long time now from the twins and now your blog and your journey. I have to admit I am very curious as to your illness, but I will not press more than you are willing to share. I have to say that this is a bump in your journey with your horses so it is tied to your horse blog.

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  25. Write whatever you wish and we will read it. Know that we are your friends and are concerned about YOU, first and foremost. The horses are a big part of you but not all.

    Sending healing thoughts and prayers that your recovery is faster than the doctor expects it to be.

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  26. fernvalley01 says it all for me.
    By the way; You probably already know this, but in case you don't; You can increase the size of the font on what you are reading, by using Control+ and Control- to decrease.
    Sorry if I'm teaching Granny to suck eggs.
    ATB.
    Dickiebo

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  27. You know I recognize that you write your truth - why would you stop now? It's a whole life you live, horses and all. Say what you want to (Because it could be part of taking care of yourself, you know). I'll read it.

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