Thursday, April 7, 2011

TNJ........... Unexpected Loss...........

series if you missed it.

Part One

I took care of that phone call with the court clerk on Friday morning and then shifted gears to do horse show. I hurried onto getting packed up and moved into the Daffodil All Arabian Horse Summer Show having made promises about arrival times I was beginning to think I couldn't make.

I had friends going and was going to be stabled with them so I wanted not to be holding them up because I hadn't gotten my act together yet. I rushed around, even though neither my horse nor I were really tuned in to horse show, and we got ourselves down to the Puyallup Fairgrounds not too far off from our promised arrival time.

The only reason I went to that show was really to escape everything here at home. Loosing Solidare was smack dab in my face and I wasn't really feeling all that confident about the lawsuit. Using the horse show for a distraction seemed like a good thing to do. This group of people I was stabled with were easy to be around and have a good time so it was fairly easy to zone out and get lost in their silliness.

Zoned out was probably the way I spent most of the horse show. Legs was not nearly as round as he'd been at the spring show Without me being tuned in, what else could the horse be? I wouldn't say the horse show was productive in ribbons but it pretty much got me through.

I knew going in that BG and WF would probably be there with most of their barn including MD and GD. By this time I hadn't spoken with MD since she'd hung up on me sometime before regionals. I didn't know what to expect should I run into them but it couldn't be worse than being home and facing Solidare's absence so I just tried not to think about it. If something happened it would happen.

I did try to keep track of GD's classes and at least be there on the rail. That was pretty much it for our involvement at the horse show. Just like other times, the only time GD spoke to me was if I spoke to her and there was no real conversation just a response to whatever I said.

It wasn't just GD I saw there under those circumstances. One of my grandson's was there as well. He behaved towards me in the same manner as his sister. He spoke if spoken to but otherwise I didn't really exist. I suppose that's to be expected considering the behavior of MD.

I didn't see her until sometime Sunday afternoon. I walked by her sitting in the stands. She was in the first row so there was no way I could have avoided her if I'd wanted to without turning around and walking out the other way. I am not a person who normally runs so that wasn't an option. As I approached I looked straight at her and she returned my gaze.

I said, "You know Solidare is gone?" Her response was, "Yes" and then she proceeded to make excuses about being busy etc to explain away why I had heard nothing from her even though she'd known I lost my very special mare.

I nodded my head almost apologetically as I pushed myself past her. I needed to get out of there quickly. I did not want her to see me cry and the tears were welling up inside. How could they not be? There is no doubt that MD knew how much that mare meant to me and now the question "had she known" had been answered. To not call, say nothing, spoke very strongly to where our relationship has gone. My heart was breaking for the second time that week.

I straighted myself up, threw my shoulders back and swallowed hard as I proceeded down the walkway heading towards the other end of the arena. My mind wanted to race but I didn't let it. I was not going to give her the satisfaction of knowing her arrow had hit just as she intended.

I immediately thought about the lawsuit and with it came some relief. I had myself so programmed by then the lawsuit must come first, I managed to settle myself. By the time I walked past some people I knew I was nodding and smiling in recognition like nothing was wrong.

On the inside I was dying a thousand deaths over the loss of my mare and the state of my family. They seemed to be inextricably joined at this moment and I had no idea how to escape but I was putting on a great face for the world to see. I was a rock.

I took myself back to my stalls and worked on getting my stuff organized enough to pack. There were so many horse trailers parked outside it would be a while before I could get mine in to load up. Most of the horses I'd been stabled with were already gone except for one. He was not in his stall so I knew they were still showing.

There was just not enough going on at the stalls to keep my feelings at bay. All I could think of was MD's lack of real reaction to the loss of my mare. I guess I could understand her not caring about my feelings, I've seen that side of her many times, but I was very surprised to see she seemed to have no cares about the mare's suffering either. I just didn' t know what to think. The walls came crashing down as two of the biggest losses in my life boiled over.

To be continued.............

What's Next?.......

The foal in this picture is Andy. That look should speak pretty loudly to him being a colt. His mom is getting ready to roll and he's eyeballing her waiting to leap when she's down. Typical boy tricks.

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  1. Wow. I can't even imagine how hard that must have been.

  2. Love the picture. You can see his mischievousness

  3. Heartbreaking... not only losing Solidaire, but the separation from your daughter & grandchildren when you needed them the most...

  4. That's so hard. I can totally relate. When I lost AJ last December, my father whom hadn't spoken to me since last summer, didn't even call me when he found out. He knew how much I loved that horse and his not even bothering to call and say he was sorry for my loss was like pouring salt in an open wound.

  5. Just sending you a big old hug, I know it is past but my heart for you aches just to read it.Love the Sparky baby! SOme colts just seem to hit the ground with some boy Attitude!

  6. Nicole, it was definitely a hard week and still more to come.

    He is still quite mischevious, that one.

    Tammy, it was a difficult summer and this part caught me totally off gaurd.

    horsemom, you are so right. that's exactly how it felt.

    fern, thanks, it make have been months ago but it feels a bit fresh right now.

    Seems like all of Legs' boys hit the ground that way. I love those big attitudes but this guy is something special.

  7. What a little attitude Andy has you can see it in the tilt of his head and his expression. Poor mom.

    I feel so bad for you MiKael. It's beyond me how a daughter can treat her mother like that, especially at such a vulnerable time in her life. The hardest part is her condoning how the grandchildren act toward you too. Hopefully, they will come to their senses and realize they are on the wrong side of the fence and family is more important than anything else.

  8. This breaks my heart and maddens me at the same time. We have seen time and time again how heartless and ruthless your daughter can be. But when she MUST know that you are dying inside over your sweet mare, and to not call, what a low life of a being, truely. And Im really sorry to say that about one of your family members, but this right here really did it for me. She had been manipulative and cruel in other accounts, but this was obviously a very known and almost calculated move to hit you where it hurts. I can honestly not even begin to fathom what would possess someone to do that, to THEIR MOTHER, their FAMILY MEMBER no doubt. I just cannot believe it. What is worse actually, is that I CAN believe it, and its so hard to see that what I thought (and what Im sure you thought) you knew was inside, was really there. So sad and so heartbreaking. Im very sorry you had to deal with that heartbreaking discovery at the same time as a happening that stole your precious mare away from you. I cannot image what kind of pain you were going through.

  9. I'm so sorry you had such a terribly sad time with the loss of Solidaire and the compounding to the case as well as your family's unsupportive behavior. I am hoping that with time and as things progress with this story, it gets a whole lot better for you!

  10. So sorry for your lose!
    Cue picture they are both beautiful!

  11. You hinted earlier that it would get worse with your daughter, so my mind went to the worst case scenario then--but it's still sad to read the details. I love my mom and dad and I can't imagine what would possess someone to turn on their own flesh and blood.

  12. Wow...That was just cruel. I'm so sorry.

  13. Wow thats tough! Just when you need her most she snubbs you in a way she knew would hurt.

  14. Sometimes you just have to find a place and let the tears go. I know not a day goes by that the horses passed, don't cross our thoughts. Sometimes the tears still stream when they do. And that is absolutely fine when it happens.

    Someone in Heaven must have needed a horse like her and you sent them the best one you had. {{Hugs}}

    For your daughter to have been so cold is just so wrong on her part. Hopefully some day your grandkids can see past their mothers ideas and mend their relationship with you.