TNJ........... Unexpected Loss...........

series if you missed it.

Part One

I took care of that phone call with the court clerk on Friday morning and then shifted gears to do horse show. I hurried onto getting packed up and moved into the Daffodil All Arabian Horse Summer Show having made promises about arrival times I was beginning to think I couldn't make.

I had friends going and was going to be stabled with them so I wanted not to be holding them up because I hadn't gotten my act together yet. I rushed around, even though neither my horse nor I were really tuned in to horse show, and we got ourselves down to the Puyallup Fairgrounds not too far off from our promised arrival time.

The only reason I went to that show was really to escape everything here at home. Loosing Solidare was smack dab in my face and I wasn't really feeling all that confident about the lawsuit. Using the horse show for a distraction seemed like a good thing to do. This group of people I was stabled with were easy to be around and have a good time so it was fairly easy to zone out and get lost in their silliness.

Zoned out was probably the way I spent most of the horse show. Legs was not nearly as round as he'd been at the spring show Without me being tuned in, what else could the horse be? I wouldn't say the horse show was productive in ribbons but it pretty much got me through.

I knew going in that BG and WF would probably be there with most of their barn including MD and GD. By this time I hadn't spoken with MD since she'd hung up on me sometime before regionals. I didn't know what to expect should I run into them but it couldn't be worse than being home and facing Solidare's absence so I just tried not to think about it. If something happened it would happen.

I did try to keep track of GD's classes and at least be there on the rail. That was pretty much it for our involvement at the horse show. Just like other times, the only time GD spoke to me was if I spoke to her and there was no real conversation just a response to whatever I said.

It wasn't just GD I saw there under those circumstances. One of my grandson's was there as well. He behaved towards me in the same manner as his sister. He spoke if spoken to but otherwise I didn't really exist. I suppose that's to be expected considering the behavior of MD.

I didn't see her until sometime Sunday afternoon. I walked by her sitting in the stands. She was in the first row so there was no way I could have avoided her if I'd wanted to without turning around and walking out the other way. I am not a person who normally runs so that wasn't an option. As I approached I looked straight at her and she returned my gaze.

I said, "You know Solidare is gone?" Her response was, "Yes" and then she proceeded to make excuses about being busy etc to explain away why I had heard nothing from her even though she'd known I lost my very special mare.

I nodded my head almost apologetically as I pushed myself past her. I needed to get out of there quickly. I did not want her to see me cry and the tears were welling up inside. How could they not be? There is no doubt that MD knew how much that mare meant to me and now the question "had she known" had been answered. To not call, say nothing, spoke very strongly to where our relationship has gone. My heart was breaking for the second time that week.

I straighted myself up, threw my shoulders back and swallowed hard as I proceeded down the walkway heading towards the other end of the arena. My mind wanted to race but I didn't let it. I was not going to give her the satisfaction of knowing her arrow had hit just as she intended.

I immediately thought about the lawsuit and with it came some relief. I had myself so programmed by then the lawsuit must come first, I managed to settle myself. By the time I walked past some people I knew I was nodding and smiling in recognition like nothing was wrong.

On the inside I was dying a thousand deaths over the loss of my mare and the state of my family. They seemed to be inextricably joined at this moment and I had no idea how to escape but I was putting on a great face for the world to see. I was a rock.

I took myself back to my stalls and worked on getting my stuff organized enough to pack. There were so many horse trailers parked outside it would be a while before I could get mine in to load up. Most of the horses I'd been stabled with were already gone except for one. He was not in his stall so I knew they were still showing.

There was just not enough going on at the stalls to keep my feelings at bay. All I could think of was MD's lack of real reaction to the loss of my mare. I guess I could understand her not caring about my feelings, I've seen that side of her many times, but I was very surprised to see she seemed to have no cares about the mare's suffering either. I just didn' t know what to think. The walls came crashing down as two of the biggest losses in my life boiled over.

To be continued.............

What's Next?.......

The foal in this picture is Andy. That look should speak pretty loudly to him being a colt. His mom is getting ready to roll and he's eyeballing her waiting to leap when she's down. Typical boy tricks.


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