The New Journey................A Realization............

Part One

I never did hear from GD about which classes she had entered at the horse show. I figured I had done enough to get the information at this point. The schedule was too spread for it to be reasonable to pick a date and hope I made a class GD had entered by just showing up.

I did go midday on the last day of the show to see the yearling halter classes. I arrived just in time to see GD's class moving across the courtyard after leaving the arena. WF walked by me and spoke directly to me, which she is not supposed to do because I am acting pro se.

I did not respond because I did not want court sanctions and I worried that there was now one more thing WF could manipulate if she chose. I was glad I had a friend with me as a witness if I needed one. By this time I knew WF's game is always to play the innocent to others I knew better. Speaking to me was deliberate and calculated to further her own purposes in some way. It really sucks to be at a horse show for a break and have to think about protecting myself.

It was only after my friend and I walked past WF that I realized the horses coming towards us were GD's class, the half Arabian western pleasure open championship but I did not see her in the group. Not until I joined my friends in the arena did I hear that GD had indeed ridden in that class. I was disappointed to have missed her and had to rely on someone who had seen it to tell me how GD's ride had gone.

She did not win a prize and the ride was described much the same as what I had witnessed at the Daffodil Arabian Horse Spring Show. I was sorry I was sorry to hear that GD and her horse are not really improving in the eyes of others.

A little later I was sitting in the stands with friends when GD came gleefully running up to join the group. She did not speak to me or acknowledge me even though she sat down almost right in front of me. When I spoke to her I received a half hearted "Hello." I asked about her ride, she responded with a brief "Good." Then I asked her why she hadn't sent me her class schedule and she responded, "Oh, didn't you get that?"

I recognized the look on her face with that statement. It was the same look I had seen so many times before from MD. Now here I was looking at that same look on GD's face. She was lying to me, covering her tracks so it didn't look like she'd had anything to do with me not being there when she rode. My heart sank at the realization.

That was the only conversation GD and I had at the horse show. She immediately turned around speaking to those in front of me. She did not try to pursue a conversation with me and I no longer tried to pursue one with her. You would have thought I wasn't even there or that we didn't even know each other, let alone that we were family. It just is not the relationship I figured I would ever have with my any of my grandchildren but it is very much what I have with all four of MD's children. Sad.

My friends who were present for this exchange saw the look and recognized it for what it was as well. I got glances all around letting me know they were there for me. As bad as I felt that this had happened. It felt even worse that it had happened in front of my friends.

There wasn't anyone there who didn't know by this time how wrong things had gone between us. Each of them saw the tragedy that was there. I think they believe, as I do, that no one is going to pay bigger for this than GD. Not that she cannot or will not survive without a relationship with me, it is the behaviors she is embracing that will cause problems in her life.

It was a very sad day to see GD losing the respect of people I care about. It was even sadder because it was so obvious that she didn't really seem to care. It was an eye opening experience but it was not to be the last one. There was far more that lay undiscovered at this point.

While I was very concerned about how things were developing between MD and GD and myself, I still didn't have any idea of the depths to which things had changed. By this time I clearly realized BG and WF's stirring the pot was some how providing a benefit for them. I still had not realized the extent to which they had been successful in cultivating the chasm between us and it would be a while before I learned what the benefit to them would be.

My heart was heavy but I still had no idea what I could do to change this situation. It still seemed to me that time would heal some of this so I focused my attention on the lawsuit and tried not to worry about what was happening with MD and GD. As far as I knew they were still planning on testifying if I needed them and that must mean something. Right??

I had gone to that horse show to watch the yearling sweepstakes halter classes that evening. The afternoon session was over early so my friend, Wendy, and I decided to go out for dinner. I didn't even get through my meal, which was something innocuous like a salad, and I ended up double over in pain from all the stress of the afternoon encounter with GD.

I have been having increasingly more issues with my stomach from the time this whole situation had started back in January. Since that time, I had ups and downs with my digestive tract but there seemed to be no rhyme or reason to it. No particular foods were at fault. The only common denominator seemed to be stress. When it increased, my stomach got worse. When it lessened, my stomach was better. I'd been to the doctor but his prescriptions really didn't help much

I thought I would be fine once I got in the car and we headed down the road. We thought we might forego the horse show and just head for home but before we even got to the main highway headed home, I was in so much pain I needed out of the car. There was just no way I could sit in that position for the hour and a half ride to the communter lot where I'd met Wendy.

We went back to the fairgrounds. Instead of heading back to the horse show to watch classes, I ended up writhing in pain laying on the grass in the parking lot outside the show grounds. Sweat was pouring as my whole intestinal tract seemed to cramp. I felt like I would feel better if I could just puke but that didn't happen, which I knew it wouldn't.

Poor Wendy worried about my well being as I assured her this was not my first encounter with such intestinal upset. I have had this kind of severe reaction a handful of times since this whole lawsuit thing had started. While the experience was always very miserable, I would survive just fine. I took what antacid I had with me and laid there hoping the pain would at least subside some. I knew it would be days before this episode was actually behind me but I needed to have some of this discomfort lessen if I was ever to ride in the car.

I would guess I laid there on the cool grass for twenty minutes or so, although it felt like hours and maybe even days to poor Wendy. Once I felt like I was well enough to handle the car ride home, I crawled back into the car and let Wendy know I thought I could travel now. Thankfully Wendy was the one driving or we probably wouldn't have made it home. It was a hard day but they were going to get harder. This whole thing was clearly taking its toll on me.

To be continued.....................

Just More Stuff........

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