Wednesday, January 26, 2011

Another Journey Begins - Some Grooming............

Part One

At this point in time my situation with the horses was feeling pretty overwhelming. With some of the life things that happened a goodly amount of time had passed with my focus pushed to other things besides training horses. Because of that I ended up with a number of young horses that were not started that needed to be AND really more horses than I had planned on having in the first place.

My big fall from Reflection made it so I didn't really feel safe anymore trying to start these youngsters myself. Also I no longer felt comfortable asking MD for assistance with things between her, my GD and me in a shambles so I was caught between a rock and a hard place. On one hand there was my fear and on the other there was no longer the help I'd relied on when I started young horses. In the middle were all of these horses needing to get started and me without the confidence or resources to get things done.

In addition Dave was losing his job soon and I had all these horses to feed. How were we going to manage all of this? I needed to get some horses gone to get our expenses down. To do that, I really needed to get way more horses worked than I was getting done. I was under a lot of pressure to get something figured out.

Adding to the pressure I knew that I needed horses broke to ride to get them marketed. That's just the way it is these days. I didn't have the money to hire help and there was no way I could get it all done myself even if I didn't have the fear. I was definitely in a vulnerable position and the darkness seemed to be closing in.

Being able to ride horses at this facility seemed like an answer to one prayer anyway. At least I didn't have to worry about not being able to ride due to normal weather conditions. If I could get Storm ready for the ring and sold the coming show season I thought I'd be out of the woods for sure.

Once I began riding over there were other things that began to happen with BG. I suddenly was being treated like I was this great friend in a friendship that hadn't really been all "that" friendly before now. There were offers to go out to lunch and go look at horses and other social things. My phone calls to BG were always answered even though I knew he screened all his calls and let most of them go to voicemail. If he did miss my call, I got an almost immediate reply. I was even encouraged to join BG at the gym. There was that underlying message our friendship was special.

I'd been thinking about doing the gym for a while to get my core strength built back up so I could better deal with situations like unexpected jumps from young horses like Reflection had done. I hadn't gone because I felt over my head and knew I couldn't afford a trainer. I couldn't see the point of paying a membership that I probably wouldn't use.

BG assured me he and his friend (another woman from the barn) went every morning and that I could join them. They'd be glad to show me the ropes. Not long after this offer I Took the Plunge

Then there was the fact right from the start of riding horses at their arena, I was told how wonderful my horses were and how much BG and WF believed in me and in my dream. I was also told lots of things that other people were supposedly saying about me and my horses. Statements like, "I don't care what they say about you MiKael Caillier, I like you." and "Maybe they think your horses are old fashioned but I think they're beautiful and talented" made by BG were common place. I was assured that WF was on the same page in support of me and my breeding program.

I can remember the uneasiness I felt at the remarks supposedly said by others in the industry as well as those I was being told were said by MD and GD. Sometimes I was just plain mad when I left that facility. I found myself thinking I was fighting even a bigger battle to get recognition for my breeding program than I'd previously believed and that things between MD and GD were downright hopeless. This made me feel all the more desperate and vulnerable. I was beginning to feel like I was alone and fighting a losing battle on all fronts. There was no way my dream was going to survive this unless I got some help.

There was something else that BD kept doing maybe even before we got started working horses. I heard from him over and over about WF's connections in the industry and his too. The implication was that they had power and respect that I did not have, she in the Arabian industry and he in the horse industry at large. With that power came the ability to sell horses. It was implied that sticking with them would get the job done for me that I had been unable to get done on my own.

Throughout this time, I was assured BG and WF were in my corner. They'd do what ever they could to help me because they believed in my dream too. I began to think the only friends I had were these two people and that I really needed them or my dream was sunk.

You hear something often enough and you tend to believe it. I found myself buying into the belief that BG and WF had some kind of power in the industry that I didn't have. I began to believe friends I'd had for years were not really friends at all. I began to believe that I needed BG and WF.

To be continued.............

Offers.......Me and BG

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  1. Oh dear, I have a knot in the pit of my stomach! These people are/were clearly master manipulators!!! No wonder you missed the signs !If they had kept you any more off balance you would have figuratively been on your a** in the sand!!! Takes the skills of a true sociopath to work a person that way, pump you up and at the same time pull the rug out from under you .Smoke and mirrors Mikael!

  2. Hi, thank you for the kind comment you left about my sister over on my blog. Many people feel it but few can say it. Best wishes and blessings with your beautiful Arabians-- without which, where would most of the other riding breeds be? And the racers?

  3. HOLD THE PHONE- your horses are old fashioned!?! And that's a negative?

    My 1981 arabian was straight up, old school Egyptian (2 generations from Morafic), he had the substance and the conformation to go the distance and be happy and sound doing it. If that's what an "old fashioned" arabian is then I'm behind that 100%.

  4. I think it's very rude to tell people--or imply--that others are talking bad about them. I had this done to me and I cried and cried. The "friend" who brought me the gossip turned out to be no friend at all. In fact, she is the one I referred to when I first started reading this story. There is so much competition and mean-spiritedness and talking behind people's back...if they were friends, they'd stick up for you when they hear it and then never let it get to your ears. I'm sorry that happened to you.

  5. fern, the fact this happened over a period of time and not the days of these posts made it not so obvious at the time but yes, there was a lot of manipulating going on.

    Allsion, I know that lack of words is hard for those dealing with such trauma. I wish you healing from those wounds.

    smazourek, I wasn't really sure what that was supposed to mean. Beautiful, talented, and you're right about sound, should be enough.

    Linda, well this person turned out to be no friend either. I'm sorry you've had that kind of experience too.

  6. Hmm, it's obvious they were manipulators but to what purpose? What did they have to gain from basically brain washing you and making you feel isolated and like they were the only ones you could trust. Not very nice people and I can see there is a train wreck coming.

    By the way your "old fashioned" horses are gorgeous. We were told by a trainer who visited us that Sami our little Arabian rescue was old fashioned and not in vogue. I think he's adorable and smart as can be.

  7. Wow, I hate when people manipulate and deceive (as it appears here). Frienship, especially on a professional level, can be a very very difficult thing.

    On a side note, Id love to chat with you about Arabian reiners....possible good lines, etc. Shoot me an email

  8. Those back handed compliments of theirs are quite something. I'm sorry you had to go through all of this; I can imagine it only gets worse. I don't know too much about Arabians, but I think yours are absolutely magnificent...especially Storm!

  9. Arlene, they were definitely after something. What will be clear soon.

    As for old fashioned horses, I didn't really get that for a while. While my horses are not the current "hot" bloodlines, I didn't see what that should matter.

    With all the clinics I've taken and judges I've talked too about their opinions of my horses, I've never had one even hint that my horses are "old fashioned." and my horses do well in the ring when they get there. LOL

    paint horse, funny you should ask that with the mention of old fashioned horses. Certainly with the trend towards reining, old fashioned is what you want. I'll shoot you an email later today.

    JJ, it turned out he was really a piece of work. Unfortunately I didn't see it at the time.

  10. I'm not saying much...because I'm speechless but I am reading your story and empathizing daily. Seems the horse world is full of self-proclaimed experts and that we often don't give ourselves credit for our own experise.

  11. Any time someone starts trying to pigeon hole me and keep me to themselves in isolation and under wraps- I start to worry.

    Are they doing it because I am that good? Better than they are? What are they afraid of? If they just cna't cut it on their own, many times they go after those who they feel are the easy targets. So many times kindness is mistaken for weaknesses and some of the nicest people with the best intentions are clearly destroyed in their wake.

    I am glad you survived all of this and I hope you are finding some peace within for yourself, from just telling the story.

  12. wilson, thanks for the support. You're right there are lots of people out there purporting to know more than they do. Equally right that I am known for not giving myself credit for being as capable as I really am. The combination of the two can lead to one bad experience.

    Pixie, the bad thing was that I did not see this behavior at the time it was happening. I lived it. I experienced it's effects but I really didn't "see it" for what it was. It was in the looking back I realized what had happened so there was no questioning at the time, other than that moment something doesn't feel quite right. Those feelings I dismissed, unfortunately, not trusting myself.

    I must admit that I was really glad to see 2010 be gone. For me it was closing the book on me "taking" if you will what was dished out to me. 2011 is the beginning of me taking back my life. Telling this story is an important part of that.