Heartbreak in the Road

There are not enough words to express what I feel in my heart. I must do the telling the only way it will come out. I cannot see through the tears to write unless I become the reporter instead of the grieving owner............even then there just are not words to honor this mare..............

The exquisite Arabian mare, Solidare, breathed her last breath as she was humanely euthanized this afternoon. I knew this day was coming but I was not prepared for it. At twenty years of age it was reasonable to expect that there was more life left ahead for Solidare. It just turned out not to be the case. There just is no way to prepare for such loss.

As my heart breaks for her I know I did the right thing by breeding the mare last year. Her last days on this earth were filled with joy as she doted over her foal. Despite being extremely crippled with arthritis complicated by a torn tendon in her left hock, the new life of the foal brought happiness to Solidare and filled her up. The mare was in heaven being a mother again. Her eyes twinkled and her heart danced. There was no doubt about that. Anyone who saw the crippled mare saw the joy she carried in her heart as she tended to her foal.

Sometimes it even looked like Solidare might rally and maybe make it through another winter. I wanted to give her that time if it was good for her. Those moments were only fleeting, however. It became more and more obvious each day that Solidare was never going to admit she'd had enough. The mare had such great heart she was never going to give up on life no matter what it threw her way. She wanted to live even if she would never be whole again.

New challenges presented themselves and it was clear that I must make the decision. There was not going to be "that look" in her eye that said Solidare was ready to quit. Even with a rub developing on her right side from her struggles to rise, Solidare was undaunted. She snaked her neck at me and shook her head because I was fussing over the wound when she wanted to be out grazing with her son.

The final straw, a dislocated left fetlock that the mare still walked on without wincing.............anything to keep up with the colt she adored. She tried to out race me to the gate with the colt at her side so she could escape into the yard to teach him how to eat my pansies. The mare just would not give up no matter what.

There was no difference in her stride even with the dislocated fetlock. We suspect the bone missing from that spot actually relieved some of the pressure in the joint making it a little more comfortable, a little less painful. Still, the injury made getting up and down all the more difficult but Solidare was not complaining. All she wanted was another day to spend with her baby.

I gave her all I could but today, it was time. The colt may not be the normal age I like to wean but he is old enough to survive safely. It would be such a shame to lose him too. The mare was willing to make the sacrifice for him. I had to give her that despite my breaking heart watching her decline.

I will never forget her calls of distress as we separated from her foal this afternoon. Nor her calls at the vet because the colt was not there. It is the only complaint I have ever heard from this mare when I have dared to separate her from her foals for any reason. The mare would do anything for her babies and to be with them. They were her life. My heart ached for her that she must feel that heartbreak even for those few minutes. I wish I could have spared her that discomfort. Oh, how I wish I had the power to save her. I would gladly have given my life for hers.

I cannot help but think about how Solidare came to be mine. I went to check out the mares of another breeder here looking for a replacement for Scandalous within my herd. There were twenty something mares in that 40 acre field, all running together, bossing and shoving and putting on a show. Solidare was there flagging her tail and showing off before she came up close to check me out.

Solidare chose me that first day I met her. I don't know why she came to that decision, just that she did. The mare stole my heart as she ran off any mare who tried to get anywhere near me. I will always remember the swell of pride that welled up in my heart as I realized this beautiful Arabian mare wanted me to be her special person. I have always felt humbled by that gift and her presence in my life.

I cannot imagine a day without Solidare. My heart breaks that same nagging way it did when Scandalous died and my dear sweet Image. I have never recovered from the losses of either horse............and I will never recover from the loss of Solidare. These are the very special horses from which dreams are made.

Solidare carried my dream broadly, squarely and poetically. Her foals are magnificent Arabian horses, each special and unique and exquisite like their mother. They have their mother's sweet disposition and fierce abiding love for their people, not to mention that great magnificent heart. This mare deserves all the tears I have to shed for her and so much more. I will never forget Solidare. Her image is forever etched in my mind.

Goodbye.........Sweet Mare.....................Goodbye.................