Sunday, July 7, 2013

Little Sprouts.......

  Part 1

Once the strangers left I was definitely thinking about their visit. That part about not making life changing decisions while in, or soon after, a crisis was hard to dispute. If my horses really were ok then maybe I shouldn't be trying to give them away. Maybe it was appropriate for me to come out the other side of this illness before making the decision to abandon my dreams.

If that were true, then maybe something else these women had said might bare consideration. That was a remark about it not being appropriate for someone to be pushing me to sign legal documents or assign assets? Could Kelly Panowicz taking Doc really have been immoral and unethical?

The big conundrum, if the horses were fine and Kelly had exploited my illness for personal gain, why had my friend sat there while it happened and why had Crystal Baker agreed with Panowicz?

I know my friend's role, and probably why I have stayed loyal to her, are difficult for readers to comprehend. I cannot say often enough the one thing I never doubted was my friend's loyalty to me.

I know in my heart she meant me no harm but for the life of me I couldn't reconcile the loyalty of one and betrayal of the other. That is why I had trouble believing my horses really could be healthy.  To do so meant I must question my friend's loyalty or figure out how these two truths could fit together but the former wasn't going to happen and the latter too difficult to explain.

The difficulty of my readers in accepting my friend's innocence might be a good parallel to the trouble I was having reconciling that truth with the opinions of the strangers. Readers can see the obvious truth spoken by strangers and I can see the truth about my friend, yet I have shared with you what I had to go on to this point. The difference between perceptions most probably affected more by your health and my illness than any facts or intuitions.  The state of my health definitely distorted pretty much everything except for my perception of my friend.

You may have questions, and maybe even observations, that did not occur to me but other than that we are on a level playing field when it comes to the story unfolding. I have shared everything I remember from this time. I may be off in timing a little but this is as close as possible to how things happened and how I was impacted by each thing.

At first I had no idea what to do with this information from the strangers but then I got an email from Kelly. She wanted me to send her information on each horse, level of training, or what I saw as potential. I immediately thought about that AHA printout she had when she arrived here. She had taken copious notes, and asked lots of questions to identify each horse with its information as we toured the barns. If those notes had not been what I was telling her about each horse, what had she been writing down? That was my first real clue from Kelly herself that she was up to something more than what she claimed.

There was something else to consider underlying this request. It had taken all the energy I had to do that tour. What had been the point if she had not used that time to get the information about each horse? Considering how weak I was, it seemed cruel that I had been put through such an expenditure of energy for no reason yet Panowicz had claimed to be concerned for my health. Wasn't that another contradiction? That thought provided me with another question to what she claimed. Little details that began to undermine the seeds she'd planted.

Just like now, it was difficult for me to sit at the computer. I didn't have the strength or stamina to respond as she wanted. Also, I just could not quell the awakening disturbance in my gut.  Something here was amiss. I just didn't know what but my uneasiness was undeniable.

I chose to ignore the email for the time. If she really was up to no good, I didn't want to give her anymore access to me or my horses. The new hay and additional feed changes should assure my horses were improving regardless of whether they had been merely a little thin or in real trouble. At this point I could afford to wait for more information to figure all of this out without putting my horses at risk so that is what I decided to do.

I was waiting on test results for my hay and a return visit from Crystal Baker. Those things would surely give me more information about what was really happening here. Figuring out what Kelly Panowicz was up to could wait. The strangers'' seeds were sprouting all over the place but I didn't know it yet.

To be continued.......

Something in the Hay.....and Unforgotten Words......


  1. From little sprouts come big ideas. Glad you were starting to doubt her intentions.

  2. Grass roots spread and take hold. Once established, it grows into bigger and better things.

    Sounds like things are turning around and looking up.

  3. Yay for those growing seeds of doubt

  4. Thank heavens for seeds sprouting. It's been a while since I commented on your blog, but just wanted to let you know I'm glad you're back! :)