I still remember the night I met this nurse. As I recall had been asked before I was ever removed from my room if I would be willing to try whatever she might ask of me. I was so desperate for any relief I would have done anything short of murder(figuratively of course) so I agreed having no idea what was in store for me.
Just thinking of that night causes my face to contort as my body remembers the pain that was far off any chart. People have left this life unwilling to tolerate far less. I knew that from comments overheard as nurses searched for some kind of solutions for me. I doubt that time will ever dull that memory, it is so burned into every fiber of my being.
My body is not all that remembers this night and this nurse. Every time I think about I remember the emotions elicited by that pain. Never in my life have I pleaded more to be saved, nor have I felt more hopeless, yet the only word I shared with her was, "Please" as my twisted face and tortured eyes looked up at her, telling her all she needed to know.
She was a beautiful woman, tall and thin, dressed in pastel scrubs. Her blonde hair framed a sweet, angelic face that did not reflect back at me the darkness she saw emanating from my own. Despite the intensity of my pain and the lack of relief I had experienced up until now, there was something calming in her demeanor even though I didn't dare hope.
Everything about her spoke of caring as she ever so gently swaddled me in layer upon layer of warm blankets. By the time she was done the only part of me visible was the upper portion of my face. I don't know how many blankets she used but the fabric around me was so dense I couldn't see past the blankets to find my toes nor could I feel the usually painful surface of the bed. The whole conglomeration must have looked like one gigantic cocoon.
One that task was done she massaged the exposed portion of my face. While she did this the warmth of all those blankets began to conquer the bone chilling cold that seemed to accompany my pain. That is the last I recall of my first night with this nurse.
I do remember being awakened at 5 am for a blood draw and suddenly realizing I had actually been sound asleep for the first time since this whole nightmare had begun.
To be continued...
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