To get into the back field from the parking area, I had to ride under a tethered cable that supports the power pole and runs to the ground. With a flower bed on the left and the pole on the right, there is only a narrow strip of grass between that leads to the back yard. With the angle of the guide line to where it anchors right behind the flower bed, there is not much leeway to be riding a horse underneath, especially with a rider as tall as I.
Because of this I tend not to ride green horses through that spot and I always think twice before I attempt it with a broke one. It's too tight and if the horse should spook, I'd be splat on the ground and maybe even cut up by that cable. Now, as I rode towards this tight area with Legs, I couldn't help but think about the possible jeopardy. Then I glanced back at Dave still sitting at the picnic table monitoring me and I knew this choice was the lesser of two evils.
The back field had all kinds of issues to suggest the yard was a safer place. With all the uprooted trees and broken limbs from the winter's ice storm both in it and in the side pasture, there were plenty of unusual things that could happen if the wind should suddenly decide to gust or should a cat or some other critter dart through. As much as I wanted to trust my horse, I just didn't want to be taking any unnecessary risks on my first time out.
I expected right from the start this time on my horse wasn't really going to be much of a ride.That's why I had wanted to be in the yard in the first place. In that confined area I was less likely to get into trouble if something did happen to spook my horse and I'd counted on Dave, as did Legs, to save me if needed. However, the short time I'd been able to feel my horse beneath me before Dave got distressed was not enough to quench my thirst. The balance between my safety and my need to ride teetered precariously.
With Dave's worries turned to distractions to my concentration, I was torn between giving up my safety plan or giving up riding. Even as I moved away from him heading for the back field, I struggled with my own concerns about riding my horse (who hadn't been worked in 9 months except for a few minutes of lunging), the condition of my body and the route I was taking. There was still logic in my brain but I was hardly listening to it.
Even though Legs was behaving like the perfect gentleman, I had my own, old fears about riding in that field fueled by the current state of my body. I've bit the dirt more than once in that field and one of those times turned out to be a very painful and slow healing injury. With my body shaking from exhaustion I couldn't help but think of my vulnerability.
With each step of my horse I recognized I really was in the kind of condition you'd expect to see a person riding in a therapeutic program but here I was riding alone without even a person walking next to me for support AND I was doing things I wouldn't normally without thoughtful consideration.
There was nothing thoughtful about my considerations now, I dismissed them as easily as I dismissed my husband's fears. My sensibilities were definitely influenced by how desperate I was to ride as I pushed aside all reason and rode under that cable heading for the gate, the back field and a "real" ride.
To be continued.....................
Some Challenging Thinking......
Wednesday, April 18, 2012