The Journey of 2011.................... Ending a Difficult Day.........

Part 1

Once the new epidural was in place, a nurse was needed to turn on the pump that administered the drugs. I remembering thinking how cumbersome protocol has become when a doctor can't flip a switch like that.

Even though I understand the reasons for such methods like making sure everything is done, no one gets sued, and union issues over job responsibilities aren't messed with, etc. but it just seems sad to me that things can get so bogged down that it actually can make things more difficult instead of being efficient. I don't get how that helps anyone. I was really grateful the nurse was close by so I didn't have to wait long before the pump was up and running. It had been a long painful day and I was really in need of the relief.

By the time Dave and Lindsay arrived, I was once again reasonably comfortable but I was totally exhausted from the day's experience. I guess I have really never thought about how exhausting pain can be but I certainly had a clear example of it now. Dave was relieved that I was no longer hurting but I think Lindsay was scared by how tired I was.

The drugs were now kicked in at full strength and I found myself fighting the urge to check out. I think everything about me, but my brain, wanted to sleep. That part of me just couldn't let go of feeling I would scare poor Lindsay half to death so I hung in there asking her about her day.

I worked at getting Lindsay to open up and talk to me which only further convinced me she was scared. I just kept right on asking her questions about the horses until I finally jogged some kind of memory for her. Once she began on her story, the lines in her face left and her eyes softened. By the time they left, Lindsay looked much more relaxed and she'd shared at least a half dozen stories of the horses' antics for the day. Good medicine for both of us, I think.

I doubt if Dave and Lindsay were even out the door before I fell asleep but that sleep didn't last long. My oldest son and his wife arrived to visit and I found myself once again trying to stay awake. I get to visit with my son so rarely that I really wanted to take advantage of his time there.
Both he and his wife looked worried and soon I found out why. I was not the only parent in the hospital, my DIL's father was also fighting for his life at the time. It's no wonder, between his heart issues and my cancer, that these kids were looking so worn.

As much as I was glad to see them, I was really glad they hadn't arrived earlier in the day when my pain management was all screwed up. That could only have added to their worry. I wished there was something I could have done to take that burden for them.

Mostly I tried to look as "well" as I could under the circumstances which, thinking back, must have looked pretty darn lame. I know I was checking in and out just like I had with Dave and Lindsay. Both my son and DIL acted like they didn't notice my lapses but I could tell from their faces they left more worried than when they'd arrived.

Once again I'm sure I was asleep before my guests even exited the room. I did, however, manage to get a warm hug from each before they left. Maybe that influenced the drugged dreams of volleyball that regaled me for the first hours after they were gone.

I remember an aid coming in later in the evening and asking me if I was ready to get up and walk. I shook my head in the negative because I was shaky just trying to sit upright while my visitors had been there. I promised I would make up for my missed walk when the morrow came. Little did I know that Mother Nature had different plans for me.

To be continued...................

The Walk.......

Scandalous Tag is the horse in this video. He's one of Heiress' babies and is a pretty talented boy.


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