Friday, January 14, 2011

A Different Kind of Journey - More Stuff

This Story Begins Here

I never did hear from YW and I didn't attempt to call her. I was too angry for that. I didn't want to say something I would regret later so I just kept my silence BUT you can bet I didn't forget what she'd done to my mare. I couldn't help but wonder how the two geldings were faring.

About this time an odd thing happened. That woman YW had blamed for her issues with me called me up and began asking me questions about my conversation with YW about her. I tried to explain what I'd said but it was obvious that something was wrong and asking questions, I really didn't get to the bottom of it. I wondered what was up.

If that wasn't strange enough, I then got a call from my friend who had the two horses in training with YW. She began asking me about the same conversation and her questions were along the same lines. I tried to explain to her as well but our whole conversation just didn't make sense to me. I had no clue what was going on, I just tried to answer the questions as honestly as I could and I hoped they figured out whatever it was they needed to know.

Then next thing I knew I had this friend plus another waging a small time war against me. They were both friends of that woman from regionals and their friend had been wronged as far as they were concerned. To their way of thinking I was the one responsible for the whole thing and they were going to make me pay. I think I even got a phone call or maybe it was a message letting me know they were done with me and they were going to make me pay. The war was on, at leat in their eyes.

According to what I heard they believed I was trying to run YW's clients off so I could have her all to myself and that I was responsible for the problems the other woman was having with YW. There were words about me being so selfish I didn't want anyone else to be successful and I'd do anything to interfere with others trying to make it in the industry.

Those two horses were pulled from YW and I found myself snubbed. Relationships I'd had for years were now suddenly in the toilet and I really didn't know why. The only thing I knew for sure was that YW was somehow involved.

I must admit I didn't do anything to correct this situation. My feelings were hurt these woman didn't know me well enough or even trust me enough to know I would never do the things they accused me of. Between that and the fact I tend to shy away from relationships with people who believe that getting even is the way to settle a score, I decided these relationships probably weren't worth saving. I was better off without such friends in my life but believe me I did wonder what the story behind their behavior was.

I think in the bigger picture it's important to add these were friends who were a part of my immediate support system. I spoke with them regularly and called if I had problems. I could rely on them for help and vice versa.

When I say problems, I don't mean just I had a bad day. If my barn was flooding, my truck died or a horse got loose these were the people I called. At that time the group of close friends for me was made up of six women. This situation took half of that away and two of those three women were top of my list if I needed physical help of any kind. It was a hard blow to take.

There was another twist to this situation. The now former friend who had just dumped me AND waged war against my reputation is quite strongly connected to the webmaster for my farm site. I found myself wondering if I could trust this situation or if I needed to be figuring out some other arrangements for my website.

I was afraid to call and ask for fear I might give them ideas about new weapons to use against me. I just didn't know what to expect. Would they be professional or would this personal issue bleed through an affect my business? I just didn't know so I decided I better check out my options.

I soon found out the design etc of my site are actually the property of the designer. That meant I'd have to pay for a whole new web design as well as get my site moved to another web location. The latter would be impossible without the cooperation of the current webmaster unless I bought a whole new domain name and started from scratch.

Not only did I not have the funds to pay for a new design etc. having to start from scratch with a new domain name and a new location would mean it was like my site hadn't existed at all. I would lose all recognition in the search engines making my site once again impossible to find. The probabilities of selling horses from a new site with no rankings are slim to none.

Building search engine rankings and such takes time and skill too and there are many sites out there that do not have the benefit of such skills behind them. I had been one of the lucky ones finding a webmaster/designer who really knew his stuff bringing me up quickly. Starting over would be a big hit for my website and would affect my business as well. It was something I couldn't afford to do.

I decided I'd stick it out and hope that my website wouldn't be compromised but believe me, I sweated it. It was a tense time for several months. I did lots of checking to see my website was still functioning and that my search engine rankings were not suddenly dropping. From what I could tell, nothing like that ever happened and at least I was safe on that front.

Who would have thought a situation with a trainer could even end up interfering with my business? Peculiar how the oddest things can trickle down and make huge waves sometimes, isn't it? You just never know where things will end up.

NOTE: None of these women has spoken to me in five years. I have seen the woman this controversy revolved around at horse shows a couple of times this past year. Then I ran into her at the Wendy Potts clinic. I made it a point to tell her I was sorry about what had happened and that whatever it was it never really was about her or even me. It had been about YW. She'd been lying and manipulating both of us to avoid being responsible for her behavior.

I told her I didn't know what YW had said to her. All I knew for sure was what YW said to me and I told her what those things were.

It was then I learned what was behind this "punishment" I'd received from my former friends. Instead of being honest (and at this point who knows what honest would have been) YW had told this woman I had said she would never have any clients if this woman was around. Of course, I should have guessed, if YW had blamed her problems with me on the other woman, then she blamed her problems with the other woman on me. It made perfect sense and was one more piece in the puzzle of what makes YW tick.

To be continued..................

The First Show

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  1. It's too bad that you lost your friends because of this trainer, but if they were really your friends why would they have listened to her and this other woman in the first place. Before you go about ostracizing or punishing someone why wouldn't they have talked to you and gotten your version of what was going on? Talk about a lynch party. Then again it's like follow the leader: if you want to be accepted and be part of the crowd you go along and don't have the guts to have your own opinions. In my opinion you're better off without those kind of "friends".

  2. Ugh. I hate that whole she said/she said thing. Sounds like YW might not be too stable.

  3. Arlene, I totally agree and that's why I decided to just let this go instead of trying to resolve it with them.

    Leah, I don't know what YW's problem is. I just know thinking I could help her and she could help me was a huge mistake.

  4. "Talk about a lynch party. Then again it's like follow the leader: if you want to be accepted and be part of the crowd you go along and don't have the guts to have your own opinions. In my opinion you're better off without those kind of "friends".

    Oh my Gosh! I am SOOO in agreement with what Arlene said...for you and for me, too. I've experienced the same situation not long ago (like we recently talked about via e-mail) and I can Sooo relate.

    Some people are like wolves in sheep's clothing. They are your friends as long as you agree with everything they say or believe in. Stand up for yourself and your opinions, just once, and they turn on you, and bring in all their 'friends', like a pack of hungry wolves.

    It's totally like being back in high school again. Ridiculous.


  5. I would have brought the condition of Vee to the attention of these supposed "friends". I mean, how would they explain away that? Or did they visit the barn and not notice her condition themselves. Because, if they knew and didn't say a word, that's nearly criminal and definitely shows them to not be friends at all.

  6. Wow thats awful! Its too bad trying to help someone means losing some good friends.

  7. Good for you taking the high road in this mess. It must have been very difficult to do given the treatment your mare received. You are the better person for not participating in barn gossip/trashing. I'm sorry your friends weren't same.

  8. Sounds like YW was a master at playing the victim and shedding blame. It's hard to believe how good some people are at that-in real life and in bloggerland. Nothing is ever their fault and anything said to them is recited to other people as an attack.

    It isn't until they have a major meltdown or too many people start having the same stories about the crap they say/pull that people realize how deceptive they really are.

    What's so sad is that it's still the horse that suffers at the hands of these fools.

  9. Gah! What a social mess she made of your life. I hate it when people misinterpret one's actions as being selfish. I had a friend ask me what I thought of a trainer. I didn't say anything insulting, just offered some facts regarding my experiences with her. A few days later I visited the trainer and as I was walking up to the indoor arena I could hear her repeating what I had said and complaining to her assistant that it wasn't her fault that she had to put off training my horse for six months because of other problems that were out of her control. It was then that I knew I couldn't trust that friend. I've also learned that when someone says, "What do you think of so-and-so," it is because they are playing the role of the middle man, finding out so that they can tell so-and-so what you said. I always thought adults were above that, but I guess not.