A Little about My Current Stress

There's been a lot going on here lately. Even more than usual I am afraid now that we are involved in a lawsuit. The result has been the stress is killing me. Not literally, that I can tell, but it is making me sick.

I have not been posting about most of the sources of that stress and it will probably continue that way for a while. Since the lawsuit is now a matter of public record, I figured it was time to at least mention it's existence because it really is affecting everything I say and do.

Being involved in a lawsuit and not having an attorney because I can't afford one with my husband out of work has been taxing. I am spending a good portion of my time at the law library making sure I am well versed in what I need to know and do. While in the long run that time is worthwhile and will probably relieve stress, at the time it actually induces stress........and a lot of it.

I have a gastro intestinal system that does not like stress, some kinds more than others. When the real scary stuff gets to me I have problems eating and as you can imagine this lawsuit is one of the really scary things. Sometimes I don't know I'm going to have problems until it happens. Other times I know up front I need to be careful about what and when I eat.

Yesterday was a very stressful day around here. I spent a good portion of my day at the law library readying myself for the next phase in this legal battle. While the session was productive, the burden weighed heavily on my psyche and my body.

Once I've begun on a venture, I don't stop until I have a true handle on it. The information whirls around in my head and I keep adding pieces until things finally fall into place. Then and only then can I get any respite from the stress.

As you can imagine it's not always that easy to put the pieces together for this lawsuit. I understand the horse parts just fine, it is the legal aspect and melding the two that is difficult. It's not enough that I know what's right and wrong, I need to know what codes support my beliefs and I need to know how to present it to the court in a way the court will understand.

Sometimes it takes days before things have calmed down after I've opened up a new door in this journey. I think the farther I get into this process the better I get at managing things. I thought I was doing pretty well yesterday with all the new information and those flying pieces. Well, at least that's what I thought until last evening.

Within an hour of my meal, I got deathly ill. I was curled up in a ball on my bed wishing I could die to escape the pain. Medication would not relieve the symptoms I was experiencing and my entire intestinal track was my worst enemy. It was hours before I got any relief so there was no post for my blog.

I suspect this will not be my last episode like this. I see no easy resolution to this problem. I will no longer be a door mat for those thinking they can take advantage of me. I believe that truth will win out over lies and deceit. That means I am in this fight until the end.

I may have to see a doctor to find out how this is affecting my system and if I am doing any long term damage to myself as I go through this process. Hopefully there will be some answers to lessen the impact of my sessions at the law library and in court. I guess time will tell.

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