Happy, Happy Birthday, Baby!

Today is Lindsay's birthday. I can't believe that my baby is thirty. Not only does that thought make me feel very very old, but it reminds me that she is indeed a miracle.

It was twenty years ago when Lindsay was diagnosed with brain cancer. She had complications from her surgery and the balance center in her brain was nearly destroyed by excess swelling.

Lindsay's prognosis was not good. The hospital where we went for treatment had two cases with Lindsay's diagnosis that had survived eight years at that time. When we first began treatment the docs were hopeful they had found a cure. Before the end of the year both of those boys' cancer had returned and each succumbed to his disease.

That makes Lindsay the first at that hospitla to actually survive her diagnosis. She has some brain damage that makes it difficult for her to learn conceptual things and she has some nerve damage that affects her speech. Her hand writing and her balance are also impaired. She also has issues having the extremely short fuse brain damaged patients are known for.

Considering when she came home from the hospital Lindsay required twenty-four hour a day care and the rehabilitation experts thought she was as good as she was going to get, Lindsay has come a very long way. She cleans stalls for me. Helps turn horses in and out and feeds most of the time. She is my right hand "man" and I couldn't chase my dream without her.

Somedays it doesn't feel like those painful days of Lindsay's radiation and chemotherapy are that long ago. When I see her struggle with the discontent that comes from being different than others, my heart breaks.

Usually the discontent is triggered by unkind deeds or cruel words from those who only see she looks different. They don't recognize what a miracle Lindsay is and how amazing she is.

The horses help Lindsay remember what life is really about and help to heal those wounds, just as they have helped to heal mine. Neither Lindsay nor I can believe it's been twenty years in this journey. I guess there's no denying it since my baby is now thirty.

Happy, Happy Birthday, Baby................