Friday, November 7, 2008

Questions about Rachel and Grandma and an Arabian Horse

When I began this series, I think we all had high hopes. For me it didn't matter what the horse accomplished it was about building a relationship with my granddaughter and my daughter. I thought we had common ground to work with and things would be different this time.

I had hoped that Rachel would use Dandy the same way that I did.... to learn great things and become a competitive rider and an accomplished horsewoman. Unfortunately I don't think Rachel is ready for that challenge. She is unable to hear what I have to teach about this horse even though no one will ever know or understand Dandy quite like I do.

Originally when I began working on this particular post it was my intention to suspend the series Rachel and Grandma and an Arabian Horse for a while...........probably indefinitely. When I did the first draft I wrote "That three-way partnership has been suspended" but the truth is it never really got started. Then, today, Richard told me he thought that would be a shame. That others out there struggle with their barn relationships and the problems that we're having might be helpful for others to hear about.

So what do you think? Should I go with my first thought or listen to Richard and post about the issues that keep arising between me and my daughter and granddaughter?

This picture of Scandalous and Dandy was taken when he was two days old. It was his first trip outside to play. This picture hangs in my living room.

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  1. Dealing with family is always difficult. I'm not sure that since it is family that it could completely relate to the usual barn relationships.

    And at the same time there are many many families in 'horses' together, so it all may help them alot.

    It's a tough call. Good luck in whichever you decide.

  2. I love the picture of Scandalous and Dandy, it is just beautiful. As for the posts, well I think it's up to you. If you feel like going through all the emotions it takes to write it then do it. If not then don't put yourself through it.

  3. Sorry to hear you all are having problems. MAybe she is just not old enough and mature enough yet to handle such a relationship. I wouldn't severe ties on the whole teaching her thing, just put on hold. One of these days she will realize you are trying to make her a better horse person. Not being hard on her. Keep up the good work!

  4. My vote goes with Richard. This is not taking away from your pain associated with this situation nor all the love and hard work you are putting into this.

    You have a lot of readers and even more on the horizon. You never know who is going to drop in and get great encouragement and the will to continue because of your will and your love and your struggles and your strength.

    And because we care.


  5. MiKael,

    my pearls of wisdom is that you dont need to ask us. You know your own answer in your own heart.

    (Sorry chuck, not the answer you want to hear. )

    If you want to write it. I am, and I am sure others are too, ready to listen. If you want our 'permission'; then you have it. You also have our love and support. But it is your decision.


  6. A tough question for sure. I think only you know the answer, but we are here if you feel the need to share what is going on.

    The difficulty from what I can see is that taking it public often can back fire within the family.

    I am always learning from your hard knocks Mikael, and others do too.

  7. lady of chaos, you are right. This whole thing really started long before barn relationships. It has to do with long standing issues between my daughter and me.

    grey horse, I don't think the emotions are a problem. I'll have those one way or the other. But in that regard sometimes the writing helps me to see my way through the mess.

    kwdhorses, thanks, I'm certainly open to things changing at some point. I guess we'll have to wait and see.

    darlene, thanks for the input. I will probably be continuing but am not really sure where or when I will start.

    kahless, I had to laugh at the word "permission."

    kathy c, one thing I'm sure of is that the problem is not "taking it public." If anything I think they've appreciated the ability to "see" where I'm coming from....even if they don't respect or agree with it. They don't have tp deal with me but still know what's going on.

    The problems are really based with my daughter and me. They got started a long time before blogging was even a concept and they permeate all of this.

    It's hard to seperate Rachel from it because she's learned how to manipulate her mother using those things. The triangle that sets up makes it a losing situation for everyone. Unfortunately neither of them have figured that out.