Life...........and a Level One Trauma........the Details Part 3

Part 1

All the time these paramedics were working on getting Lindsay ready to transport, her Arabian horse was having a conniption fit in the field right behind the activity. I looked over to see what was bothering the mare and she ran right up to me with the most frantic expression on her face.

It wasn't until later when I heard about Bey Aana standing over Lindsay protecting her that I realized what that expression had been about. The mare was distraught about something being wrong with Lindsay and she wasn't sure she was comfortable with all these strange people swarmed around her. She was asking me for help.

Looking at the frantic mare, I realized we couldn't just go off to the hospital and leave my horses out. The entire herd had picked up on Aana's feelings. There was just too much running around and whinnying for someone not to get hurt. The Arabian horses didn't know what was wrong but they clearly understood that something had rocked their world. They needed some reassurance and the safety of their stalls.

I called my oldest daughter and asked her to please come immediately. I explained that Lindsay had been hurt and I needed to go with her in the ambulance. I needed Colleen to help her dad get the horses put up and fed. Also I asked her to pack Lindsay some cleans clothes. When she was knocked unconscious she had wet herself, I guess in the back of my mind somewhere I still thought that Lindsay would be coming right back home.

By the time the paramedics had Lindsay ready for transport complete with back board and neck brace, I had made arrangements with Colleen to help, gotten Dave to locate Lindsay's medical card for me to take, and given him instructions on what else needed to be done at home before he followed us.

The last thing I did before I got into the ambulance was pick Lindsay's baseball cap up from off the ground where it had been knocked off her head. I put it gently in the place she kept it in the barn. I knew I just couldn't bear coming home to finding that evidence of what had happened in that paddock.


The fireman loaded Lindsay up in the back of the ambulance. Someone guided me towards the front and made sure I got buckled in. A radio check was made with the trauma center telling them we were on our way. Then we carefully pulled out of my pasture heading the back route towards Madigan.

As they turned down my road and switched the lights and sirens on, my stomach did a flip. I didn't know what I was going to do having to sit still and just think about what happened. Behind me I could hear the activity as they hooked up IV's and an assortment of machines. I could also hear as information was being relayed to the trauma center.

The whole thing seemed so surreal. It just couldn't be my child in the back of this ambulance maybe fighting for her life. All the things I could have or should have done to keep this from happening began to flood my brain.

Then there were the thoughts of how much brain damage Lindsay might have sustained. While she had finally spoken to the paramedics she was not very coherent. She had been unable to answer any of the simple questions she'd been asked. There were also signs that she was having problems with her vision. And she still had not even tried to move any part of her body.

I have to admit that visions of my daughter when I first saw her in recovery after her brain surgery flooded my head. I saw the tubes coming out of her head, her eyes trailing off in two different directions and her naked body flailing around...........too hot for clothing because her body temperature was out of whack.........and all her fine motor skills gone. I saw the fear on her face...............and I wondered how much of this she could handle again.

As I said before, it's times like these that I can appreciate being dissociative. All of these visions with their related feelings may have come flooding back unexpectedly but I was quickly able to block them off. Crying in front of strangers has never been a "safe" thing for me and I sure wasn't going to start now. I put on a brave face and decided I'd find something to keep me occupied even if that meant learning this back route onto the base or talking the ear off the driver......

About that time, one of the paramedics in the back asked me to fill out an informational sheet on Lindsay. What he wanted specifically was to know the ways her previous brain trauma manifested so the care providers would know what she wouldn't be capable of doing.

Filling out that sheet while we travelled the country roads was just what I needed to keep me busy. It was easy to get obsessed with my squiggly handwriting and get my mind off the things I couldn't control. I was grateful for the task................and I'll bet that poor driver was too.

By the time I had finished with all the ways that Lindsay was previously affected we were nearing the base. Five minutes later and we were pulling up to the trauma center. Someone ushered me up to a counter and I saw Lindsay out of the corner of my eye being whisked into a room with a slew of people following right behind.

If it hadn't really hit me before how serious this all was, it really hit me at this moment. For a brief instant my legs didn't want to support me, but I caught myself again and managed to put on that brave face yet again. Just at that time the chaplain showed up and took me over to some chairs to sit and wait until they would let me see my daughter again.

It was then that I began to wonder about Dave. Maybe because I needed him to save me from the chaplain. I didn't need another reminder of how serious this whole thing was, I got that loud and clear. I didn't want to sit with a stranger and pray..............I wanted this nightmare to be over.

To be continued.................

Part 4

Lindsay started off having a very rough day. She had a blinding headache that took a while to get under control. She also is having problems with double vision. Despite this, I think she's doing better because by this evening she's beginning to complain about the double vision. Feeling well enough to complain is always a good sign with her! lol

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