Living with O.C.E.A.N. Syndrome

I got behind in the kitchen but this came to me in an email so I thought this would be better than no post. I'm sure many of you have seen it but it's still always good for a chuckle or two. The top picture is Bey Aana with this year's foal, Scandalous Patriot. The other picture is Grandma and Dandy a few years back at the Region 4 pre-show where we placed second in a large class.




Living with O.C.E.A.N. Syndrome - By Scooter Grubb

Just recently, after years of research, I have finally been able to
give a name to what my wife and I have been living with for years.
It's an affliction, for sure, which when undiagnosed and
misunderstood can devastate and literally tear a family apart. Very
little is known about O.C.E.A.N. Syndrome. But it is my hope this
article will generate interest from researchers involved in the
equine and psychological sciences. You will, no doubt, begin to
identify similar symptoms in your own family and hopefully now be
able to cope. Obsessive Compulsive Equine Attachment Neurosis
Syndrome (O.C.E.A.N.S) is usually found in the female and can
manifest itself anytime from birth to the golden years. Symptoms may
appear any time and may even go dormant in the late teens, but the
syndrome frequently re-emerges in later years.

Symptoms vary widely in both number and degree of severity. Allow me
to share some examples which are most prominent in our home.

The afflicted individual:

1. Can smell moldy hay at ten paces, but can't tell whether milk has
gone bad until it turns chunky.

2. Finds the occasional "Buck and Toot" session hugely entertaining,
but severely chastises her husband for similar antics.

3. Will spend hours cleaning and conditioning her tack, but wants to
eat on paper plates so there are no dishes.

4. Considers equine gaseous excretions a fragrance.

5. Enjoys mucking out four stalls twice a day, but insists on having
a housekeeper mop the kitchen floor once a week.

6. Will spend an hour combing and trimming an equine mane, but wears
a baseball cap so she doesn't waste time brushing her own hair.

7. Will dig through manure piles daily looking for worms, but does not fish.

8. Will not hesitate to administer a rectal exam up to her shoulder,
but finds cleaning out the Thanksgiving turkey cavity for dressing
quite repulsive.

9. By memory can mix eight different supplements in the correct
proportions, but can't make macaroni and cheese that isn't soupy.

10. Twice a week will spend an hour scrubbing algae from the water
tanks, but has a problem cleaning lasagna out of the casserole dish.

11. Will pick a horse's nose, and call it cleaning, but becomes
verbally violent when her husband picks his.

12. Can sit through a four-hour session of a ground work clinic, but
unable to make it through a half-hour episode of Cops.

The spouse of an afflicted victim:

1. Must come to terms with the fact there is no cure, and only
slightly effective treatments. The syndrome may be genetic or caused
by the inhaling of manure particles which, I propose, have an adverse
effect on female hormones.

2. Must adjust the family budget to include equine items - hay,
veterinarian services, farrier services, riding boots and clothes,
supplements, tack, equine masseuse and acupuncturist - as well as the
mandatory) equine spiritual guide, etc. Once you have identified a
monthly figure, never look at it again. Doing so will cause tightness
in your chest, nausea and occasional diarrhea.

3. Must realize that your spouse has no control over this affliction.
More often than not, she will deny a problem even exists as denial is common.

4. Must form a support group. You need to know you're not alone - and
there's no shame in admitting your wife has a problem. My support
group, for instance, involves men who truly enjoy Harley Davidsons,
four-day weekends and lots of scotch. Most times, she is unaware that
I am even gone, until the precise moment she needs help getting a 50-
pound bag of grain out of the truck.

Now you can better see how O.C.E.A.N.S. affects countless households
in this country and abroad. It knows no racial, ethnic or religious
boundaries. It is a syndrome that will be difficult to treat because
those most affected are in denial and therefore, not interested in a
cure. So, I am taking it upon myself to be constantly diligent in my
research in order to pass along information to make it easier for
caretakers to cope on a day to day basis.

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