Friday, September 13, 2013

Up Close and Personal with Erin......

It has been over a year since Erin was here so I do not recall all of the things that happened. Most of them were little in the big scheme of things. Erin was self centered and lacked boundaries. She was disorganized and didn't clean up after herself but none of that would have mattered if she would've taken responsibilty for herself and tried to rectify the problems but that's not what happened. The problem with Erin was nothing was little. She turned everything into drama and it was never her fault.

There were definitely issues with the stability of her internal system that we could have lived with but there was one that we couldn't. Erin didn't want to be accountable for her choices so when called on her inappropriate behavior like not cleaning up after herself when she tore the barn apart looking for something or using spurs and a more severe bit on my horse when she had been shown the appropriate equipment,  Erin went into a downward spiral and blamed me.

She would turn on the "all or nothing" thinking and say "I can't do anything right for you" even though I always thanked her for her help and praised her when she did something well.  Then regardless of how I responded, it was a downhill slide......and a fast one. Erin spiraled out of control ending just like this email she sent me after my first post using her name.

"You told me you would not use my name. You went back on your word
because of an e-mail. I am begging you to take my name out of the blog and continue to tell your version of the story. I can't take this right now. I have been on the phone with that national suicide hotline tonight, and I am fighting urges from jumping off the 10th street bridge since the time that I read that email. I cannot handle this right now."

This is email is exactly what we dealt with when she was here except she actually used more words in the email. Here, when things didn't go her way, she was in a chair in my living room with her blanket, usually as close as she could get to me, curled up in a ball, sucking her thumb. She would leave and come back until I finally asked her what was going on.  From there she progressed to threatening to kill herself.

I was the person who could not do anything right for Erin. SHE tromped all over our feelings and boundaries but if I talked to her about her behavior, she pouted, sighed, cried, sulked, you name it to get my attention. When she did get it, she said she wanted to end her life. I couldn't confront her about anything, or even disagree with her, without this happening.

We were walking on eggshells while she  was direspecting boundaries, going through her days amd nights totally oblivious to the needs of anyone but herself. It was impossible to live with her without confronting her because she left chaos everywhere and we needed to live here too.

What help she was at the barn was overshadowed by the mess she left in her wake that many times had to be rectified before anyone else could work. Sometimes she left things in an unsafe manner. Tools where no one could find there. It was impossible not to talk to her about some of this stuff. When I did have the energy to go to the barn, I spent my time putting things back in order and by the time it was fixed I was too tired to proceed.

I probably could have gotten through these things if not for the suicide threats. Any little thing threw her into the downward spiral into the darkness. It was hard to live with all the disruption without confronting her but  once I realized what was causing it, I really tried to keep it to a minimum.  We were damned if we did and damned if we didn't.

It took me a while to realize her pattern but by that time it had gotten much worse. Her last day here she told me she was going for a walk. By now I could see what was coming so I asked her what was going on only to be told, once again, she couldn't take it anymore so I told her that her suicide would have a terrible impact on Lindsay and Dave and me.. Her response was "Well, I won't do it on your property."

Needless to say that was it. I don't recall exactly what I said but I explained her behavior was unhealthy and it was not going to end well since she was over-reacting to everything I said that she didn't want to hear. Then I told her, "I think its best that you leave."

Her indignant response was "Fine..... I'll be gone tomorrow....." in her most pathetic voice.

 When I responded "That sounds good to me." she was obviously surprised and disappointed.

I was a wreck. I couldn't take anymore. Erin's brand of emotional blackmail all but crippled me......and it scared Dave amd Lindsay just as badly so tomorrow sounded good to all of us.

I had already seen more than enough game playing by Erin, who insists she does not play games, to know she expected me to talk her out of this hasty departure but I actually wasn't surprised at this attempt to manipulate me. I was prepared for her to pull out all the stops so I was relieved when her response was to insist she needed to be taken to Wal-Mart immediately so she could leave in the early morning.

I don't know what she needed there but she bought cigarettes despite her promise to not smoke on my farm. Then she kept us all up, flagging the front door all night, just like Jessica, smoking on the front porch. Poor Dave didn't get any sleep and then he had to be up at 4 to get her to the airport for her flight to parts unknown.

Her departing gift, she wouldn't tell us where she was headed. She was talking suicide and claiming she could not return to Minnesota but she refused to tell us where she was going. More guilt she wanted us to carry because we refused to cave to her psychological extortion but none of us bought into it.

I will leave for another day describing what the pressure was like living under the daily threat that this young woman might end her life  here  but for now I will say this. I sobbed with uncontrollable relief when Dave called to confirm he had dropped her off at the airport. I sobbed equally as uncontrollably when she selfishly laid that burden on me again late Wednesday night  when she sent this email and........again tonight as I write this.

I imagine my sobbing is not over since this selfish young woman continues to try to make contact despite the fact she said in this email I could continue to post what she calls my version of the story if I took her name out. From what I have learned about Erin she will never let it rest but I won't be coerced. She, and only she, is responsible for her feelings and her rotten behavior. Her number once again appeared on my caller ID this afternoon.........I am beginning to thing that maybe she is as evil as Jessica......her behavior certainly is.

To be continued................

Post "Closure"......


  1. Nothing makes me angrier than the exploitation of good, innocent people. You do not deserve this, MiKael.

    You are being generous to call her behavior "trying to make contact". It sounds to me like she is harassing you. You have clearly told her to leave you alone and she is not respecting your wishes.

    You may want to consider calling the authorities to report this harassment. Also, due to her suicide threats, she is a danger to herself or others. I can see why you would feel sad about this situation, but I would urge you to embrace a measure of righteous anger and self-protection in order to rid yourself of this albatross. Your pity and generosity are as pearls before swine with her.

  2. Thank you, Snipe, I do feel harassed and I have taken measures to protect myself. I may need to call adult protective services too since she is refusing to honor my wishes. I know I am not responsible for her behavior but the threats hanging over my head are a heavy burden. I care about people. I don't want to see anyone die but she is going to do what she wants and it really has nothing to do with me. I will be posting more about this and what in my past that makes it worse. I imagine she knows this and maybe that's why she's trying to intimidate me into not outing her but then I think with behavior like this others need to be warned. Funny how the people who do such things are so convinced they are blameless. Thanks for the input. It helps validate my perspective.

  3. She certainly needs professional help. I learned a long time ago that I'm not qualified to help those people, and really, trying to help them only harms them because they continue their self-destructive behavior. You have to find a way to forgive yourself and let go of her. I don't believe she really means to kill herself because she threatened it so frequently, as a means of getting her way. (although it is a cry for help)

  4. She is definitely harassing you with emotional black mail. I wouldn't bother to answer the phone or open an email from her.Shes not going to stop until there is no more contact from you. The more you show her that you are upset by any of this the more she has a hold on your emotions. I say cut her out of your life completely once and for all. That may sound harsh but I think it's the only way to rid yourself of one more problem you don't need.

    This girl needs to be in therapy ASAP.

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  6. Just an observation from an outsider but it sounds like you need to block her emails as well as her phone calls. You know that you can't help someone who doesn't want to be helped and she knows you are a "softie". Sure seems like if she were really serious about suicide, she would have done it by now. She has discovered it's a great threat to make people do what you want.