Friday, February 5, 2010

MEMO to the President....... Stimulus Ideas



Note: I got this in an email today and couldn't resist posting. Don't be put off by the address line or what looks like political nature or this memo. This may not be a political blog BUT the subject matter definitely fits here.......and it just might give you a much needed good laugh.

TO: President Barack Obama
RE: Economic Recovery Stimulus Ideas

Mr. President,
It has come to my attention that you're having some challenges with the
Economy. If I understand things correctly, we're in a recession,
Consumer confidence and spending is down, credit is tight, investors are
Spooked, we need renewable energy, and health care costs are through the
Roof. Trillions of dollars, not to mention our future, are at stake. Mr.
President, I'm just a regular citizen, but I think I have a solution.

Give every American a horse.

My proposal may not make sense to you at first, but let me give you a
Little background. First of all, horses in the U.S. Are a multi-billion
Dollar industry, and that's just at my house. I suggest you have your
Economic advisors do a little research on the spending around horse
Ownership. You'd be surprised, Mr. President.

Start by visiting the tack and clothing retailers like State Line or
Dover. Look at the variety of goods available there. Now take into
Account that every horse owner, especially if it's a woman, is buying
Not just one or two, but tons of these items. Believe me.

So my thinking is that if you give every American a horse, starting when
They reach the horse-receptive age of 10, you're going to do two
Things: boost consumer confidence and boost spending immediately.

Horses make us feel good, and once Americans all own horses (at the
government's expense, of course), they will all logically fall into the
Pattern that every horse owner succumbs to: accessorizing.

For starters, we need horse-care implements like buckets and muck rakes,
Hoof picks and curry combs. And we need at least basic tack, halter,
Lead line, saddle, saddle pad, bridle and bit. But then the fun begins.
Zebra print leg wraps. Neon bright fly masks. An assortment of sheets
And blankets for all seasons; you've got your cooler, your lightweight
Blanket, your medium blanket, your heavy blanket. Then there is your
Stable sheet and your pasture sheet. Also your hoodie, and tail wrap items.
And that's just the clothing for the horse. Don't get me started on the
Clothing for the rider, even if he or she doesn't show. Since most
Americans don't have a basic riding wardrobe, the stores would be
Swamped for jeans, boots, breeches, T-shirts, dozens of pairs of cute boot socks, and the ubiquitous ball cap.
Tell the retailers to get ready. It'll be Christmas all year long.

Now lets talk about support industries. In addition to the usual veterinarian and farrier expenditures, people also give their horses
Chiropractic, massage and acupuncture, not to mention buying more
Beauty products for their horses than they do for themselves. All those
Professions and industries will benefit. And of course there will be a
Big spike in hay and grain demand, so the farmers will be happy too.
You see, that's the secret to jump-starting consumer spending through
My stimulus package. People will spend money on their horses when they
Won't spend money on anything else!

But, your advisors might say, there's a catch. Aren't we paying the
Price, in global warming, of the large number of livestock animals we
Currently have? They produce all that methane!

Ah, Mr. President, here is the real beauty of this idea. When you introduce the Methane-Assisted Natural Unrefined Renewable Energy
Plan (M.A.N.U.R.E.), you'll be a hero for coming up with an
Alternative, renewable, home-grown source of clean energy. Just
Challenge the energy gurus to come up with a methane gas collection
System that can harness all the natural resource produced by all those
Horses to power our cities. Talk about shovel ready projects:
M.A.N.U.R.E. Fits the bill!

And you keep stressing how we need new industries for investment; well, under the M.A.N.U.R.E. Plan you can sell Petroleum Offset Opportunity units to investors. By buying these units, investors can
Help us gradually convert from a petroleum-based economy to one based on
Horse P.O.O.

Health care costs will go down, too, as everyone cares for their horses.
You can give tax credits based on the amount of time people spend
Working, riding and hanging out with their horses, which will
Automatically make them healthier. (Don't tell the docs, but most horse
Owners already get their own basic healthcare from their vet.)

One more thing: everyone is annoyed by these corporate CEOs and their
Big bonuses in a down economy. So give the executives, say, one horse
For every $100,000 of bonus money they've received. Those bonuses will
Be plowed back into the economy in no time.

Finally, because you, Mrs. O, and the girls are such role models, you
can encourage us all by getting a pony for Sasha and Malia. It will
teach them responsibility, help the First Lady plow the garden, and as a
bonus: free fertilizer for the Rose Garden.

If you don't believe me that horse ownership stimulates spending, go
ahead, Mr. President. Buy that pony for your girls. You'll see.

====================================

I don't know about you but for me there were lots of things missing from the list of things needed if you own a horse. What kind of blaring ommissions did you see??


====================================

The reality:
The California horse industry produces an annual economic impact of $7.0 billion with activity distribution as follows:
$2.5 billion - racing
$1.6 billion - showing
$1.9 billion - recreation
$798 million - other activities
The California horse industry generates $210 million in state and local taxes.
Average directly spent annually PER horse in California: $4,091.00
- American Horse Council Foundation
The Economic Impact of the California Horse Industry
(DeLoitte, 2005) -- Jaede Miloslavich
Executive Director
Action Coalition for Equestrians (ACE)
www.acequestrians.org

6 comments:

  1. LOL - this is great! I particularly like the Petroleum Offset Opportunity - POO

    Here's to an equine based economy!

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  2. Oh my! This is the first (no matter how funny) stimulus package that makes sense! LOL

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  3. What a great stimulus package. And the fact that we could find homes for all of the horses that need homes would be another bonus. Don't know about you, but my horse gets much better gas mileage than my car. I've sworn for years that I'd ride my horse to work if I could. There might be an increase in methane emissions, but definitely a decrease in all of the automobile emissions if we all rode to work.

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  4. Sounds like the kind of plan I can get behind 100%! Great ideas for putting some money and manure into the mainstream of America.

    ReplyDelete