MiKael Meets Richard...............the ghost horse

Richard calls him the ghost horse. I guess it doesn't really matter which way you go, Khemosabi incarnate or ghost horse, either term fits the sensation people experience when those who knew Khemosabi see Scandalous Reflection. Even Johnny Johnston who photographed the great one many many times said he got goosebumps watching this horse.

I think I actually like the ghost horse reference. It speaks to some mystic part of me and conjurs up visions of mythical creatures beyond our primitive human dimension. Something about this horse just fits that "feeling" for me. This Arabian horse touches me beyond the level of the normal equine/human connection.... beyond my heart even and somewhere down deep in my soul. Yet he frightens me just nearly as deeply.

That fall (if you want to call it a fall) has left it's mark on me. It interfers with my desires and dreams in a nearly crippling manner. As much as I am driven to ride this horse, I am shackled to walls of fear.

It's not going to be an easy journey........the road to disabling that fear but it's a journey I wouldn't miss. The quest for my dream is clearly intertwined with this particular horse. Nothing, not even this overwhelming fear, will stop me from its pursuit.

The fear.....the passion.....they have mingled forming some kind of entoxicating exlihir that drives me on. Even though I'm not brave enough to train this horse on my own yet, just touching him brings visions of days of that triumph swimming in my head. I cannot wait.

I don't write much about my particular disorder (as it is referenced by the professionals, not by me) but it brings its own unique set of complications to this process. Fear is a difficult enough beast to master in the typical human psyche without adding the complexity of dissociation that makes up "me."

The approach must be methodical and careful to create enough trust it can filter down through the many layers that make up my being. Like the groundwork necessary to train any horse, groundwork within me to overcome this wreck must be as thorough. And so we begin.........

Ghost Horse part 2

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